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July 30, 2002
FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD
I can not stop thinking about Caesar Barber, who's suing KFC, Wendy's, BK, and McDonalds for making him fat. It doesn't say in the article, but I can only imagine the horror he must have felt as Colonel Sanders and Mayor McCheese wrestled him out of the house in the middle of the night, dragged him blindfolded (so he couldn't see the salad or grilled chicken options) to the counter and forced him to supersize.
I don't want to automatically say this is all the fault of greedy lawyers, but let's not kid ourselves. Ever since the first lawsuits against big tobacco shattered the myth of free will, it's only been a matter of time before anyone selling anything remotely connected to ingestable products has to face the wrath of someone who enjoyed their products a bit too much.
Here's some unsolicited diet advice from someone who's not exactly a bodybuilder. If you consider the midafternoon snack a meal, therefore allowing you to snack between it and dinner, that's not good. If you can smell the grease wafting out of the restaurant as you walk in (assuming you're actually taking the trek from the parking lot to the door and not driving thru), that's not good. If the only developed muscle in your body is the remote-control lifting muscle in your arm, that's not good. If you're breathlessly awaiting the arrival of the Segway to cut your valuable shuffling-to-the-mailbox time in half, you have a problem. If you've had two heart attacks and diabetes and don't stop eating fast food 4-5 times a week, like Barber, you're not getting it.
And some advice for Grimace and Wendy: it may lead to bad PR, but I bet you can settle out of court with a fistful of Biggie Size coupons.
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Comments
It would be nice if we all had perfect 'free will'. Unfortunately we don't. We are all influenced by past experiences. And if 1 of those experiences is a good feeling when you were a kid and Dad took you to McD's and you shared some quality time over a big mac and fries and sodas and you got a neat star warz toy to boot, it's hard to overcome that memory-feeling. Plus the fact that they overload the food with fat to make it taste good WITHOUT disclosing how much of whatever is in there.
I'm beginning to think that 'free will' is a Republican monster/myth, used to make people feel bad about themselves in order to protect corporate America.
Posted by: Larry | July 31, 2002 07:29 AM
I like the suggestion for Grimace and Wendy settling out of court with a fistful of Biggie Size coupons. It's something that Seinfeld's friend Kramer would have done.
Posted by: Vin | August 5, 2002 09:18 AM
i have eaten at two fast food places since this guy has done this whole lawsuit hulabaloo. and i went there by choice because i have free will and used it. but halfway through my big mac i thought of him. and then had trouble finishing my big mac. which...was...actually a..um..veggie burger...
ANYWAY what's a girl have to do to get an update up in here? you hurt or something? i want clever commentaries on current affairs!! i want the next movie review!! nownownownow. or, whenever you get the chance.
Posted by: c to the hristine | August 17, 2002 02:21 PM
