BunkoSquad

(Side note: next time, we need a Polish tribe, a Jewish tribe, an Indian tribe and a New Jersey tribe. I don't ask this; I demand it.)

Let's run down the first impressions:

Latino Tribe
Billy, the portly metalhead who opines that his people are best at floating from place to place
Cecila, who's in the early lead for "Most Likely To Pop Her Top"
Ozzy, who has a mop top
J.P., who is apparently a volleyball pro
and Cristina, who barely appeared in this episode.

Asian Tribe
Yul, who has a thing on his nose
Brad, who gets a thing on his nose (more on this later)
Jenny, who hasn't done much yet
Cao Boi (pronounced "Cowboy"), the Vietnamese hippie
and Becky, who was quiet, but I'm rooting for to win the whole thing for $ome $ecret rea$on.

Whitey
Jonathan, a fairly pompous writer/actor
Parvati, the sorority girl
Adam, the heartthrob
Candice, who didn't do much and
Jessica, proving that every season of Survivor needs a loopy performance artist with funky hair who pisses everyone off right away.

(Side note: I may have mixed up a couple of Survivors on Team Whitey. They all kind of look alike.)

African-American Tribe
Rebecca, who is out to prove that black people can swim
Nate, the dreadlocked waiter
Sundra, who keeps pretty quiet
Stephannie, who keeps even quieter
and Sekou, who (I kid you not) says "I have a dream" that his tribe will win.

The first fifteen minutes are standard Survivor. Twenty people, not one of whom spent a minute practicing making fire without a lighter. Arguments over how to build a tent. Chickens, which were salvaged from the boat (along with bananas - luau!), carried on a raft by the Asian team, and swiped by Jonathan from Team Whitey. Really off to a good start.

It's probably too early to make assumptions about Jessica, but she's a professional "roller girl" (Did anyone else start getting Melanie's "Brand New Key" running through their head?) who says she's her team's "alternative option", and then lifts the box to peek at the chickens, so they run away. On the other hand, maybe it's not too early.

We don't spend a lot of time with the Latino tribe, so it's pretty safe to assume none of them are going away the first night. Meanwhile at Camp Asian, Brad wakes up with a headache, and so wisely consults the wacky hippie guy who calls himself Cowboy. Cao Boi (for that is how it is spelled) does some freaky hippie thing where he yanks the hell out of Brad's nose; Brad's headache goes away, but now he has an unsightly red dot between his eyes. The Asian girls giggle at him.

At Camp Whitey, Jonathan's perturbed that Jessica has released the chickens that he so rightfully acquired. But they have bigger problems; a chilly night is setting in (there goes every mental image I had of the South Seas) and the three girls are fighting over who gets to snuggle with Adam. Candice is the early favorite in that derby, by the way.

And at Camp African-Americaney, things are getting a little tense. Sekou has plenty of ideas about how to set the camp up. But ideas are pretty much all he has, except for regularly scheduled break times. Actually, his breaks seem to go on a lot longer than his actual bursts of activity. The others are grumbling a little, and if you believe in Survivor foreshadowing, things don't look good here.

There was a commercial break before the Immunity Challenge, and I don't normally comment on commercials, but it's not like I was going to flip to the Sox game. I ain't that masochistic. But I'm also not masochistic enough to think that the commercial I saw was a good idea: a new pill for women that will shorten your period to three days, but side effects may include stroke, blood clots, and heart attacks. Remind me to send a thank-you note to each and every one of my Y chromosomes.

Immunity Challenge! Puzzle, boat, puzzle, climb, fire. (These things are getting too convoluted to really summarize.) The first three teams to finish get immunity and fire; the last gets Tribal Council. There's also a hidden wrinkle, which Jeff waves around, but it's securely protected by a sticker until the challenge is over. The Asians finish first, then the Latinos, then the Caucasians. Uh oh; trouble in the Cook Island hood.

Jeff and a team of experts get to work cracking open the sticker and reveal that the African-Americans get to send someone to Exile Island (as surprises go, this is right up there with the Christmas present that's wrapped up to resemble a football). In a remarkable show of minority solidarity, Nate and Sekou say that since Jonathan stole chickens from the Asians, he gets to spend some time alone. We don't see a reaction shot from Adam, which is too bad, because the female-male ratio at Camp Whitey just shot into the stratosphere. I just hope none of the gals are suffering from stroke, blood clots, or heart attacks.

Jonathan stews on Exile Island; he gets a clue to where the Immunity Idol is hidden, but it doesn't look like he finds it. Terry from last season probably already swooped in and dug it up.

Now the pre-Tribal Council scheming is underway. Nate and Sekou think that, since it's 3 sisters to 2 brothers, they're endangered species. Stephannie is their only nut to crack, since Sundra and Rebecca are already pretty tight. They try. Sekou says, "Are you going to be able to make a fire without me?" Stephannie shrewdly responds, "We don't have fire yet." Heh heh.

At Tribal Council (held on the pirate ship from The Goonies), Jeff asks how things are going uptown. They say they're all pretty friendly. Jeff asks Rebecca what her voting rationale will be. With a straight face, Rebecca says they're going to vote off their weakest member. They vote. 2 votes for Sundra, 3 votes for Sekou. He gets to take one hell of a long break now.