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May 11, 2005
Six States Vying to Take Reagan's Name
HELENA, MT - With the first anniversary of the death of former President Ronald Reagan approaching, BunkoSquad has learned that at least six states have quietly begun the process of renaming themselves to honor the Gipper.
Perhaps the most concentrated effort is here in the Treasure State, where Congressman Max Blaing (R) says support for the late Reagan has never been higher. "If Ronnie ran again, God rest his soul," Blaing told an enthusiastic crowd, "he'd take all of Montana's four electoral votes, dead or no. That's why we owe him our name...the name of the great state of Reagana!"
Sources from coast to coast also indicate that, if all six efforts are successful, get ready for the new states of Reaglahoma, North Gipperkota, Reagansas, Reaganland (formerly Oregon) and Rhonnie Island.
The driving force to rename Arkansas to Reagansas is State Senator Orville "Butterball" Clutterbuck. "A high school tour group from Forsyth told me that there's only one US state named after a President, and it's George Washington. And I was outraged. George Washington was a war hero, true, but he did nothing about Communism. Nothing! It's time we honored a true American patriot."
The movement has high hopes for renaming at least four of the potential six states, since Reagan's name has recently been appended to such diverse landmarks as Washington, D.C.'s airport, the Grand Canyon, the new bridge over I-670 in Saint Louis, and Saskatchewan. In a stunning show of support for the late President, a group of students in Greensville, Ohio, chanted "Tear down this wall!" for hours as they systematically demolished every structure in the town.
A spokesman for the Reagan family said, "We appreciate it, really, but the family would like people to focus on curing the Alzheimer's disease that ravaged poor Ronald for his last years." Legislation was immediately proposed in the U.S. Congress to change the name of the disease to "America's Sorrow".
No state has changed its name since 1977, when the state of Prairiana redubbed itself Kansas, to honor the band that hit the charts with "Carry On, My Wayward Son" and "Dust in the Wind".
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