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March 23, 2005

Theory of Gravity Challenged in Oklahoma

OKLAHOMA CITY - Responding to pressure from parents' groups and others, the state Board of Education has agreed to place restrictions on the teaching of Newton's theory of gravity.

Stickers will now be required to be placed on all middle- and high-school science, history and French textbooks. The stickers will read, "This textbook contains material on gravity. Gravity is a theory, not a fact, regarding the forces that hold the universe together. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered."

"It's clearly a victory over the Oklahoma scientific elite," said Tallequah parent Marcy Spingler. "I don't want my kids exposed to some theory that hasn't been tested, proven. peer-reviewed and verified. Our prayers have been answered."

The board's vote was 6-to-1 in favor of the stickers. Professor Max Wiersing, an MIT graduate who has lived in Oklahoma since his car broke down traveling Route 66 in 1992, cast the lone dissenting vote. "These people think that 'theory' means 'guess'. It's not. A theory is an established paradigm that explains the data we have and offers valid...oh dear Lord. Never mind."

Wiersing stared off into space for a minute, then offered more evidence in favor of gravity by hurling himself off a bridge.

Enid lawyer James Plunk, who has mounted succesful challenges in Oklahoma to the Theory of Evolution, the First Law of Thermodynamics, and the Pythagorean Theorem, was pleased with the result. "We're going after long division next!" Plunk told a rally outside the smoking crater that once housed the Oklahoma Science Museum. "Then we're banning Barney, beacuse there weren't any dinosaurs on Noah's Ark!"

Schoolchildren don't seem to be fazed by the thought that Oklahoma's scientific test scores now lag behind 46 states, 143 countries, a tribe in New Guinea that's never been exposed to the outside world, and several species of hermit crabs. Tulsa sixth-grader Ashley Britney Sue McCormick said. "Teacher used to tell us how Isaac Newton has some apple fall on his head or somethin'. Teacher ain't there no more."

Tenth-grader Billy Brapp of Ponca City agreed. "Back before Pa threw the TV away 'cuz all the electricity came out of the socket and filled the house with poison, we used to watch all those cartoons. You know how Wile E. Coyote used to run off a cliff all the time? He never fell -- at least, not till he looked down or was shown a book about gravity."

The ruling makes Oklahoma the seventh state to restrict teaching about gravity. Next week, Tennessee lawmakers are poised to pass a bill officially delaring pi to be 3.

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Posted by: grrl8trax | March 23, 2005 01:52 PM

Posted by: shannon | March 23, 2005 03:45 PM

Posted by: bombadil | March 24, 2005 08:11 AM

Posted by: Wm | April 7, 2005 12:33 AM