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January 03, 2007

Pat Robertson's 2007 Forecast

Pat Robertson, who is what you'd get if you gave that crazy mumbling homeless guy a new suit, a TV empire, and the occasional ear of the President, has some grim predictions for 2007:

VIRGINIA BEACH, Virginia (AP) -- Evangelical broadcaster Pat Robertson said Tuesday that God has told him that a terrorist attack on the United States would cause a "mass killing" late in 2007.

"I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear," he said during his news-and-talk television show The 700 Club on the Christian Broadcasting Network.

"The Lord didn't say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that."

First of all, I'm sure the Lord said "nuke-ya-lur". And how late in 2007? I wish the Lord would provide some details before the NFL schedule is released, so they can make sure no game is scheduled in the doomed city.

God also said, he claims, that major cities and possibly millions of people will be affected by the attack, which should take place sometime after September.

Well, if it's only major cities that will be affected, that probably just means either blue states or liberal enclaves like Austin or Boulder. Surely if it were Spartanburg on the chopping block, he'd give folks enough notice to get their belongings out of town.

And does he mean millions of people will be killed in the attacks, or just "affected"? Does that count the citizens of Jericho, Kansas, who will be safe from the bombs themselves but turn on one another in a cavalcade of mistrust and self-interest?

Robertson suggested in January 2006 that God punished then-Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon with a stroke for ceding Israeli-controlled land to the Palestinians.

Of course, an old-fashioned bolt of lightning would have been quicker and more persuasive than a common medical problem.

In 2005, Robertson predicted that Bush would have victory after victory in his second term.

He also said the Detroit Lions would go 10-6, that Britney Spears would "clean up her act" in 2006, and that he himself would be named Time Magazine's Person of the Year. Well, one out of three.

"I have a relatively good track record," he said. "Sometimes I miss."

Remember when Pat said that a hurricane would smite Orlando, because Disney World didn't forbid Gay Days, and then the hurricane veered north and hit Virginia Beach, where Pat's headquartered? That still may be the greatest event in the history of mankind.

In May, Robertson said God told him that storms and possibly a tsunami were to crash into America's coastline in 2006.

Even though the U.S. was not hit with a tsunami, Robertson on Tuesday cited last spring's heavy rains and flooding in New England as partly fulfilling the prediction.

Which is almost as bad as the Indonesian tsunami, if you use the media's handy formula (2,000 foreigners dead = 1 local family inconvenienced). And, to be fair, his prediction of the Lions going 10-6 was 30% accurate.

Just the same, if Pat Robertson says woe is about to befall a US city this fall, I think that means that this fall is a good time to plan a trip to a major US city.

(Photo 'cuz you can never get enough Criswell)
UPDATE: Now Robertson's ravings make more sense.

Filed Under: Miscellany | Permanent Link, Comments (7)   | Linking Blogs

Comments

Posted by: Sooz | January 3, 2007 12:40 PM

Posted by: Soonerthought | January 3, 2007 02:28 PM

Posted by: pony | January 4, 2007 11:50 AM

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Posted by: Traci | January 6, 2007 05:08 AM

Posted by: Robert Mayer | January 9, 2007 11:58 PM

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