BunkoSquad

The next morning brings sunshine and a radical realignment of the tribes. Two survivors are randomly selected to start picking teams, backyard-kickball-style. The two new teams are Casaya and La Mina, and with an odd number of contestants (and a number of odd ones), the misfit turns out to be Bruce, the Japanese guy, who is summarily hustled off to Exile Island. He'll join whichever tribe ends up at the next Tribal Council.

Then starts the immediate reward challenge: haul a bunch of wooden snakes through an obstacle course and win a bunch of fishing equipment. La Mina beats Casaya (get used to that), and off they go.

The tribes immediately start forming alliances. The four Abercrombie models on Casaya (Aras, Courtney, Danielle and jittery Shane) decide that they're in it together, come hell or high water. At La Mina, the two guys' guys (Dan and Terry) enlist the two younger guys (Austin and Nick) into a solemn oath, to the point where I think Austin might wind up with a horse's head in his bed if he crosses Terry. Then Sally and Misty try to lock Austin and Nick into their alliance, too. If you think you're confused now, you're still ahead of Austin.

Meanwhile on Exile Island, Bruce is dedicated to finding the idol. (I wasn't going to make the following joke - I swear I was not going to go there - until Bruce started mugging for the camera in karate poses.) Then a boat pulls up to Exile Island, and some GIs rescue Bruce, telling him it's OK to come along, that the Emperor has surrendered. Happy endings all around.

The two tribes meet up and immediately start to reenact some of the classic scenes from Airplane!. Shane admits that he picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue, and Jeff does his best Rex Kramer imitation at the Immunity challenge. "Casaya needs to pick it up! La Mina's not getting anywhere! Striker, you're coming in too low, dammit!"

La Mina wins the Immunity Challenge. They're shaping up to be the much, much stronger of the two tribes. The only friction they had was when Sally took the fishing equipment out for a test-spin, and dropped the spear into the briny depths. Dan looked about ready to clean and fillet her on the spot, but then it was commercial time.

Doomed to Tribal Council, Casaya gets a bombshell from Shane. He wants out in a big way. He heard that once you're voted out, you get to go stay in a hotel with cigarettes, a minibar and steak tips, and he's sold. He tells everyone to just chuck him. Melinda and Cerie, realizing that their chances of surviving are slim to none, can't believe their good fortune.

But then Aras has a brainstorm. You can almost see the wheels of his mind grinding as he thinks, "If we vote off this wretched, jittery, detoxing, inconsistent moron....MY ALLIANCE IS SMALLER!" He then makes the classy move of telling the whole tribe that they need Shane to keep his alliance intact. Points for honesty, Aras, if not for political savvy. Aras convinces Shane that they'll spend the next three days rigging up a crude wooden crystal-meth lab, and suddenly Shane's hot to trot.

So all that's left is to figure out whether Shane's blade will find Cirie's back, or Melinda's. You'll remember from Episode One that Cirie is afraid of leaves, and Melinda is harmless if a bit Mouseketeerish, so of course they decide to jettison Melinda.

At Tribal Council, Jeff resists the urge to strangle the Casayas. Shane says that even though he was begging and pleading to be sent home, he didn't really mean it. Cerie and Melinda express their disappointment with being on the chopping block for no reason. And Bruce looks around like a guy who's just been drafted by the Washington Generals.

And Melinda's torch is out. I hope she spends the next three days drinking all the alcohol and smoking all the cigarettes in the hotel, so the scoundrel doesn't get 'em.