BunkoSquad

Meanwhile, I'm a little confused by the dynamics of Ravu-II. Edgardo, Mookie and Alex seem allied pretty well - they are digging for the Idol together, after all - but they sort of seem like they consider Lisi a trusted member of the alliance, and sort of seem like they think Dreamz fits their fratboy posse a little better. Which, if you're keeping score, means that this tribe of five has a loose five-person alliance. That may have won the game for Aitu last season, but I don't think these knuckleheads can pull it off.

They find the Idol. They agree to keep it between the three of them, and they'll use it at the exact right time with a well-thought-out consensus. I can't possibly see how this could go wrong. Mookie, alone with the camera, invokes the "Possession = 9/10 of the law" law that was established in Finders v. Keepers (1964).

Lisi, the defective detective, wakes up to see Mookie smoothing out the ground where he'd been digging. "You diggin' for the Idol?" asks Lisi, who clearly wasn't just forcibly and bodily ejected from the turnip truck. "Uhhhhh....yyyyeah...." replies Mookie, who then gets to listen to Lisi talk about how she's going to look for the Idol too, real soon now.

Lisi interviews that she's not going to let them slip one by her, saying - and I want you to read this next bit carefully - "you've got to wake up pretty early to fool...me". If you're just joining us, that is pretty much exactly what happened, down to the nanosecond.

Finally we switch over to Moto, where the idle rich are awakened by the arrival of some authentic native Fijians, who don't even for a second totally and completely remind me of the Molombo Tribe that Ted Striker and Elaine taught basketball and Tupperware to. Boo and Michelle greet them with a culturally-aware "¡Ola!"

The native Fijians have come to dance. Or at least teach the Survivors to dance, since the Reward Challenge will involve...well, dancing. One of the Motos will have to sit out, and Yau Man can't physically volunteer fast enough. The lessons go pretty well; Earl snickers at Boo's white man dance, which may be a little myopic on Earl's part, but then again, put a beer in Boo's hand and he'll look ready for a Phi Kap kegger, the way he's dancing.

Ravu is undergoing similar preparations. It's Lisi and four guys, and for a second, I wish Rocky was still with us, because seeing Rocky dance with four guys would lead to a magnificent Rocky soliliquy on the depths and purity of Rocky's heterosexuality. It's a shame.

Lisi interviews that she doesn't really take challenges all that seriously. I see a career as a motivational speaker in her future; at least, I can see her living in a van down by the river.

They trudge into the outdoor Fijian dance hall, adorned in war paint and palm fronds. There Jeff explains that the teams will be judged on their appearance, technique, and spirit by three Fijians. I can't help but think that the three are an accountant, a baker and a seamstress by day, rather than authentic native dance interpreters, and I can only hope that CBS is paying them in cash. BRING IT ON!!!

Moto's dance, led by Earl, is solid. Ravu's dance is OK except for Lisi, who's an utter train wreck. Dreamz even punctuates it with a backflip. Not bad. The judges confer (or maybe they're talking about Jeff's hat - they're speaking Fijian) and say that both teams were equal on appearance and spirit, but Moto wins on technique, possibly because, if you're just joining us, Lisi was a train wreck.

Moto wins a Fijian feast, and the joy of sending Lisi back to Exile Island. Which is too bad, because I think what Ravu needs to hear on their way home is Lisi telling them that she doesn't take challenges too seriously.

On Exile Island, Lisi jibber-jabbers for a while. I think they probably edited it, since it seems like the sun rises and sets twice during her speech.

Back at Moto, Earl and Michelle are having their morning breakfast meeting, which features coffee, muffins, and a little strategy discussion. They've decided they like Boo a little; Stacey, not so much. They think that she's going to glom onto Edgardo and Alex if they merge, so they should get rid of her before that happens. Michelle says that Boo's been helpful, and that she and Stacey are carbon copies of one another who "serve the same function" at Moto. Whatever that is. I realize she's right, and there's a 40% chance that I'll have to edit this paragraph and switch all the names around.

Treemail is an arrow, and a note suggesting that the Immunity Challenge might involve...an arrow. Mookie offers loads of archery tips, and Edgardo says that archery's where he's going to shine, so obviously no one on this team has heard of the word "hubris".

They arrive at Reward Challenge Beach, where Lisi dances her way in from the Exile Island Shuttle. Bet they wish they were given the arrows before she arrived, huh? Jeff explains that they'll actually be firing blow darts, spears, and then, finally arrows, at some targets. The blow-dart challenge is close, but Boo..well, blows...better than anyone else. The spear challenge is a fiasco; only Yau Man puts it anywhere near the bulls-eye. Moto's got a lead.

Moto (courtesy of Yau Man again) puts them close to winning the bow-and-arrow challenge, then Edgardo of Locksley steps up to the line. Music swells, Maid Marian fans herself, the Sheriff looks on nervously...and Edgardo's shot comes nowhere near the target. Here's where I would have played the music on The Price Is Right when someone effs up Plinko. Wrong network, sadly.

Now comes the scheming. The strategizing. The shifting of alliances. The volatile negotiations. And this week, it's all coming from (wait for it) Lisi.

First, she tells Alex she's ready to go. She's lived on Moto, she's lived on Ravu, she's lived on Exile Island. What more could a girl ask for?

Thirty seconds later, she's talking about who she's going to ally with after the merge.

Forty seconds after that, she's trying to foment an ouster of Dreamz, because he's not part of the alliance that Lisi apparently thinks she's still in.

Twelve seconds later, she interviews that she doesn't really feel like she belongs on the team, because they're all a bunch of losers. I spend the next minute and a half nearly choking on a Pringle.

One minute after that, she tells Alex she's having "second thoughts" about being ready to be voted out. Honey, I've been watching. Your "second thoughts" left the station a long time ago. My unofficial count says these are your forty-seventh thoughts. Lisi puts the "tease" in "multiple personalities".

Tribal Council! The Jury comes in in the form of Rocky, who's a sadder and wiser man. We hope. Lisi tells Jeff that for some reason, this group can not come together. Wait till the votes are counted, toots. Dreamz says he's noticed that Lisi isn't trying, that she wants to be voted off, that she told everyone she probably wants to be voted off, and he's happy to vote her off.

Lisi counters with "I never give up! You give up!"

They volley a few more times, then Dreamz sticks in the dagger. He asks Edgardo, Mookie and Alex in turn: "Do you still want to be here?" They all say yes, they do, thank you for asking. He then asks Lisi the same question. Eleven hours later, she's still on her first sentence, but hasn't answered the question.

Jeff breaks up the contretemps and tells them it's time to vote. Dreamz votes for Lisi: "I've been waiting for this a long time." Lisi votes for Dreamz: "You're a grown man! Consider a name change!" I hope Lucy Van Pelt comes along someday to teach Lisi some people skills.

And suprising zero viewers and only 11 of Lisi's personalities, she's voted out. Looks like she'll be doing her totally-insane-person act up at the Statesville prison from now on. Or maybe she'll show up at camp tomorrow as if nothing happened. God only knows. Her Two Minute Hate is to call the rest of Ravu losers again, and to point out that the kettle is black.

Next time: A big shakeup!