BunkoSquad

We come back to Aitu (henceforth referred to as the Superfriends, assuming I remember). Treemail arrives, and it's homework! They have to learn all of the nautical flags, and the Superfriends - who are strong and smart - immediately have a cram session. Ozzie makes particular note of how to signal the letters "F" and "U" for when they all get back together again.

They gather at the beach, and Yul is bummed to find out that Brad got kicked off. How can he forget the mutiny, when there is always something there to remind him? He will never be free; Jonathan will always be a part of....he.

The challenge involves a compass, some digging, some chests, and a puzzle. Raro starts screwing up right away. Aitu's method is to go where the clues tell them and dig until they find the chest. Raro's method, admittedly unorthodox, is to have Jon and Jenny flail around in the sand while Adam and Candice yell at them to hurry up. Phase two is having Adam and Candice flail around in the sand while Jon and Jenny yell at them to hurry up. Now that's a plan. Nate sits on the sidelines, like a guy watching his car getting towed.

The Superfriends steamroll to victory. Ozzie literally kicks up his heels in excitement, since the reward is a plane ride to another island for a lavish South Seas feast and celebration. Candice's reward is that Exile Island may soon be named after her. Everybody's where they belong.

Back from commercial (and seriously, only in America can a commercial combine Eastern meditation and American Express class warfare and not laugh itself into a coma) and on Candice Island, the guest of honor is close to the brink. She's cold, she's lonely, there's a dull ache that Adam's too far away to kiss, and she's having trouble processing the fact that "four people I like [but not so much that I wouldn't sell them up the river first chance I got] want to see me suffer". A traitor is never beloved, sweetie. She sniffles back some tears and eats a hideous-looking sea cucumber.

The Superfriends (Ozzie is Aquaman, Yul's Batman...the rest may come to me) arrive on a populated island, where CBS money has convinced the islanders to put away their TVs and video games for a night and don ceremonial palm fronds and other native garb. We learn that the traditional Cook Island welcome and greeting looks suspiciously like a call to massacre. The Aitus sit on litters and are carried into the picnic area. The whole thing looks a little...well, a little Ewok Village, truth be told.

They eat, they watch a warrior ceremony, they watch two robust island woman tackle Yul and get him to dance. The Batdance. Ozzie thinks it's awesome that Yul, so brainy and shy, has come out of his shell. I've gone beyond wanting Aitu to win challenges; I want them to be on the Supreme Court.

Raro, minus Candice, is fraying. Jonathan continues doing yeoman's work, and muttering that the kids could learn a thing or two from him about work ethic. He'll lead by example, he says. Now that is an absolutely ironclad and backfire-proof plan, my friend. Don't hold your breath.

Treemail, and more homework! Today's category is geography, as the tribes have to learn where various Pacific archipelagos (there's a word I don't get to use nearly enough) are located. Out of nowhere, Jenny starts bitching and moaning that it's time Rebecca started pulling her weight at challenges. Now I want you to go back through the archives, and count the number of times I said "Jenny gets Raro out to a huge lead" or "Wow, Jenny's really doing well in this challenge". When you're back, please note that Nate turned his wrath on Brad last week, and now Jenny's all up in Rebecca's thing. Whitey somehow is above reproach.

Immunity challenge! Candice ought to have scurvy by now, but she puts on a good face before the challenge, which involves swimming and a puzzle. First leg is Ozzy vs. Nate, and it's not too hard to figure out which of them gets a big lead. Nate flounders in the water for a minute. Geez, if only Brad were here for this challenge. Leg 2, Yul vs. Jonathan, Aitu's lead holds steady. Parvati makes up some ground - Becky, for all her plu$$e$, is not a strong swimmer - but Rebecca can't make up any more, and Aitu wins.

Now what I forgot to mention is that Jeff sprung a surprise, in the form of a sealed little mystery bottle. Whoever loses the challenge, he says, takes the sealed little mystery bottle back to camp, but is forbidden to open it. Then they take the sealed little mystery bottle to Tribal Council, where it will be unsealed after the vote. Jeff looks particularly pleased as he hands the s.l.m.b. to Raro. Maybe he's sending out an S.O.S. to the world.

While they fret about the s.l.m.b. (merge? bad news?), Raro circles the wagons and points all the guns at Rebecca. Jenny takes a few more ill-deserved shots at her for being bad at challenges. Adam interviews that he's breaking up the alliance because he can't vote Candice out. What a putz. Nate interviews that he's still thinking about kicking out Jonathan, because he doesn't want to take Jon's side over **coughBradcough** his old tribe family. The sad part is, he honestly sounds like he thinks he's sincere. Jon feels like his quiet **coughbullshitcough** example has made him an indispensable member of the tribe.

Tribal Council! Brad comes out as the first jury member, looking sharp. Jeff starts asking questions; Rebecca's midanswer when Quiet Leader Jonathan butts in and starts talking about all the fish he's caught. He's doing lots of work, and attention must be paid. Adam says he's ruthlessly going after the person who's underperforming at challenges (not that Adam used words that big); Jenny helpfully reminds everyone that Rebecca's the person Adam means.

They vote; Rebecca's a unanimous choice. Unfortunately, she exits stage left instead of immediately joining the jury. Jeff, looking malicious and gleeful, says it's time to open the sealed little mystery bottle. Raro admits that they think the note inside is about a merge. Parvati cracks the seal, and - WHOA - they get to immediately vote off another member! No politics, no caucusing, just gut reaction. Jon looks terrified, but Jenny gets the boot. I'd have loved to see the look on Rebecca's face when she gets to the Kicked-Off Compound, then sees Jenny trudge in five minutes later.

Jeff's Words of Wisdom: the tribes are 5/4 now, and maybe this is a wake-up call. I can't help but think Jeff must have had two sealed little mystery bottles. If, say, Ozzie had broken his leg and Aitu came to tribal council, I can't imagine they'd make two of them leave, after setting up the ultimate battle of good-vs-evil. But who knows what evil lurks in the heart of Probst. Jenny's mad; her parting words are that she wishes she'd known about the doubleheader so she could have a chance to set someone else up.

Next week: Jonathan's mad at the lazy kids! Yul spills the beans about his Immunity Idol! Adam and Candice get to second base!