BunkoSquad

See, the focal point of Shane's existence seems to be evenly divided between Joe Camel and his son. No bond with Shane, however ridiculous, is legitimate unless Shane's son is sworn on, regardless of whether the other person has ever or will ever meet the kid. I get the feeling that Shane might be as insufferable in real life as he is on the island: "Boss, I swear on my son that I'll have the Henderson projections ready for Thursday's meeting." "I swear on my son that I ordered the pickles and mayo on the SIDE!"

But the next morning, the Casaya ladies have a good giggle over his babbling. They seem to have realized what the rest of us knew from 11 minutes into Episode One: he's an unpredictable lunatic, and the sooner he's gone, the better. Courtney, unexpectedly showing her Madame Defarge side, says it's off to the guillotine with him. Apres Bobby, la deluge.

Over at La Mina, Terry finally gets a crack at some of the beans that laid Austin and Nick low last time. Austin's hurting; remember the old cartoons when two guys would be stranded on a desert island, and one of them would look at the other and his body would suddenly turn into a pot roast? That's Austin right now.

Then there's a suprising montage of Dan. He's sitting on the beach, talking about his career as an astronaut, and I start thinking "uh-oh". This is like the main cop's buddy talking about the boat he's going to buy after next week's retirement party. He tells Austin and Nick about his career (Terry either knew or deduced it), and suprisingly, the two jaded Gen-Yers are visibly awed. Nick says, "Makes me wish I'd done something in my life." Austin says "I'm really John Grisham", then spits out a paint-by-numbers potboiler about an evil lawyer in El Dorado, Arkansas. I think I'm starting to like Austin.

Austin also calls Dan a pimp. It's hard out there for a pimp.

Back to Casaya, where the fallout from Shane's midnight soliliquy is starting to settle. Shane tells everyone he's seriously out of the Alliance (cunningly setting up a 1-vs-5 scenario) and asks them all if he can have his son's name back. They all look at each other and go, "sure". Meanhwile, Aras seems to have learned the old adage: better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, then to open it and confirm it, over and over and over again. And Bruce tends his Zen rock garden, hoping a volleyball will wash up on shore that he can be friends with.

Treemail! Challenge! This one's for all the marbles: Immunity and Reward (an expedition to the mainland for a wild Panamanian BBQ). Also, the winners get to send a loser to Exile Island during the Tribal Council, so they're picking someone to be untouchable for a week. Jeff Probst. You magnificent bastard. Where do you come up with this stuff?

The challenge itself is pretty mundane: run to some puzzle pieces, untie them, haul them back to base, where two teammates try to assemble the puzzle. La Mina gets their pieces back first, but Dan completely vapor locks on the puzzle, and Casaya pulls another win out of their hats. Correctly figuring that Sally is the odd girl out on Team Testosterone, they banish her, meaning that the barbershop quartet is about to become a trio.

So the Casayas are off to town to mingle with the locals, which has "international incident" written all over it. Hope the producers have the ambassador's number on speed-dial. But it's congenial. They give gifts to the local urchins, feast on chicken and soup (with no apparent ill gastrointestinal effects), and then it happens. The One Thing that can lend equilibrium to the troubled tribe. The One Hope for peace and sanity.

Shane spots a guy with a pack of cigarettes.

In a candid interview, he admits (paraphrased): "If they wanted to trade, I'd do it. I'd have given my shoes, my shorts, my buff - if they wanted my underpants for a smoke, I'd walk around nude the rest of the day." Fortunately, the Panamanians aren't ruthless hagglers (or have some taste) and Shane is reunited with his own personal Holy Grail. The first drag? Picture Westley and Buttercup's reunion, times 14,000. It was that poignant.

Casaya seems to put on a show for the locals, each showing off their own talents. Bruce does a terrifying karate routine. Courtney fire-dances. Danielle unbuttons a button. Socrates pantomimes how much he loves baseball, billiards and San Dimas. And Shane, his chemical balance restored, starts gladhanding his tribemates, saying how sorry he was for his actions. Oh boy.

Back to La Mina, and the difficult decision to break up the guys. It looks like it's headed for a 2-2 tie, since the old guys bonded from the start, and the kids seem a good pair. But Austin and Nick plead with Terry that Dan has to go. He botched the last challenge, he's shown some weakness, he can't really go out in the sun for more than 12 seconds. Terry nods grimly, then goes off to tell Dan not to fear the Reaper.

Dan takes the news in stride. This is La Mina, remember, home of the Camazotz-esque hivemind. If it were legal, he'd vote for himself. All he can do is go on and on about how the puzzle beat him. You get the feeling that 10 years from now, Dan will be sitting in a diner somewhere, babbling about how the puzzle beat him, with a comfortable 3 empty stools on either side of him.

At Tribal Council, Jeff probes (heh) for any sign of bitterness or dissent from the four guys. Nada. This is a united front; when they go to vote, Jeff honestly has no idea who will be unanimously kicked off (well, until Dan raises his hand). Off he goes, into the wild blue yonder. And we all get to watch Shane for another week.