« In Which Gov. Patrick and I Disagree Publicly for the First Time | Main | Today on Lansdowne Street »
January 31, 2007
My Fan Fiction Salute to Today's Events
INT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
(Frylock is reading the newspaper with a look of alarm on his face)
FRYLOCK: Those crazy Mooninites have struck again!
MEATWAD: Damn, this gonna mean trouble for me.
(Frylock waves the newspaper)
FRYLOCK: They've shut down the entire city of Boston. Traffic's at a standstill, the National Guard has been called out...they've even nuked Revere as a precautionary measure!
MASTER SHAKE (doesn't look up from TV): Does this affect me? No. Do I care? No. Am I going to spend ONE second thinking about it after I finish this sentence?
FRYLOCK: We have to stop them!
MASTER SHAKE: Stop who?
EXT - SOUTHEAST EXPRESSWAY - DAY
(The Aqua Teens are in the car, stuck in traffic. Carl is driving)
FRYLOCK: Dammit! I never should have let you talk me into stopping at Foxwoods.
MASTER SHAKE: What can I say? Sometimes the feeling comes over me, baby! Trust the feeling!
CARL: What, there, the feeling to split threes when the dealer's got a king showing? 'Cuz that there's the kinda feeling you want to...y'know...ignore...
FRYLOCK: And now we're stuck in traffic.
MEATWAD: Maybe we should have taken Boston's efficient public transit system.
(silence)
MEATWAD: I hear they got a Silver Line now. With a classy name like that, it gots to be good.
EXT - LONGFELLOW BRIDGE - EVENING
(Traffic is in complete gridlock. Horns honking, some people have abandoned cars. Ignignokt and Err are dancing on the northbound lanes)
IGNIGNOKT: Do you see what we've done, Err? Just by showing our faces, we have shut this major metropolitan area into an absolute standtill.
ERR: Major metropolitan area my ass! YEAH!
IGNIGNOKT: We have conquered Foreigner, we have disintegrated Loverboy, and now our sights are set on Boston. Take that, holdouts of 70s album-oriented rock!
ERR: I got More Than A Feeling that you're goin' down bizzitch!
FRYLOCK (offscreen): Not so fast!
(The Aqua Teens come into the picture. Shake has a big Red Sox #1 foam finger and Meatwad is eating a pizza)
MEATWAD: We'd'a been here sooner but we saw one o'them Duck Tour boats. I thought our number was up when he drove into the river, but DAMN if that thing didn't float somehow.
FRYLOCK: You can't stay here. The people of this city deserve a calm and orderly commute.
IGNIGNOKT: Would you say they deserve...Peace of Mind?
FRYLOCK: Well, yeah, I --
(A huge flash of light. Suddenly there's shouting and commotion from all sides)
IGNIGNOKT: Well, there you have it. People living in competition.
FRYLOCK: You don't get another warning.
(Frylock shoots a laser beam, which Ignignokt dodges. An explosion is heard offscreen)
ERR: Way to go LOSER! You just made the Big Dig tunnel collapse!
FRYLOCK (puzzled): But I didn't even shoot in that direction.
SHAKE: Look, can we wrap this up? And soon? I'd like to go over to Hah-vahd, and **** up some smaht kids.
MEATWAD: I want to stay! I met some lady who works for Mayor Menino and she says maybe what I could give Mayor Menino some speak lessons.
FRYLOCK: No! This ends now!
IGNIGNOKT: It matter not. We're off to dance in the streets of Hyannis. Everybody's waiting. Gettin' ready. Anticipating.
ERR: But Boston ain't gonna forget us soon!
IGNIGNOKT: Yes, we won't soon be forgotten.
ERR: So long baby!
(Ignignokt and Err vanish off screen)
FRYLOCK: Oh, man, it's going to take weeks for everyone to get home now.
MEATWAD: Because of those mean moon men? I hate them.
FRYLOCK: No. Because it's Friday rush hour.
FIN
Filed Under: Boston, Made Up Stuff, Miscellany, Pop Vulture | Permanent Link, Comments (5) | Linking Blogs
Comments
"that's a pretty choice exchange" - the Rev.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" - the Bean
Posted by: bean | January 31, 2007 10:36 PM
I now know why bunkosquad was the first place I checked when this story broke. God bless you bunko, god bless you.
Posted by: V-bunny | February 1, 2007 09:15 AM
Aw shucks, thanks.
Posted by: michael | February 1, 2007 01:20 PM
is it wrong that somewhere in there i wanted there to be the line:
"you have three lanes of traffic. how quaint."
because you know, the mooninite have 5. thousand.
oh, man, this whole thing be stupid. (the situation, not your fanfic. that, my friend, rocks.)
Posted by: kari | February 1, 2007 02:12 PM
Holy crap that was awesome. Thanks for putting it in perspective.
Never forget: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lunarbull/376236399/in/photostream/
Posted by: Ed | February 3, 2007 11:24 AM
