BunkoSquad

At the end of last episode, you may remember, the vote was 2-2 to oust Cirie or Danielle. Jeff Probst is surprisingly subdued as he explains to the ladies that they will be given all the tools to make fire, and whoever's fire gets high enough to burn through a rope will move on to the Final Three.

There's a lot of tension as fires go out and restart, and some reaction shots from the Jury of the Damned, but in the end Danielle's fire gets a little higher, and Cirie's non-pyre means she's required to expire. It was down to the wire.

There's a Reward Challenge for the final three: climb up an inclined wall using pegs. Winner gets a hearty meal and a comfy bed to prepare them for the final Immunity Challenge. Terry wins and gets all up in Aras' face. Well, good for you. The next morning, Terry describes his night of luxury while Aras angrily chews a nasty-looking piece of fish. Aras says that everyone and his mother expects Terry to win the last Immunity Challenge, so he's getting all existensial and nihilistic.

That morning comes the great Survivor tradition of remembering all the losers who've gone before them. Tina, we barely knew ye. Melinda. There's Misty eating a worm. Ruth-Marie, getting as much screen time in this vignette as she got all along. There's Bobby, chopping his fish. Dan; it's emotional for Terry, whose only soulmate on the island was an astronaut. Nick; Terry takes an opportunity to mock 24-year-olds. Austin. Sally. Bruce. The trio are getting a little emotional over these people they haven't seen in 12 hours. Courtney - no one can find the words. Shane - Aras says he will always have a place for Shane in his heart, and will for the rest of his life have a yardstick to say that someone might be crazy, but not as crazy as Shane. And Cirie. America's sweetheart.

They collect the torches of all the dearly departed, then have a bonfire at the skull on Exile Island. It's sort of like the Burning Man, but there are only three stinky, mentally unbalanced people.

Nobody really wants to spend the afternoon talking, so they wait it out for the Immunity Challenge. Everyone's psyched for the final Terry-Aras showdown, so of course the challenge is based on balance and patience. They have to stand for 15 minutes on a series of smaller and smaller platforms and not fall into the pool. Danielle, perfectly equipped for balance and flotation, gets off to a good start. On the third platform, Terry can never really get his feet under him, and goes down. Aras is struggling mightily. He looks to Danielle, who nods - either a nod of encouragement, or a simple hi, but probably not with the subtext that Aras reads into it - and he falls off too. Danielle wins the last, and her first, challenge.

So now she's got a decision to make: in her words, "one of" the toughest decisions she's ever had to make. One wonders what the others were, and if they involved how many buttons to leave unbuttoned. The boys go to work on her. She says she's indecisive because she's a Gemini. This is two hours long?!?

Terry thinks he should go to the Finals with Danielle because they had the alliance in the Final Four. Aras thinks he should go to the Finals with Danielle because she nodded at him just before he fell into the pool. They go to Tribal Council. Now that it's too late to help anyone, Terry reveals that he's had the Immunity Idol all along. Cut to more reaction shots of jurors, who look like Steve Martin and Martin Short in Three Amigos when Chevy Chase empties his completely full waterskin. Thanks for nothin', Terry; this will certainly be a feather in your cap if you make it in front of the jury.

Which he doesn't. Danielle sends Terry off into the wild blue yonder. The curse of the free car strikes again.

Aras and Danielle spend their last day on Hellhole Beach. Breakfast is served, with champagne. They go for a long walk along the beach, and Aras slips on a rock and cuts himself in several places. Danielle looks a little giddy, like she might win a million bucks thanks to the two greatest words in the English language (DE! FAULT!), but the Survivor M*A*S*H Unit shows up, applies some stitches, and Aras is healed. Danielle openly hopes they give him some mind-altering drugs, so he'll go all Jim Morrison on the jury and they'll reject him. I don't think she's reading the jury all that well.

The two face the jury and make personal statements, both of which boil down to "I played the game the best I knew how, and I feel confident with my integrity and honor." Now the Jury of the Damned gets to make statements and ask Danielle and Aras questions to make their final verdict.

Sally asks, who of the other Survivors helped you the most along the way? Both answer Cirie, which is possibly true, but certainly good politics, since nobody dislikes Cirie.

Bruce calls D&A "samurai warriors". If Japan just had an earthquake, it's due to countless actual samurai warriors turning over in their graves. He then asks what they would do with the responsibility of $1,000,000. Aras says he'd move out of his parents' basement and make himself a better person. Danielle wants to go around the country inspiring children. Presumably not just 14-year-old boys.

Terry says he doesn't think Danielle has honor or integrity, then asks them to rate themselves 1-10 on how well they performed in the challenges. Despite the fact that "Second Place" is now referred to as simply "Aras" in many parts of the realm, he gives himself a 9. Danielle says 8.5, since she fell for the cheeseburger gambit way back when.

Austin asks them to cite an example of a strategy they're proud of, and one they're not. Danielle's glad she picked Bruce over Bobby, and not so proud (inexplicably) of voting Courtney off. Aras is proud he was upfront with Melinda about her imminent demise (thus completely spoiling one of the six days she spent out there), and not so proud (inexplicably) about stabbing Shane in the back.

Courtney says she's dropped her guns in the sea of forgiveness, and even though both of them stabbed her in the back, she's a bird, and she's still gotta fly. I wish I had made ANY of that up. No dice. She asks the two what they've learned about themselves. Aras said he had his ego smashed; Danielle learned that she's tougher than she thought. Courtney eventually shuts up.

Cirie, showing why she should have won the whole damn thing, asks each of them for a compelling reason why she should vote for the other. Danielle says Aras is strong and honorable. Aras says Danielle was really sweet and helpful when he maimed himself that morning.

And finally, Shane. Who better to get the last word? He tells Danielle she was useless at camp and constantly contradicting herself. He tells Aras that he's a freeloader who broke the sacred vow he made on Shane's son. He says everyone had good intentions, but "if I'm judged on my intentions, I'm President of the planet." Go take a walk around the block and thank your lucky stars that Shane is not President of the planet. He says he wishes he could vote for Terry, since Terry deserves it more than either of these kids.

Then his question is one of those BS, I-don't-care pick-a-number things. Attaboy Shane. He sits down, Courtney grabs his shoulder, he visibly recoils. That, right there, made the whole thing worth it.

Jeff gets the urn, walks from Panama to Manhattan (I guess it could just be clever editing), and awards the million bucks to....

Aras. Congratulations. I guess.