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February 28, 2005
Precision
We have a Winter Storm Warning in effect until 11:09 tonight.
11:09.
It may be 4 inches of snow, it might be a foot, it might be more. It might change to rain or freezing rain or sleet or hail. It may track to the west of us, or the east, and we may or may not get more or less precipitation than they get on the Cape or some vague points to the north and west of the city.
But whatever happens, it's comforting to know that at 11:10 PM, it will all be over.
Posted by Michael at 04:21 PM | Comments (3)
Priorities
I think a Day of Reckoning is coming soon in the category of "Where I Get My News From".
And the first factor to be considered will be "Does this news source include unsolicited pictures of Michael Jackson without any warning or any possibility to avoid them?"
Posted by Michael at 01:14 PM | Comments (0)
February 25, 2005
He's Back
Overheard on the WEEI WhinerLine today:
Yeah, we teased him a lot
'Cause he took a lot of shots
Welcome back
As I always do when the Celtics make a big trade, I immediately called my Dad for some fan-peer-counseling. We both always liked Antoine (and still do), but were scratching our heads at this one. Who does Antoine get minutes from (my guess is LaFrentz)? How many minutes at the point now go to the untested Delonte West and the unreliable Marcus Banks? Does this make Paul happy? Will Antoine start launching 3's again? How does Tony Delk feel about losing his trade buddy? Is Antoine really going to wear #88?
And whither Gary Payton? One rumor is that Atlanta will immediately waive him and the C's will try to pick him up again. If this is true, I hope Danny Ainge cleared it with G.P. first, because there has to be a little resentment on Gary's part. A Hall-of-Famer in the twilight years, traded from a struggling team to the Hawks, is a little like having a spear stuck through your heart and then being thrown under a train.
Posted by Michael at 02:03 AM | Comments (1)
Fox, Vatican Planning New Reality Show
ROME - With Pope John Paul II in poor health, and no clear-cut frontrunner to assume the role of the Holy Father, the Roman Catholic Church has decided to team up with the Fox Network and find its next Pope with a reality TV show, BunkoSquad has learned.
The show, tentatively titled "American Pontiff", will follow hundreds of contestants from early auditions in church basements to a star-studded finale in New York's St. Patrick's Cathedral. Simon Jones, creator of the hit TV show American Idol, is involved in the planning and says he's excited. "With the Church at a crossroads, the Vatican is looking for someone to boldly take Catholicism into the 20th...I mean 21st Century," Jones told reporters in Los Angeles. "Someone who can fulfill the longstanding traditions of Rome, but also someone with a little pizzazz."
American Idol judges Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and the impish Simon Cowell are already tentatively signed on to rate contestants on such elements as scriptural knowledge, chanting, and condemning the evils of modern society. A test run at St. Ambrose Parish in Teaneck, N.J., left the three enthusiastic. "These papal wannabes floored me!" said Abdul. "Even if some of them flubbed the Nicene Creed and took a little too much sacramental wine, the excitement was definitely there." Cowell took a dimmer view, saying, "These kids put the 'Ewwww' back in Eucharist."
Jones assuaged the fears of many traditional Catholics by saying that many of the ancient rites will be followed. "I know the Pope is traditionally chosen by the Cardinals, so we're working on getting Mark McGwire as a celebrity judge in the finals. And when the white smoke comes out of that chimney - boy, it will be one of the great moments in TV history."
Fox has already confirmed that fan favorite William Hung will be a regular fixture on the series. Said Cowell, "When that kid sings the 'Hosanna in the highest' bit...well, I ran into the confession booth and prayed that God would take me away."
The winner will receive a lifetime of adoration, free travel, countless audiences with penitents, and the unlimited use of the Popemobile.
Posted by Michael at 01:10 AM | Comments (1)
February 24, 2005
Wow. Just, Wow.
You know Gator? That awful awful company that makes spyware and popup-hell software that's almost impossible to find and eliminate?
Don't you wish I was about to tell you that an executive for their company is about to do some hard time?
Actually, one of their execs was just named to a privacy advisory board by the Dept. of Homeland Security.
I don't even have a joke.
Posted by Michael at 02:17 PM | Comments (0)
Romney Demands Trade to Red State
PHOENIX - With the political trading deadline approaching, and frustrated with his role in state politics, Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney asked for a trade yesterday, saying "I'd be a better fit somewhere else."
The remarks came amidst a five-week road trip that has featured Romney speaking before largely conservative crowds and forced to mock his "liberal" "home" state if he wants any dinner. The lowlight, Romney said, was at a meeting of strict Nazarene ministers in Grady Gulch, Tenn., where he was flagellated 17 times in accordance with Scripture for allowing gay marriage to become law in Massachusetts on his watch.
"That was definitely the low point," Romney admitted. "But everywhere I go, Republicans mock me -- 'ooh, there's Mr. Adam and Steve' or 'how's Hippieland' or 'thy stance on embryonic stem cell research is cause for us to pluck out thine eye' -- that kind of thing. I think I need a change of scenery."
Romney, who made a suprising choice signing with Massachusetts in 2000 (there was wide speculation he'd sign with Utah), says he doesn't care where he goes, and that his only goal is to win a championship ring in 2008.
"Face it, I just ain't gonna win a ring coming from Boston," Romney had sighed as he addressed a meeting of Concerned Ladies against Progress in Sun City, Az. "Maybe Indiana or Kansas, I don't know. Just get me out of here."
The problem facing Romney is that few of the Red States have anything Massachusetts really wants. Sources say a deal was in progress where Romney would be traded to Montana for a bunch of liberals rounded up in the basement of a Missoula coffeehouse, but it wouldn't work under the salary cap. Massachusetts Attorney General Tom Reilly, who would have to approve any trade, said, "Mitt's just too high-priced. To make the deal work, we'd have to take on a big contract like [Florida governor] Jeb Bush or [Kansas senator] Sam Brownback, and then we're right back where we started."
Reilly added, "If he's that unhappy, we'd probably need to make a change. But, bottom line is, we have to do what's best for the Commonwealth."
Romney's next stop is Reno, Nev., where he hopes to showcase himself in front of possible Democratic trade bait, and Senate Minority Leader, Harry Reid.
Posted by Michael at 09:57 AM | Comments (3)
February 23, 2005
My Place On the Internets
Two things I read today got me to thinkin':
1.) Ezra Klein's entry on the perception that there aren't a lot of females on the heavy-hitters list of blogdom, particularly on the left. Ezra basically admits that they are out there; they just haven't cracked the "pretty closed club" of the most popular sites that link predominately to one another, and most blog-readers are creatures of habit who check the same few sites each day and only rarely a) click on a link and b) spend any time checking out the rest of the site once they get there.
2.) Atrios prints, in its frantic entirety, a letter from Ron "Don't Call Me Roy" of Why Are We Back?, pleading for some recognition of the digging work he (Ron) has done in the Gannon/Talon scandal.
While Ron gets a little strident, his points are valid. A lot of people are doing a lot of blogging, but all the attention seems to go to the usual suspects. The top of the mountain, I guess, is a cold and lonely place. (For a look into a real clubhouse mentality, check out the comments on that Atrios entry. A more insular group of Myrmidons you'd be hard-pressed to find.)
So what does this have to do with me?
Although I've been doing this site for 6 1/2 years (in Internet terms, that's since the Holy Roman Empire), I don't have it in me to be a professional blogger. I'm not a trained journalist, I don't have the motivation to track down stories, and I don't have the time to post about every damn thing that crosses my mind. But I also don't want this to be an exercise in solopsism, to the point where I'm the only person who cares if I've posted in 3 weeks or not.
There's a happy medium, and I think I'm there. Sure, I'd like to be higher than #9,686, but I'm not going to change what I do, or blogwhore up and down the East Coast to get there. I'm small enough that I probably personally know 85% of my readership, and get a little giddy when someone I don't know checks in, but I also don't have a large hungry readership with a sense of entitlement in terms of time or content (or, for that matter, frequent trolls, or the kind of mental midgets who think they're special 'cause they get the "FIRST POST!!!!" in the comments section).
The downside to having a small readership, which I know 85% of personally, is a necessary bit of self-consciousness as to what I post about and what I go on about. C'est la vie. If I were talking to a bunch of total strangers, I might do a little less self-censoring, but it wouldn't be as much fun.
What does all this mean? I don't know. I'm happy to keep doing what I'm doing, but if anyone has any suggestions, I'll take 'em. If anyone out there doesn't think they're part of that 85%, come on in and introduce yourself; I've actually met a couple people off this site who I never would have found otherwise. I write this for myself, but every time someone says they check BunkoSquad on a regular basis, it reminds me that I'm writing it for other people too. So don't be shy. I promise I'll even start writing back more frequently.
Posted by Michael at 07:29 PM | Comments (1)
Hey, South Carolina, You Can Have Him
Mitt Romney, the latest Massachusetts governor to pull off the "reasonable Republican" bait-and-switch, has finally revealed his true identity. At a Republican fundraiser in South Carolina, Mitt ripped off his cloak of moderation, throwing the crowd red meat related to Mitt's hatred of gay marriage, stem cell research, and in fact pretty much everything about his adopted home state.
But it's not, emphatically not, about testing the waters for a Presidential run. Mitt still insists his first priority is his "native" state, and he's focused on winning the 2006 gubernatorial election. The logic of how he's serving the Commonwealth by bashing it to a bunch of Spartanburg right-wingers eludes me somewhat, but maybe I'm just confused. Probably not as confused as I'll be when he does run for President (you might want to keep a copy of this article from 2004 handy when he does), but no matter.
Unfortunately, for some reason the article doesn't mention the dozens of people traveling around with Mitt whose lives and relationships have been destroyed by gay marriage. I wonder why not.
Posted by Michael at 01:52 PM | Comments (1)
February 19, 2005
Big News
I can still call it "big news", even if I had nothing to do with it and can't take credit for it. Right?
Anyway, thanks to my brother Steve and sister-in-law Debbie, I'm going to be an uncle for the first time this August! I'd like to remind the two of them that if they need someone to take Junior to a baseball game (it's possible) or spread some left-wing propaganda at a formative age (not likely), I'm just a phone call away. Congratulations and best of luck to you guys.
Posted by Michael at 03:07 PM | Comments (2)
February 17, 2005
It Works Even If You Have A Hook
Here's a specially-designed ergonomic keyboard for pirates.
Posted by Michael at 12:08 AM | Comments (0)
February 16, 2005
I've Been Waiting For This Since 1987
Amazon has the Hitchhiker's preview up.
If you can't wait till May (the April date given in the trailer is for the U.K. release) (and I can't), you can keep yourself busy with an updated version of the old Infocom game on a BBC Java Applet. Just remember to buy a sandwich for the little dog.
Posted by Michael at 11:54 PM | Comments (0)
Greenwell For MVP!!!
I never even thought of this; now that Jose Canseco's admitted he was steroided up throughout his career, maybe they should award the 1988 AL MVP Award to the runner-up. Who just happens to be my favorite Red Sock of all time.
Posted by Michael at 10:58 PM | Comments (5)
February 15, 2005
Life Imitates Art, Or Something
So I had a really great idea for a novel. A real potboiler suspense thriller. Here's the plot:
A Presidential Administration, with no real ideas and resistant to any questioning or challenging, plants a friendly patsy in the White House briefing room. As soon as the press secretary (or, in a few cases, the President) gets uncomfortable with the line of questioning, he calls on the patsy to lob him a softball and take the heat off. In fact, maybe at one press conference, the President will call on the patsy right after stating that he isn't going to manipulate the media. What a great start!
But a good novel needs a good twist. And I was going to have one. See, you'd think a good patsy would be an eager-beaver fresh graduate from journalism school. But I thought, what if they don't go the obvious route, and instead pick a guy from a "news organization" nobody's ever heard of, and have the patsy use a fake name...say, Jeff Gannon...when presumably everyone in the White House would have to go through rigorous security screening, and married female reporters can't even use their maiden names if that's what they go by professionally. Would anyone believe that?
But that's not enough of a twist. Here's the crazy part...the patsy may be a prostitute! Specifically, a gay prostitute who's been affiliated with m4m military-type escort sites. That may be hard to reconcile with a staunchly pro-military and anti-gay White House, but we can make it work. The folks at Americablog have some great story ideas and twists on this whole angle.
I'm toying with the idea that this prostitute, who somehow was brought into White House press briefings, may also have been involved with the leaking of the name of an undercover CIA agent whose husband had started questioning the Administration. That's an interesting subplot idea, though it might take over the whole story.
Some questions before I write this novel: (1) Does the patsy get into the White House with a fake name because of crappy security, or because someone high up in the Administration owes him a favor? (2) Would this favor be at all connected with the patsy's past work as a prostitute, or is that stretching it? (3) Would the opposition party - who had just seen a President almost taken down because of a sex scandal - investigate at all? (4) Won't the mainstream media be a little outraged that this all happened right under their noses in the briefing room, and that it took bloggers to start investigating the story?
Would anyone believe that?
Posted by Michael at 11:22 AM | Comments (0)
February 13, 2005
Semi-Annual News
The new movie review, that of Double Indemnity, is up. All those who've been holding their breaths these last 6 months can triumphantly exhale.
Posted by Michael at 12:00 AM | Comments (7)
February 12, 2005
Howard's Back!
DailyKos is inviting all lefty bloggers to put a link on their site to give money to the DNC, now that Howard Dean is there to actually start fighting for us.
As Kos says, "Everytime you hear the 'Dean Scream' without context, consider donating. When you hear some empty head talk about the party 'moving left' with Dean, consider donating."
Oliver says Dean is an angry Democrat.. But
...unlike Republicans who were angry that the President was getting something on the side and they weren't, its an anger fully justified by the factual data at hand. To recap: the Republicans impeached my President, perpetrated a fraudulent election, cleared brush while terrorist threats gathered, misled my country into war, demonized all opponents to the war as anti-American, sent 1400+ of our finest to die, and ran a campaign based on smearing a decent man.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Anyone who hasn't wanted to scream at the sheer absurdity of the Bush White House isn't someone I want to ride in an elevator with, let alone run my political party.
Posted by Michael at 11:35 PM | Comments (0)
Meet Your Red-State Neighbors
Can it really be true that 2 counties in Alabama have no dentists?
Posted by Michael at 11:16 PM | Comments (0)
February 10, 2005
The Mouth That Bored
Despite being less of a factor in the Superbowl than the Eagles' mascot, despite giving the Patriots all the motivation they didn't really need, and -- most of all -- despite LOSING, Eagles' WR (I think he's a WR; I don't remember hearing his name) Freddie Mitchell still can't keep his mouth shut.
Freddie must be a religious fella. That would explain why he never does anything on Sundays.
Posted by Michael at 03:02 PM | Comments (1)
February 09, 2005
Uniquely Moronic
George Bush goes to Nebraska. He meets a single mom with three kids, who's working three jobs. Bush's response? He thinks it's "fantastic" and "uniquely American".
Posted by Michael at 05:19 PM | Comments (1)
February 08, 2005
Headache
In Which I Attempt To Make Some Sense of the Impending Social Security Meltdown, But Come Away Ten Times More Confused Than When I Started, Though Still Apparently Less Confused Than the President And Chief Architect of the Solution:
George Bush says Social Security is in imminent danger. And since Bush has learned his lesson, and will never again make shit up to support a dubious hypothesis, he must be telling the truth.
Now I've never paid much attention to Social Security; like I once thought about the Red Sox winning, my attitude has always been "don't count on it". All the reports I had seen in the past have the whole system going belly-up around 2040; regular readers of this site may note that that's the year I'll turn 66. (In fact, my plans for retirement saving are a lot like Homer Simpson's plans for the Nuclear Physics 101 final: "I'm going to hide under some coats until the test is over, and hope that it all works out somehow.") But I was duly alarmed and panicked by Bush's assertion that the whole thing will fall apart within hours. So I started investigating.
Luckily there's a website called There Is No Crisis. I don't know who runs it and I don't know who updates it, so it automatically has more credibility than the Bush Administration. They, and Josh Marshall, dissect the plan a lot more carefully than I ever could. But there are some aspects of the S.S. fix that I find troubling.
George dreams of making America into an "ownership society". Which means, of course, that we all get pWn3d. See, by diverting a portion (not much) of your Social Security tax into your choice (not really your choice) of stocks and bonds, you will (might) have extra left over when you retire. I think. Keep in mind, of course, that five years ago, the people in charge of this would have probably thought that Enron was a safe stock to invest S.S. money in. So it's kind of like betting your nest egg on the blackjack table, except there aren't free drinks and you have to wait 30 years to see if the dealer can beat your 15. The fact that mutual fund managers and bankers and Wall Street and other Republican-leaning institutions get a big immediate windfall out of this is, I'm sure, just a happy coincidence.
But clearly we have to do something, or Social Security will be broke by 1988. Or something like that. So Bush is on the road, visiting friendly red states, standing arm-in-arm with Republican Senators who embrace his policy...or do they? Josh Marshall says "it is striking just how few Republican senators are willing to go on the record in support of the president's plan.".
Maybe the problem is with semantics. Bush and company were gung-ho about the "privatization" of S.S...until they learned that people didn't like that term. Enter "personal accounts", and Bush will snap at you if you call them what he called them a month ago.
But private, or personal, or potential, or pitiful - the fact remains that this is a complicated issue, and it's good we have a good communicator to distill it down to its essence:
THE PRESIDENT: Because the -- all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those -- changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be -- or closer delivered to what has been promised.
Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the -- like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate -- the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those -- if that growth is affected, it will help on the red.
Okay, better? I'll keep working on it.
Um....good idea.
So that's what I've learned. Some of your money can/should be diverted to handpicked (not by you) stocks and bonds, and you may get some of it back when you retire or die, but maybe not, and somehow if you're already rich you'll get more out of it than if you're not, and this has to happen now or your grandmother will be living in a cardboard box and eating cat food. And somehow this will fix the fact that black people don't live as long as white people, but I can't even get my brain in a state where I can figure that out.
I may stick to sports.
Posted by Michael at 02:04 PM | Comments (1)
February 07, 2005
Nothin's Gonna Touch You In These Golden Years
It really wasn't all that long ago that being a sports fan in Massachusetts meant pain and agony. As recently as September 2000, I remember sitting in a dejected Fenway after the Sox finished getting cleaned out by Cleveland, thinking, "We are so screwed. The Pats are bad, the Celtics are going nowhere, the Sox will just take us on another wild ride and long plunge again next year...I hate this city."
So you'll perhaps forgive us if we still stagger around elated at the thought that this has recently become Titletown USA, and maybe gloat a little. We know how few and far between these moments of transcendent joy can be. As the poor suckers in New York are learning. But look:
First place in the "worst division in NBA history" is still first place.
The Bruins haven't lost a game all year.
I still can't think about the events of last October without blacking out for five minutes and then coming to, shaking my head in wild disbelief.
And the Patriots...the Patriots, the stepchildren of the local sports scene, the franchise that once dwelled in the depths of Phoenix Cardinals/Cincinnati Bengals-like ineptitude...the Patriots are a certified football dynasty.
In a way, I'm a little sorry it happened to Philly. They deserve to feel this way more than anyone else (yes, I hear you, Cleveland, but forget it). But it's like Don Corleone told Salazzo; "I wish you good luck, as best as your interests don't conflict with ours." All I can say to my phriends down there is: don't give up. Hang on. When it happens (and it will), all the misery and all the frustration disappears just. Like. That.
Posted by Michael at 12:52 AM | Comments (5)
February 03, 2005
SOTU, STHU
I missed the State of the Union address; tickets for a clash between rivals in the "worst division in NBA history" won out. But Ezra Klein did a good running commentary, and thinkprogress.org did insta-fact-checking.
As for that cheering you may have heard in the press box (not at the Celtics game), look no futher than Jeff Gannon, a journalistic cipher who's been given good seats at White House press conferences and allowed to lob softball questions at the president or his press secretary. "Mr. Bush, your campaign seems to have the momentum of a runaway freight train. What makes you so popular?"
I think, until proven otherwise, any professional journalist or Fox News reporter should be assumed to be on the Administraion's payroll.
And if you heard any booing (or "Boo-ushing"), it's because those scoundrel Democrats committed the unprecedented sin of jeering at the SOTU speech. Unprecedented, that is, unless you count the annual Republican booing of Clinton.
Posted by Michael at 01:14 PM | Comments (0)
February 01, 2005
Happy Thoughts
I'm a little disappointed. My personal members of the Republican Truth Squad, whose job it is to monitor left-leaning blogs and call us out on any statements that don't praise and glorify George W. Bush, have apparently left for greener (or more frequently-updated) pastures. Which means, so far, no one has taken me to task for not dancing in the streets about the Iraqi elections.
But just in case you were wondering...I'd like to think that this is a turning point. However, since the turning point failed to come with the fall of the statue, or the "Mission Accomplished" photo-op, or the capture of Hussein, or the assault on Fallujah, or the (already-brushed-aside) revelation that the WMDs weren't there, forgive me if my unrestrained glee is still a bit...restrained. On the election myself, and the American reaction, my views are about the same as Charles Pierce (scroll down to "Correspondent's Corner").
Posted by Michael at 11:51 AM | Comments (0)
¡Follow-Up!
Reliable sources (i.e., not the Herald) have informed me that Rich Garces wasn't kidnapped. He, depending on the source, either went on a bender, ditched his family, or went to the Caracas branch of the Frying Dutchman for the all-you-can-eat seafood buffet.
We stand by our best wishes and hope for a safe return, however.
Posted by Michael at 09:25 AM | Comments (1)