BunkoSquad

« Dizzying Speed | Main | SurvivorBlog IV: I Think I Know Who's Going to Win the Whole Tomato »

February 22, 2006

Bush Dismisses Fox-Henhouse Security Concerns; Threatens Veto

WASHINGTON - Amid criticism from Democrats and within his own party, President Bush stood firm on his goal to transfer security at 5,000 U.S. henhouses to a international consortium of foxes. Bush threatened to veto any attempt to review or delay the decision.

"I don't know what everyone's worked up about," Bush told a handpicked crowd. "With all of the serious issues affecting our country today, I still feel totally secure putting the nation's key henhouses in the foxes' hands. They've assured me they'll do the best job, and I believe them."

Critics of the plan point out that the foxes have been known to repeatedly eat hens in the past, and that the security concerns might be better handled by a trusted German shepherd or a Doberman. But White House spokesman Scott McLellan dismissed such concerns, saying, "The foxes are on our side. They swore not to eat all the hens. Can't we talk about something else?"

The 5,000 henhouses in question are scattered around the nation, with the bulk being located in rural areas of the Midwest. This has some local residents worried. "I just don't feel like my hens are safe, even if the foxes are the President's friends," said farmer Roy Lundberg of Wisconsin. "I really wish he'd thought it through."

Some critics have noted that in September 2001, a henhouse in Lower Manhattan (Ks.) was destroyed and all the hens eaten. Several of the predators were traced to the fox consortium, but Bush made a controversial decision to ignore them, and invade a nest of badgers nearby. The War on Badgers has cost $345 billion so far.

Critics have also pointed to a history of friendly relationships between the Bush family and the foxes. "This smacks of a sweetheart deal, made to line the foxes' pockets and put American hens at risk.", said a Congressman who declined to be identified. "Why outsource henhouse security, when we have a surplus of dogs here, plus a Vice-President with an itchy trigger finger?"

But Bush says he's steadfast in his determination to ram the fox deal forward, despite it being opposed by 98 Senators, 433 Representatives, all 50 State Legislatures, 99.7% of the American public, and the hens. "The foxes are our allies in the Global War on Badgers," Bush said, "and we're going to reward them. Reward them a lot."

Poultry futures dropped 86% on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange yesterday.

Filed Under: Dick Cheney Shot A Guy, Made Up Stuff | Permanent Link, Comments (1)   | Linking Blogs

Comments

Posted by: V-bunny | February 27, 2006 04:24 PM