BunkoSquad

The first candidate for "Too Weird to Keep Around" is (wait for it) Shane, who's found an interesting piece of wood in the jungle and is now pretending it's a Blackberry (which may or may not be a cell phone; my knowledge of technology is still 1992ish). He's talking about it, and into it, and to it, and the Survivor Medical Emergency Team is consulting the rulebook for the Institutionalization Policy.

The Reward Challenge features two teams of three, clipped to a long cable that they have to follow along a long obstacle course. It's Aras/Cirie/Shane vs. Courtney/Terry/Danielle, and it doesn't take Mel Kiper Jr. to predict how this is gonna play out. C/T/D makes it to the finish line after A/C/S spends six hours trying to untangle a tricky knot. Aras heads back to Exile Island; Shane and Cirie trudge back to Hellhole Beach.

Courtney, Terry and Danielle are off to a barbecued picnic, but wait! There's a subchallenge, where the three of them fire slingshots at ceramic boards to try to win a major prize from a beloved sponsor. Sadly, it's not a gam-shaped lamp. Terry shocks everyone by winning, and they head off to retrieve his brand new [your product here: $1500] and take it to their feast. Terry might not win the million, but I bet he could be President of Panama by the end of this thing.

Exile Island. Aras has finally realized that the Immunity Idol is long gone, and sits forlornly on the giant skull, a sadder and wiser man.

At Barbecue Beach, Terry, Danielle and Courtney pile into the [your product here] and drive off to the grub. Now that they've got him outnumbered 5-to-1, the girls are finally ready to talk Alliance with Terry. They all agree that they'd make a splendid Final Three, and make tentative plans to boot Aras this week, then Shane. Somewhere on the mainland, Shane's son feels a sharp chest pain as the alliance forged on his soul starts to crumble. With a jaunty toast, the new King and Queens of the Universe finish their meal.

And back on Hellhole Beach, Shane and Cirie are spending some quality time. Shane, thank God, keeps his pants on. Cirie decides that now would be a good time to contribute something to her fellow castaways, and goes fishing. Incidentally, I may not have showered enough praise on Cirie; she's awesome. The Greek chorus of sanity among the Bonehead Brigade. I think CBS would do well to cut to interviews with her in future seasons. I think ESPN should have her as a sideline reporter for Monday Night Football. I think some fishing show could hire her, since she actually catches a damn fish! Somehow she extracts a snail from its shell, somehow she attaches it to a fishing line, and somehow she hauls one in. I'll be really disappointed if some CBS flunky ran in offscreen and planted it. Not shocked, mind you - just disappointed.

So she comes back with the fish and Shane's overjoyed (it's apparently his birthday). Then the Masters of the Universe return from the cookout. Terry doesn't get to bring his awesome new [sponsor's product], but at least they get to make some condescending noises about how cute Cirie's little fish is; oh, our second appetizer was fish!

And now to the Terry Deitz Showcase Hour, formerly known as the Immunity Challenge. If you've ever read Stephen King's The Long Walk, you may be starting to see Terry as the Stebbins character - the Rabbit - who's just in there to make everyone else work a little harder. It'd be awesome (if highly improbable) if Terry's in this to get revenge on his Dad, Jeff Probst.

But I digress. The Challenge is a forced march through Maine...sorry, a strength and endurance challenge in which they have to hold on to ropes which Jeff will keep adding weight to. They have a weigh-in, and off they go. Cirie, amazingly, doesn't go first (Shane does), and the final two are Courtney and the Rabbit. Both of them look pained. Both of them are struggling mightily. Courtney lets go. Terry wins. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Now the fun starts. Terry clearly wants to go into the final two with Courtney, which is why he's setting up an alliance with Danielle and Cirie. Shane doesn't realize that no one cares about his son, so he's sticking with his doomed Aras/Courtney/Danielle quartet. Aras thinks everyone's going to go after him. Cirie doesn't want anything except for Courtney to be gone. Danielle cannily realizes that Terry's stacking the new alliance in his favor. Courtney sulks.

A new cabal has formed: Danielle and Cirie enlist Aras to kick out Courtney. If this holds, it means no one's in control. It's anarchy! Who would have thought that Casaya would one day devolve into anarchy?

Tribal Council! The Jury of the Damned come in...Austin...Sally (looking not unlike Stevie Nicks)...and Bruce! He's OK! He gets a round of applause, then the remaining Survivors all voice their feelings of mistrust and betrayal. The votes come in. And it's Courtney! One of the three most annoying people in the history of the planet, and she's out before the Final Five. Shane looks more pissed than Courtney. Terry looks pensive. Courtney stalks off the beach, her frolicking days behind her, a sadder and wiser fire dancer.