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June 08, 2005
More Sox Talk
This is a conversation I've had with friends, and one I've explored in some depth with my sister. And now I throw the question out there to all of you: What job coud you picture each of the current/recent Red Sox having, if there were no such thing as organized professional sports?
I'll throw a few suggestions out there:
Bronson Arroyo - indie rocker, obviously.
Mark Bellhorn - probably a bicycle courier.
Johnny Damon - hairdresser and messiah seem a little too obvious. This is a toughie.
Keith Foulke - insurance salesman.
Nomar Garciaparra - psychiatrist specializing in OCD.
Gabe Kapler - personal trainer at a local gym.
Byung-Hyun Kim - what's the opposite of a fireman? I guess arsonist.
Derek Lowe - I think my sister nailed this; assistant manager of an IHOP.
Pedro Martinez - owner of a mango-tree grove in the Dominican Republic.
Kevin Millar - bartender. Duh.
Bill Mueller - carpenter or stonemason.
David Ortiz - chef at Big Papi's Caribbean BBQ restaurant. Sans Sox uniform, I totally see him in a sauce-stained apron.
Manny Ramirez - I'm genuinely stumped.
Curt Schilling - sadly, a Republican Congressman in some state legislature.
Mike Timlin - host of a hunting/fishing show on ESPN2 (assuming there is an ESPN2 without sports)
Jason Varitek - this is a toughie. I honestly can't picture him doing anything for a living other than catching.
Tim Wakefield - my brother-in-law (again, I defer to my sister's wishes)
David Wells - possibly a bartender at a biker bar.
Again, these are some ideas. Improvements are welcome, as are suggestions for anyone I've forgotten.
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Comments
Though its still on the fringe of being a little too obvious, I could see Damon running some kind of herbal remedies store. And you were close on Schilling, but not quite there, he'd be a talk show host on some radio station out of Omaha, Nebraska. Arroyo's day job would be, of course at a record store or as a waiter at some local restaurant.
Posted by: Andy | June 8, 2005 08:13 AM
I could see Wells as a tattoo artist next to a biker bar.
Posted by: adamg | June 8, 2005 09:02 AM
Perhaps Varitek could be a plumber; they squat a lot.
Posted by: phil | June 8, 2005 04:24 PM
Good calls on Bellhorn, Ortiz, Schilling, Millar, and Timlin. They all seem right to me. I'll defer judgement on Wakefield, but that is a possibility.
As far as Manny is concerned. With his hair, and the expressions on his face, if he had put on a little more weight, he could have been Marlon Brando's stand-in in "The Godfather".
Posted by: Vin | June 9, 2005 08:25 AM
Manny: Special ed teacher: He's great with kids, and he's a little kooky himself. Wake should be a maitre'd at a fine french restaurant, and Cabrera is either a old time crooner, ala Sammy Davis, Jr., or a sly comedian.
Posted by: josh | June 11, 2005 03:46 AM
