BunkoSquad

Plot Summary: The Simpsons are getting ready for Christmas. Bart and Lisa are in the school pageant, Marge is writing the letter for the Christmas card, Homer is trying to hang up the lights (which are awful compared to Flanders' display). Bart wants a tattoo for Christmas, Lisa wants a pony; no dice, but at least they have money this year.

Except that Mr. Burns announces that there won't be any Christmas bonuses this year, and all the money Marge saved up has to go to buying a laser tattoo-removal for Bart (he thought it would impress Marge, but only got as far as "MOTH".)

Homer doesn't want to ruin the holiday by admitting they're broke, so he steals a Christmas tree, shops at the dollar store, and takes a job as a mall Santa. Bart finds him there, and when his paycheck comes to $13, Homer lets Barney convince him to go to the dog track and bet it on a sure thing.

Instead, there's a dog named Santa's Little Helper in the race, going off at 99-1. Bart thinks this is a sign, so Homer puts his entire $13 on the dog, who finishes dead last. As they're scouring the parking lot for winning tickets, the owner of Santa's Little Helper chases him away, right to Homer and Bart. They take him home, and the family falls in love with him instantly.

Flow: Pretty straightforward, of course, since it's the first episode, and they had to spend some time setting up the characters. You get Homer desperate pretty quick, some mischief by Bart, and a last-second resolution that makes all the problems go away. No real subplot, but that happens in first episodes. 7/10.

Pop Culture: Bart makes a pretty good Smurfs reference, but that's about it. Again, forgivable in the first episode. 2/10.

Quotability: Still getting the characters down, so again, not a lot. 3/10. Best lines, both by Bart:

• If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's gonna happen to us.
• (when they bring home Santa's Little Helper) If he runs away, he'll be easy to catch!

Also, the scene where Lisa is poking Bart's bandage, and he keeps saying, "Ow! Quit it" is a quick classic.

Balance/Depth: Mostly Homer and Bart, which is OK. A few secondary characters are introduced, but the story stays pretty focused. 6/10.

Intangibles: I'm grading this on a huge curve, since it's the first episode ever, and it was obviously good enough to convince Fox to keep it on. 10/10.

Final Score: 28/50.