BunkoSquad

What my silence was implying this last week:

I know the election results were disappointing. I know going into the election you thought we were on the winning side. I am truly sorry for your disappointment; it is my disappointment as well. I have given you a week for mourning. I am not prepared to give you any longer.

I am a liberal. I live in Massachusetts. I am also, however, from a "red" state. If I hear one more comment about "those f*#@s in Nebraska" or receive another well-meaning, mostly joking email about secession, I may say something that jeopardizes our friendship. You had to know, as in any contest, that there would be a winner and a loser. I know you were expecting to win. I was hoping and crossing my fingers right there with you. But, we LOST. If you consider that the next election period began last Wednesday, then the trench of self-pity that you're digging and wallowing in is truly not in your or my or the country's best interest. The people you are disparaging are the same people we, as a party, have to win over if we want to stand a chance in four years, or even in two.

I have spent the last week listening to complete strangers and friends alike denigrate and demonize the place that I still consider home. You may be making a generalization about anyone who voted for George Bush or about "middle America," but what I hear is belittling by heritage, my family, and some of my closest friends. You need to realize that those are actual people to me and not all of them are idiot, warmongering, gay-hating voters. Probably more people in those states than I'd like to believe fit one, if not all, of those labels, but they're still people. And, I feel that I must point out that I've met people that fit those labels right here in Boston.

I know you're joking, most of you anyway, when you mention secession. Remember that the last time someone actually seceded there was a war. Our country is remarkably divided. Do you really want to push us farther apart? To imply that our differences are really that insurmountable? To imply, further, that you've given up on fully half of the country and are no longer even interested in or willing to consider coming to some understanding? What, exactly, are you suggesting by comparing the color-coded map of election results to the map of pre-civil war slave states? It's obvious with a title like "the more things change..." that you're implying something. If we complete the thought with "the more things stay the same," what does that say? Do you think that the middle of the country wants to own someone? Is latent racism responsible for the outcome of the election? Is there any possible way to look at that graphic and NOT derive a negative connotation about the "red" states? Frankly, I'm a Democrat and I find these things alienating. Imagine, then, what this kind of talk looks like to an undecided or non-Democrat.

I'm glad some of you are trying to understand how we, as a country, got to this point. Continue reading things like Don't Think of an Elephant and What's the Matter With Kansas? Realize, though, that you still aren't getting an unbiased view of the other side. The title What's the Matter With Kansas? itself suggets that something is wrong with Kansas. The point is that people in Kansas probably don't think that there is anything the matter with Kansas. If they do, it probably isn't the same sort of thing that Thomas Frank finds wrong with Kansas and even the whole central column of the United States. Sometimes I think being from a plains state is similar to being a middle child. We're often overlooked and we resent that. How many times have you referred to Kansas, Nebraska, or a Dakota as 'one of the boxy states in the middle?' or as 'the state where the corn (or cows or wheat) comes from?' I know that's not so terrible a thing to say, but lots of little slights can add up to a big chip on the shoulder.

I'm saying this because, as a friend, I think you'll listen, even if you don't necessarily agree. We need to stop looking backward and start moving forward. Mostly, I've been thinking these things and debating whether to say anything. After reading this I decided I should speak up. There are other things that contributed, for instance, this and this (all of which links I originally found here). All offer some insights on why we didn't win this election and how we can hopefully change for the better and win next time.

It isn't just you. I'm still trying to convince people back home as well. They're getting a different letter. To them, I try to explain why everyone should have the right to marry among other things.

I hope this doesn't hurt our friendship.

It may also explain why I've been a little short this last week. I just needed to get this off my chest.

Sincerely, Kari