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February 24, 2005
Romney Demands Trade to Red State
PHOENIX - With the political trading deadline approaching, and frustrated with his role in state politics, Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney asked for a trade yesterday, saying "I'd be a better fit somewhere else."
The remarks came amidst a five-week road trip that has featured Romney speaking before largely conservative crowds and forced to mock his "liberal" "home" state if he wants any dinner. The lowlight, Romney said, was at a meeting of strict Nazarene ministers in Grady Gulch, Tenn., where he was flagellated 17 times in accordance with Scripture for allowing gay marriage to become law in Massachusetts on his watch.
"That was definitely the low point," Romney admitted. "But everywhere I go, Republicans mock me -- 'ooh, there's Mr. Adam and Steve' or 'how's Hippieland' or 'thy stance on embryonic stem cell research is cause for us to pluck out thine eye' -- that kind of thing. I think I need a change of scenery."
Romney, who made a suprising choice signing with Massachusetts in 2000 (there was wide speculation he'd sign with Utah), says he doesn't care where he goes, and that his only goal is to win a championship ring in 2008.
"Face it, I just ain't gonna win a ring coming from Boston," Romney had sighed as he addressed a meeting of Concerned Ladies against Progress in Sun City, Az. "Maybe Indiana or Kansas, I don't know. Just get me out of here."
The problem facing Romney is that few of the Red States have anything Massachusetts really wants. Sources say a deal was in progress where Romney would be traded to Montana for a bunch of liberals rounded up in the basement of a Missoula coffeehouse, but it wouldn't work under the salary cap. Massachusetts Attorney General Tom Reilly, who would have to approve any trade, said, "Mitt's just too high-priced. To make the deal work, we'd have to take on a big contract like [Florida governor] Jeb Bush or [Kansas senator] Sam Brownback, and then we're right back where we started."
Reilly added, "If he's that unhappy, we'd probably need to make a change. But, bottom line is, we have to do what's best for the Commonwealth."
Romney's next stop is Reno, Nev., where he hopes to showcase himself in front of possible Democratic trade bait, and Senate Minority Leader, Harry Reid.
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Comments
The main political goal in Mass should be to get Romney out of office so he can not use the Governorship to launch a Presidential campaign. Romney is one Bushbot needs to go.
Posted by: spurge | February 24, 2005 05:30 PM
For those so inclined, there is a website through MassEquality, where you can let Mitt know exactly how you feel. The link is http://www.massequality.org/romney.php
Posted by: Amy | February 24, 2005 05:32 PM
But! But! He'd make a great President! He's really, really handsome! And he has a lovely family! And he's rich, so you know that means God loves him! And did I say he was handsome? And everyone knows only really, really good people look that good!
Besides, he ran the Olympics! You don't get more All-American than the Olympics!
Posted by: Sharoney | March 1, 2005 11:10 PM
