BunkoSquad

Earl takes Anthony on a character-building hike to the top of the mountain, where they take in the majestic view and Anthony realizes that even if he's hungry and miserable, and his self-esteem has taken a repeated beating at the hands of simpleton Rocky, that at least he got a nice majestic view out of the deal.

Yau Man's exploration for the Idol goes about as well as my quest for a date in middle school. The less said the better. (Though if you're over 18 and email me, I'll send you the joke I was tempted to use here)

Treemail! The tribes receive a catalog of what they can play for at the Reward Challenge. The landed gentry at Moto go through it like it's the Robb Report, finally settling on the flatscreen TV and the 24-hour valet. Ravu thinks some potatoes would be nice, then eats the catalog.

Earl says, "They [Moto] are the Fresh Prince of Bel Air; we [Ravu] are Good Times." It actually looks more like Sanford and Son to me, but I'll defer to Earl's judgement where African-American sitcoms are concerned.

Reward Challenge! Moto's playing for toilet paper and a coffee set; Ravu wants potatoes and fishing gear. The winner takes all, so Moto can probably supplement its income by renting out some of their superfluous fishing gear to the natives. 'S'good ta be the king.

The challenge is a series of one-on-one giant pillow fights with the loser being knocked into the mud. Rocky and Dreamz start trash-talking, and then take their contretemps into the ring. I dare hope for a second that the scrappy Ravus will turn their lean and hungry fire into a victory. It's come to the point where Moto is so irritating and smug that I'm actually rooting for Rocky.

Nope. It's a freaking massacre. Jeff almost has to invoke the mercy rule, as the fat-n-happy Motos win 7-1, with the one Ravu triumph being Yau Man against flimsy little Stacey. If it's any consolation, Ravu, there might be some nutrients in that mud you'll have to lick off yourselves. Earl goes off to Exile Island.

Moto's back at home, basking in their undeserved wonderfulness. But no idle rich they; there's coffee to make. And here's where I completely lost it; Stacey and Lisi give Dreamz crap because he doesn't know how to make coffee with the French press they won. I know how to use a French press, but I worked at Starbucks for two years. Dreamz was HOMELESS. When you're homeless, you don't always pick up on some of the little tricks that yuppies use to convince themselves they're getting the authentic unfiltered taste of Sulawesi (again, I can say that; I worked at Starbucks, and Sulawesi is the best).

Lisi and Stacey are so annoying and patronizing, in fact, that even the frat boys at Moto notice and are alarmed. Now THAT is annoying and patronizing. I don't know if the producers purposefully made Stacey and Lisi look like the Heathers or what, but I'm praying for Christian Slater to stroll into Moto with a bomb strapped to him.

Stacey and Lisi, blissfully unaware of how....inhuman is the only word...they're being, are just sittin' there enjoyin' their coffee.

Earl's Idol clue is "Still right under the cave, dummy". He correctly points out that if they don't have a shovel, that doesn't help.

Ravu is having its 45th straight post-loss rally session. Actually, Rita and Michelle are yapping away about lip gloss and other banalities. Rocky says he wants to take a shirt and hang himself. He's so perturtbed, in fact, that he seeks out the company of Anthony without kicking sand on him.

Back at Moto, Alex is trying to explain to Lisi and Stacey, in one- and two-syllable words, that they're being stupid by excluding Dreamz and Cassandra from their reindeer games. He doesn't try to appeal to their sense of decency (he's smarter than that), but tries to make them see that after the merge, Dreamz and Cassandra will flip and stab them in the back. Edgardo groks him, but I don't think it's sinking in with the Heathers. So Alex makes a team speech trying to bring them all back together. And it's a sad day when the Harvard Law student is the one injecting a note of decency and humanity.

Dreamz, unfazed by the ostracizm, zayz he'z engaged in a genozide against Ravu. Is it too late to hope for a localized tzunami?

The Immunity Challenge is a big game of Memory. The underfed and fuzzy Ravus falter early. Lisi screws up her turn (and almost plants her face into the dirt while hopping off the bench, like how sweet would that have been). But Rocky screws up last, and Moto wins again. %$#&.

Ravu comes back to camp, defeated and dejected (I just copy and paste that sentence now.) Rocky offers a mea culpa for blowing the challenge, but everyone else agrees that it's hard to think straight when everyone is yelling out instructions at you. Somewhere, Erika is nodding grimly. Anthony seems to think he's off the chopping block, but there's still some conspiring in his direction. Rocky starts going around telling everyone that Rita's talking too much and should go next. Who died and left Rocky kingmaker? Oh, that's right - everyone who allied with Rocky in the past.

At Tribal Council, the area seems to be decorated with actual skeletons. Maybe Erika wasn't nodding at that last scene. Rita tells Jeff that she keeps morale up by telling interesting stories, causing Rocky to nearly projectile vomit. When asked if he trusts his tribemates, Yau Man says his philosophy is "love many; trust few". Never would have thought Yau Man sees life the same way as Hugh Hefner.

They vote, and Rocky's "The Person I Hate The Most At This Particular Moment is Rita" campaign pays off. Looks like she'll be talking about lip gloss up in the Statesville Prison from now on. Jeff tells Ravu he admires that the tribe is showing a little bit of a will to win, like he expected no one would show up for Tribal after a Jonestownian suicide pact.

Next week: Major shakeup! I can only hope it involves Lisi, Stacey, rope, and fire ants.