BunkoSquad

Not just a boxer - a Foxy Boxer. As Television Without Pity describes it, boxing of the "'I throw a punch and -- oops, I lost my top!' variety". You think Mike Tyson was misunderstood.

Actually, Parvati's pretty easy to understand, as we begin day thirtywhatever on Survivor Island. She and Adam survived the ouster of Jonathan, and they're talking strategy. "We need to get one of the four Aitus to join us." It's breathtaking in its simplicity.

Treemail! Yul brings back a bad poem and a bucket of mud, which leads everyone to guess that the Reward Challenge involves...well, mud. "Naked mud wrestling", suggests Yul, which probably gives Parvati an experiential advantage over, say, Becky.

It's not quite naked mud wrestling. It's "cover yourself with as much nasty-ass mud as possible and squirt it into a bucket", which I believe is the state sport of Arkansas. You're not allowed to carry mud in your hands or arms, so the Survivors improvise, carrying it in their hair (Ozzie), back (Yul), cleavage (take a guess), or not really anywhere (Sundra). Ozzie, adding "yak" to his Manimal resume, blows the field away by transporting 45 pounds of mud in ten minutes. He can't be beaten.

So Ozzie wins, and the two runners-up (Parvati and Yul) get to join him for a spa weekend. Ozzie also gets to send someone to Candice Island; he picks Adam, of course. "Sorry, bro," he says. The spa-bound three do a group hug; covered in mud, they all kind of look like Oscar statues.

Becky and Sundra, still covered in mud, trudge back to camp just ahead of a torrential downpour. You'd think they would stay out and wash some off, but they huddle in the tent. The Becky-shaped mudball tells the Sundra-shaped mudball that she's getting really scared of Ozzie, because he wins almost every challenge and is currently singlehandedly leading the NBA's Atlantic Division. She starts to muddily speculate it might be time to shave him off the Alliance. Sundra, I think, tries to respond, but only mud comes out.

Ozzie, Yul, and Parvati will get hosed down when they get to the spa, so they're flying in a plane, crusting in mud, sitting on plastic seat covers. Think about that the next time you bitch about the accomodations on Southwest. They shower (not together, but don't go anywhere), get massages (not that kind, but seriously, hang on), and pig out on food and booze. Things are leading up to...

Adam on Exile Island. Damn. You know when someone's really clever and sharp, sometimes you say "No flies on him!" Well, Adam literally has flies on him at Exile Island. That's all I'll say about that.

Back at Rancho Relaxo, the massage, the food, the fluffy robes, and the liquor have all combined to melt the cares away. And away with the cares goes Parvati's bathrobe. To the hot tub! Three nude Survivors lounge around, and Parvati says being there with two boys makes her so excited she pees her pants - "except I'm not wearing any pants!" Read the sign (left), tootsie.

Meanwhile [insert clumsy segue here - ed.], Yul is pissed [awesome! - ed.] that Parvati's so blatantly flirting with Ozzie. He's worried about him going over to the dark side. Probably at the exact same second that Becky's wondering the same thing. Not that these two have a bond. Yul's trying to figure out how to get Ozzie to keep his eyes on the prize.

Finally, the three come back to camp. Becky says she missed Yul (O RLY?), and the two of them get together and verbalize their unspoken common uncertainty about Ozzie. Yul agrees, but also says that he's underestimated Parvati; she's working Ozzie hard, and in the immortal words of Bell Biv Devoe, that girl is poison. Never trust a big butt and a smile, Oz.

The Reward Challenge is a balance beam walk followed by assembling and manipulating a giant simple Labyrinth board. Would it spoil the suspense to say that Ozzie wins in a landslide? No? OK.

So now, common sense dictates that either Adam or Parvati has minutes left to live. Adam, to his credit, goes to see Don Yul and lays it on the line. "I know it's either her or me; I'd like to nominate her." No subterfuge there. Parvati says she knows she's in trouble because she's a threat, but Adam's kind of a threat, too. I'm not sure if this strategy is remarkably clever or incredibly stupid, but I sure have my suspicion.

Ozzie's lounging in the tent with the two worried ex-Raros. Adam gently and subtly asks if there's any way he'll switch. Ozzie says he'll do whatever it takes to win. Adam chooses to interpret that as a maybe. Yul, Becky, and Sundra start to fret that the stupid-sell actually might be working, so Yul goes in the tent and basically reminds Ozzie not to be stupid.

Now, because there's been so little stupid pointless controversy this season, Yul wonders if he should bring Jonathan's hat to Tribal Council, since Jon asked for it back on his way out. They get there, Jon picks up his hat -- which he DID NOT KNOW Yul brought. Jeff immediately makes a thing out of it, asking if Yul's starting to try to butter up the jury, particularly Jonathan, who was so innocently and cruelly stabbed in the back before he got to stab Yul in the back. Yul's all like, don't make this a thing, Jeff. But then some of the other Survivors start making it a thing, accusing Yul of playing to the jury. Yul probably feels like the guest of honor at the wrong roast. The Jury giggles. I think if you're going to play to this Jury, you'd do well to bring your best Senor Wences impression; it's that level of intellectual discourse.

The only suspense is 1% whether Ozzie will flip, and 99% whether it's Adam or Parvati going. The first vote (which is, of course, the one we saw already) is for Sundra. The second is for Parvati, and that's the ballgame. Looks like she'll be doing her Foxy Boxing from now on up in the Statesville Prison.

Boring Words of Wisdom, boring Parvati final shot. Still, a man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the rest. Lie-la-lie, lie-la-lie-lie-lie-lie-lie, la-la-la-la-lie.

Next: It's Over!