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February 09, 2006

I'm An American Hero

I haven't had much to say about politics lately. It's all so depressing. But then I read that George Bush is saying that he foiled a terrorist attack in LA in 2002, but was too modest to tell any of us about it. Since the Bush Administration is nothing if not honest and forthright, I decided it was time to come clean myself. That's right, I myself, have thwarted NINE separate and impending terrorist incidents since 9/11.

1. 11/18/2001: Threw away all my bills to guard against spread of anthrax.

2. 10/12/2002: Bought the last chocolate glazed donut at Dunkin's; terrorist behind me in line had a sugar crash later that day and fell asleep before he could bomb the Red Line.

3. 3/2/2004: Cut a guy off in traffic at the Fresh Pond rotary; he was on his way to spread mustard-gas in Worcester.

4. 5/30/2004: Bought tickets from a scalper at Fenway; terrorist could have bought it instead and released nerve agents in the grandstand.

5. 12/4/2004: Finished Xmas shopping early; weakened terrorists' resolve.

6. 4/18/2005: While on vacation in Miami, I noticed a man fiddling with what looked like a cell-phone, but was actually a remote detonator. I alerted security, and they whisked him away.

7. 11/24/2005: Declined to attend Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. This lowered the crowd by one, pushing it under the terrorists' threshold of being worth their while.

8. 1/14/2006: Riding the B train back from Kenmore. I saw something; I said something.

9. 2/8/2006: Killed a fly that, according to chaos theory, could have set into motion a chain of events that would have ended with a nuclear detonation in Milwaukee.

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Comments

Posted by: christine | February 11, 2006 09:15 PM

Posted by: cherylann | February 12, 2006 11:54 PM

Posted by: michael | February 13, 2006 10:05 AM