February 02, 2004
Superbowl
24 hours later, I'm going to shamelessly rip off Peter King, and present my 10 Things I Think I Think about the big game.
1. I think I think that being a Patriots fan has become a heady mix of euphoria and determination. In their 15-game streak, they only really blew out one team: a Buffalo squad checking their watches and tee times the last game of the season. So there's never a moment when you can truly breathe easy, but you also know - way back in the back of your head - that Belichick and Brady will figure out a way to pull it out.
2. I think I think the Pats are as close to a dynasty as anyone may ever get again in the NFL. Look at their roster and find one area that needs obvious improvement. Defense? Not a chance. Receivers? Above average, and with a quarterback that can make the most of them. O-line? Perhaps. Kicking? Please; despite his first half, if an invasion from Neptune could only be staved off with a 50-yard field goal, you know you want Vinatieri out there to save the planet.
The only immediate issues are a more consistent running game (Antowain Smith's getting a little old, and Kevin Faulk's never had that breakout I expected) and punting (egads). They've got draft picks and cap room; they've also got, I'm now convinced, absolute geniuses running the show.
3. I think I think that if I were in Vegas now, I'd probably play it safe and bet on a Pats-Panthers rematch next year. These are two solid teams.
4. I think that the Panthers' uniforms look very dated (teal is so 1997), but look ten times worse on their punter. Todd Sauerbrun looked like he showed up in his pajamas.
5. I think I think I'm officially out of touch with pop culture:
5a. I still expect that when I hear the words "2-time Grammy winner", I will at least have heard of the person in question. Until Josh Groban came out and sang that NASA song. I wandered into the room just in time to wonder why Doctor Who was out there. I've been informed by someone more in the know that Groban is like "Kenny G with lyrics". Good to know.
5b. I think I think that I'm apparently out of touch enough to think that Justin Timberlake hardly qualifies as a "suprise special guest." Come on. Doesn't he always turn up at stuff like this? To me, a special surprise guest would be Lou Reed or a reunion of the Talking Heads. Not some overproduced lip-syncher who can't understand that to get back in the spotlight, you actually have to leave it at some point!
6. Unfortunately, I think I now have to segue into talking about America's Most Famous Nipple. I mean. Come on. Scandal, controversy, outrage, panic - the script of the last 24 hours could have been written by computer, and American fell for it. Everyone involved knew it was going to happen. This shock and outrage is just pitiful. (For a better summary, check The Fat Guy's take on it.)
That said, if I were President, and not above using a national crisis (which, apparently, this is) to ram through questionable legislation, here's what I'd do:
Tough choices, I know, but they need to be made.
A.) Punish the networks involved. Viacom should be forced to sell CBS off for having the audacity to show a nipple on-air for 0.3 seconds. Anyone currently working at MTV will be indefinitely held under the Patriot Act, and the channel will revert to playing exactly what it played in 1986.
(UPDATE: That's not even accounting for the commercials. CBS thought MoveOn's ad was inappropriate for a national audience, but commercials about kids swearing and horses farting weren't. You go, Tiffany network. You go soon.
B.) Punish the performers not directly involved. Kid Rock should be held for wearing an American flag shirt (and for not even pretending not to lip-synch) and Puffy should be held for wearing a Panthers jersey.
C.) Punish the performers directly involved. Maybe we can send Justin into space after all; the Mars rover looks like it may need a permanent caretaker. And, just to be safe, Janet Jackson's entire family should be sent to Mars with him. Toby Keith, too.
7. I think I think that since Peter King talks about Starbucks every week, now's a good time to give an emphatic thumbs-up to their hot vanilla creme drink. Mmmmm.
8. I think I think that, although I'll still religiously read him and undoubtedly laugh a lot, I liked Bill Simmons better when he was just the Sports Guy. He's now becoming the Half-Sports-Guy/Half-Uber-Guy's-Guy, and while it's OK to have a column that's 15,000 words about sports and 15,000 words about his celebrity poker game, I miss the days of the regular "30,000 words about sports" columns.
9. I think I think we up here in Boston had better cherish the Pats' win. The Bruins are nondescript, the C's look like they're edging into "San Antonio 1996 tank job" mode, and I refuse to let myself get emotionally involved with the Sox until August (yeah, that'll last).
10. I think I think I'm very impressed that Peter King can come up with 10 of these every week.
Posted by michaelf at February 2, 2004 10:39 PM | TrackBackComments
Give them another two years before you even start throwing the 'dynasty' word around. I still need at least an AFC Championship loss and another Super Bowl to ponder any such idea, no matter what the shape of the NFL is. Recall that the Eagles have gotten to the NFC championship 3 years in a row and the Rams are still a force to be reckoned with, even sans Kurt, so high levels of quality can still be sustained. New England didn't even make the playoffs last year. I've also got to discount the Super Bowl wins, which, while being wins and thusly the key factor, were both of the last-second variety. Show me something like Leon Lett fumbling for a touchback and it not mattering one iota, and there will be a truly dominant team.
I must say, though, seven picks in the first four rounds do look pretty intimidating. We'll see how they handle the hype.
On the Janet Jackson thing...
I love how every major news event nowadays can be easily described by adding 'gate.' Now we're in the time of 'Hootergate.'
Posted by: Andy at February 4, 2004 12:36 AM
Good list ... and you're a more interesting writer to read than is Peter King
Posted by: Vin at February 4, 2004 09:30 AM
