BunkoSquad

All Entries Related to "Boston"

June 19, 2008

"Let It Ride" - A Revere Vignette

After the parade, I decided to take a roundabout, fairly scenic route home. So I found myself on an MBTA bus in Revere, where this astounding conversation took place.

Our dramatis personae include our two main characters - let's call them Paul and Louie. You know the type. Friendly, chatty, maybe - and I mean this in the least cruel way possible - a little soft in the head. The kind of guys who will come up to you at the bus stop and make you wish you had headphones on, because they're too dopey to be interesting to talk to, and too amiable to just tell to screw off.

Our third character is a heavyset guy named Vic. Now this isn't strictly relevant to the story, but it's what caught my eye and ear in the first place. Vic had a...well, I hate to throw the word "toupee" around, especially when that word is patently inadequate to describe the marvel of architectural engineering perched atop Vic. Let's just say he could have strapped a live tabby-cat to his head and it would have been less conspicuous.

Paul and Louie, clearly, are single gentlemen, and the topic of discussion quickly turned to Paul's reluctance to try Internet dating. Louie was game for the pep talk to end all pep talks. He stressed the smallness of the fees involved, he talked up the diverse and many sites that Paul could avail himself of. Nowhere in this did Louie indicate any personal success with same, but clearly he thought this was the route for Paul to take.

Louie's patter was almost hypnotic. Every time he reached the crescendo of the point he was making, he'd say "let it ride", and go in to Paul for a fist bump/dap/terrorist hand signal. Paul always was a little slow to respond, but never once left Louie hanging.

Also, after every third sentence (I was keeping track by this point), Louie would punctuate his spiel with a, "Right, Vic?" As in, "We've all been there, right, Vic?", or "You gotta let it ride, right, Vic?!" Vic would always nod or grunt noncommitally, though I can imagine the extracranial pressure he was under would render conversation difficult.

This went on for some time, with Louie extolling the virtues of the Internet to kickstart Paul's love life. But after a few stops, Vic got off the bus, possibly to avoid having to slit his wrists, and Louie and Paul followed a couple of stops later.

So we may never know how this saga ends. But it's good to know that Louie and Paul - and maybe Vic - are out there on the prowl, just lettin' it ride for all us sinners.

Posted by Michael at 09:39 PM | Comments (6)

May 20, 2008

Congratulations, E Line Riders

The dozens of you who wouldn't stand up this morning to let the blind lady have your seat set a record that will be hard to match.

Posted by Michael at 08:39 AM | Comments (1)

May 19, 2008

It's Ice Cream Truck Time Again In Eastie

Which means I am in the market for a portable rocket launcher. I am 100% serious.

ICE CREAM TRUCK: [plays "Turkey in the Straw"]...Hello!!!!!
ME: [aims, fires] Goodbye!

Posted by Michael at 02:41 PM | Comments (4)

May 15, 2008

Reminder

If your car needs a little bit of fresh oil, they're giving it away free today.

Posted by Michael at 11:06 AM | Comments (0)

March 21, 2008

Medieval Boston

Thanks, Josh, for sending me this: Medieval Boston, a huge collection of photos showing Boston before the Expressway, before the car took over, before the West End became inconvenient, before everyone in the city took LSD and decided City Hall Plaza was a good idea, because what a quirky harbor city really needed was a joyless acre of concrete.

In some of the pictures, it's really easy to picture what's there now, and how uninspiring it is now compared to how it was. In most of them, I don't want to know.

Posted by Michael at 11:16 AM | Comments (0)

March 17, 2008

Self Torture, or: Guess Who's Bitching About the Weather Again

I know I swore I wouldn't look at the 10 day forecast for the rest of March, but it's like a machete wound that you just can't stop picking at.

I'd leave Boston today, just to move somewhere where 50 degrees is actually physically possible, if it weren't for pending playoff basketball games. If anyone has any stories about places where a human being can survive outside for more than 90 seconds without two coats on, please tell them here.

Posted by Michael at 01:39 PM | Comments (2)

February 28, 2008

Shocked, Just Shocked

Really? Deregulating the car insurance industry will lead to companies setting rates based on wealth, marital status, home ownership and race miscellaneous socioeconomic data, rather than driving records? And this will somehow benefit rich terrible drivers, and screw over good drivers who are poor?

Wow, who saw that coming?

Posted by Michael at 09:59 AM | Comments (0)

February 27, 2008

This Is(?) My City

I really wanted to feel like I lived in a foreign country for a while, so I went to vote on the "Best of Boston" Awards in the Phoenix. When they start asking for categories like "Best place for Pilates", "Best Non-Gallery Art Space", and "Best Dance Club/Night", it really makes me feel like I have no idea what's going on in the city around me. Which is fine. The day I have an opinion on "Best Man/Pedicure", feel free to put three bullets in my head.

A short BunkoSquad slate of endorsements:
Best Barbecue: Soul Fire
Greasy Spoon: Charlie's Kitchen
Italian Restaurant: Carlo's Cucina Italiana
Pizza: Pinocchio's (write-in)
Sandwich: All Star Sandwich (this is provisional, since I haven't actually made it there yet, but they have poutine on the menu (PDF file), which is good enough for me)
Books/New: Harvard Book Store
Books/Used: Harvard Book Store (write-in)
Men's/Women's Shoes: Payless (write-in)
Comedian: Eugene Mirman
Public Art: Chimes at Kendall T Station
Public Open Space: Mt. Auburn Cemetery
Blog: I wrote in Bostonist, naturally, but if you want to give Adam at Universal Hub your vote, I won't tell. Just please not Jon Keller.

What'd you all vote for?

Posted by Michael at 09:26 AM | Comments (2)

December 21, 2007

Dear Boston Globe

When it snows, it screws everything up. We know this. I'm not sure why delays at Logan during a daylong snowstorm is front page newsworthy, and yet you refuse to print the home addresses of weatherpeople who said yesterday would be a dusting to an inch ending mid-morning. Kthxbye.

Posted by Michael at 09:41 AM | Comments (1)

December 05, 2007

Glad I Went Straight Home

Always nice to wake up and find out that a neighborhood you drive through all the time blew up in the middle of the night. I can't believe nobody got injured.

Posted by Michael at 08:44 AM | Comments (4)

June 03, 2007

When Radio DJs Miss The Point

This is paraphrased.

WBOS DJ: The great thing about this city is there's so much good music happening here. Lots of great indie bands, and lots of places to see live music. Almost [sic] every night, you can go in a club and see a great young local band. Coming up next, we've got Bob Dylan, The Clash, and Fountains of Wayne.

Here's Exploit Boston! Radio: your real source for Boston music.

Posted by Michael at 01:59 PM | Comments (0)

June 01, 2007

RIP Lansdowne Street

Sooz mentioned this last night, and now it seems to be official. Patrick Lyons is going to gut all the clubs on Lansdowne and turn it into a "swanky illuminated entertainment and dining district" (emphasis and vomit mine), with one big arena and a bunch of hoity toity restaurants where they'll probably charge you 5 bucks to look at the menu.

Lyons said the larger scale of the new venue is necessary for Boston to attract top-tier music acts in an era where live performances are more important than ever for artists.

Boy, it'll be nice to bring in some top-tier music acts for a change. Just think, all those times I've gone to Avalon or one of the other clubs, it was to see pikers like Morrissey, Beck, Tori Amos, Iron and Wine, Calexico, Liz Phair, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Frank Black, The Tragically Hip, and probably more that I've forgotten. Bring on Nickelback!

Posted by Michael at 09:32 AM | Comments (5)

May 30, 2007

A Developing Situation

Award-winning sportswriter Dan Shaughnessy goes BEYOND THE HEADLINES today. Using his unmatched skill at putting two and two together, he discovers something you may not be aware of - the Red Sox are playing really well right now. That's the kind of analysis that sails right over the heads of laymen and bloggers.

Incidentally, if Fenway isn't ringing with chants of "Where's Roger? - clap clap, clapclapclap" from 7:00 Friday until 11 PM Sunday, folks ought to think about turning in their tickets.

Posted by Michael at 08:34 AM | Comments (0)

May 29, 2007

Boston Globe Now Caught In Lost's Time Paradox

So is that considered a flashback?

Posted by Michael at 01:26 PM | Comments (1)

April 18, 2007

Swear To Me

They'd better not be yanking our collective chains with this one.

Posted by Michael at 03:20 PM | Comments (2)

April 16, 2007

It Stopped Raining For A While

So I scooted down to Brookline and took some Marathon pictures.

Posted by Michael at 01:50 PM | Comments (0)

April 03, 2007

You Think I'm Kidding

I would sacrifice a lamb right now with my bare hands, if it meant I actually got to go outside into air that was 50 degrees or warmer. Any deity interested in taking me up on this offer, you know where to find me.

Posted by Michael at 12:22 AM | Comments (2)

March 23, 2007

You Provide the Content: Baseball Music

So Jon and I have decided we need to start a letter-writing campaign to make Soul Coughing's "Super Bon Bon" the official song they play at Fenway when Papelbon comes in from the bullpen.

So I'll throw this out to the panel: what's your walk-up song? What do you want to hear the PA blaring when you come up to bat or out of the 'pen?

I'll throw a few of mine out: "The Mountain Song" by Jane's Addiction; "Waiting Room" by Fugazi; "Lounge Fly" by Stone Temple Pilots (even if it was used for MTV News); or "Go" by Pearl Jam.

Your turn; maybe we can at least come up with something to help David Wright.

Posted by Michael at 10:50 AM | Comments (3)

March 15, 2007

DJ Nite Train

I finally had my first encounter with DJ Nitetrain on the B train to the Garden last night. I had my iPod on, as I do, so I didn't really notice at first. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him doing his air-turntable thing, then turned off my volume and heard that he was actually blasting a Bee Gees mix pretty loud.

The people on the train fell into three distinct categories: (1) Pissed-off commuters and readers, (2) People laughing, (2a) openly or (2b) secretly, and (3) People dancing. I started off as a 2b, but I was a 2a in no time.

And for that, I thank the 4 or 5 kids who got on at Pleasant St. and immediately started dancing. Then one of them said something like "We got to turn the lights down and make this into a club". One of the other kids said "This is the Soul Train!" Finally, when enough people were openly laughing, kid #1 turned to a girl sitting next to him and said, "Do you come here often?" Awesome awesome stuff. Sadly, he got off at Hynes and the party stopped.

But there's no cover charge if you have a monthly Charlie pass.

Posted by Michael at 11:27 AM | Comments (5)

March 13, 2007

That Word Does Not Mean What You Think It Means

It doesn't really bother me that much that Ben Affleck is making a DVD aimed at teaching babies to be Red Sox fans. Whatever keeps Sum of All Fears II out of theaters, after all.

But don't give me this:

New dad Affleck, a Boston, Massachusetts native, is a die-hard Red Sox fan.

Die-hard? That explains why we always see him in the crowd at games against the Orioles and Devil Rays.

Donnie Wahlberg...there's a diehard fan. Every year he's at the Celtics-Clippers game in LA, he often flies up to Sacramento when the C's are there, and he'll join Mike and Tommy in the booth and talk intelligently and knowledgeably about the franchise.

Affleck sits in the front row of Sox-Yankee games with his starlet du jour, and once showed up in the booth and ripped Lou Merloni.

As George Carlin (as the hippie) said when Homer Simpsons dared Chief Wiggum to smash the hippies' heads open...this man does not represent us.

Posted by Michael at 01:41 PM | Comments (0)

March 07, 2007

This Post Does Not Advocate Any Particular Good Or Service

The Mooninite Invasion of 2007 just won't go away. Now Boston's city council, who clearly needs some crafts projects to keep themselves busy, are floating the idea of "forcing all corporate marketers to obtain city licenses before they can push products".

Of course, they don't know how it will all work, or what the limitations are, but at least they got their names in the paper. What defines a "corporate" marketer? Does this mean all the flyers on all the lampposts in Allston will be regulated? Signs advocating electing a new slate of City Councilors?

Does this mean everyone whose commercial airs on television within the city limits falls under the City Council's jurisdiction? And finally - and most importantly - can we preemptively revoke the license that allows Ernie Boch Jr. ads to run in the city?

It's unlike me to take the side of marketing departments, I know. But this is so clearly a case of officials lashing out, because the law doesn't allow them to hang the two guys who scattered the Aqua Teen signs. Aren't there potholes to fill?

Posted by Michael at 08:40 AM | Comments (0)

March 02, 2007

I Just Want to Be Loved, Is That So Wrong?

BostonNOW is a new free daily paper that's intended to be distributed much like the Metro, but with a predominately local perspective. To that end, they're asking for local bloggers and writers to come to a meeting next week, so they can pitch their plan and rally some enthusiasm.

Of course, not everyone loves this. The Universal Hub and Media Nation posts about this have several comments to the effect that BostonNOW is basically looking for free labor for their revenue-generating enterprise.

Well, I'm gonna go. When you're an amateur writer with big dreams and a wildly variable rate of productivity, you need the deadlines and the exposure more than you need the $10. (Though if anyone sends me $10, I won't send it back.) Even though BunkoSquad has been churning away on the K-list of blogs since 1998 (I started out on the B-list, but the number of blogs has really exploded in nine years), I still am at the point where I'm literally giddy for hours if someone mentions me or links to me (thanks Obscurorant!), and I worry that I'll never get better if I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and writing for the same audience of twelve that I had years ago.

So I'm going to check this out. We'll see how it goes.

(Post title from Jon Lovitz' Harvey Fierstein impression, if not from Harvey himself)

Posted by Michael at 06:22 PM | Comments (3)

February 22, 2007

Geography

In today's Globe:

The Boston Cannons of Major League Lacrosse announced yesterday the team was moving its home from Boston University's Nickerson Field across the Charles River to Harvard Stadium for the 2007 season.

Actually, Nickerson Field and Harvard Stadium are on the same side of the river, as seen in this painstakingly-prepared BunkoSquad staff map (click for larger image).

UPDATE: They changed it. But it said "across the Charles River", and Adam saw it too.

Posted by Michael at 10:19 AM | Comments (3)

February 19, 2007

Snazzy Ads

The Boston Police Department is having a recruiting drive and they are "counting on snazzy ads and billboards to reverse a troubling downturn in the number and quality of applicants".

Snazzy ads to increase the quality of applicants? I'll just point out here that it's snazzy ads that have made Norbit and Ghost Rider the box office smashes of the past two weeks. And these consumers are the people you want to give guns and badges to.

I think it's time to start shopping around for a decent suicide cult.

(Spotted at Bruce's place)

Posted by Michael at 04:09 PM | Comments (0)

February 14, 2007

Arrests Made in Panic-Causing Hoax

BOSTON - Boston police and officials say they have made a number of arrests related to the hoax that snarled traffic, closed schools and caused regionwide panic.

Those arrested have been identified as Harvey Leonard of NewsCenter 5, Ken Barlow of WBZ-4, Fox 25's Kevin Lemanowicz, and Pete Bouchard of 7 News. They will be charged with providing misleading information and causing panic in the public with their forecasts of an epic blizzard.

"Their actions were irresponsible and harmful," said Attorney General Martha Coakley. "Calls have come into police and emergency units all over Boston. People were concerned, people stayed home from school, and we have an inch of slush."

Grocery stores reported that in the panic, every loaf of bread, container of milk, and stick of butter flew off the shelves. Hardware stores were also feeling the heat.

"Every year, as soon as there's snow in the forecast, everyone comes in and buys a shovel and an ice scraper," said Gerry Heroux, manager of Heroux's Hardware in Fitchburg. "I wish to hell I knew how they managed last winter. Maybe they throw out their shovels every spring."

Traffic was at a standstill all over the area, as people left for work or the slopes at the crack of dawn. 54,356 SUVs have driven off the road as of press time.

A spokesman for the National Weather Bureau defends the suspects, and says they never should have been arrested. "It was a harmless stunt," said press secretary Lance Marcheson. "They were hired to warn people of a potential winter event, and they got a little carried away. With the lack of snow all winter, the February sweeps, and the nation's attention fixed on the death of Princess Anna Nicole, it's understandable. Certainly not illegal."

City officials praised the quick police work that got these meteorologists in custody.

"It wasn't that hard to find the perpetrators," said Mayor Thomas Menino through an interpreter. "We knew where most of them were, since they were on live TV. They weren't expecting us to catch them so quickly. Most of them were apprehended right in front of their green screens."

"They'll pay for the damage they've caused the city. They'll pay."

Dunkin' Donuts stock rose $34 yesterday on the news that every snowplow driver in New England would be mobilized.

Posted by Michael at 09:24 AM | Comments (3)

February 13, 2007

Huh?

Ace Tickets is already selling Police tickets, which theoretically go on sale next Tuesday. I'm glad that ticketbuying in Boston is such an honest, transparent business.

Posted by Michael at 11:21 AM | Comments (0)

In Which I Snap

Dear Weatherpeople:

You can stop now. All right? You can please stop telling us what the temperature is with the wind-chill factor.

You say, "it's 20 but it will feel like 10 because of the wind!" like it's supposed to mean something. We don't know what 10 feels like. It never feels like 10. Because when it's 10, it feels like 0. When it's 0, it feels like 10 below. And so on.

I don't know if you guys have noticed, but the wind never stops blowing. Boston is one sustained gust of wind from Christmas to Opening Day. Last week a hot dog wrapper flew out of my hand; three days later it came back to me with Customs stamps from Romania and South Korea on it.

So when you say, "it's 20 but it will feel like 10 because of the wind chill", you might as well say "it's 65 but it will feel like 10 because of the rotation of the Earth". Equally constant, equally useless.

Posted by Michael at 08:47 AM | Comments (1)

February 07, 2007

Calling Out-of-State Readers

The Boston Globe today reports that hundreds of state cops make more than the Governor, mostly because this is the only state where there has to be a policeman waving traffic around a construction site, rather than a civilian or an orange barrel.

But this bit made me wonder:

John Coflesky, president of the State Police Association of Massachusetts, defended the detail pay, saying that having officers at construction sites instead of civilians enhances public safety.

"With us, you get a cruiser, someone with the ability to stop and issue citations, someone with a radio," he said yesterday. ". . . A cruiser -- that deters people from going past a flag man at high rates of speed. The purpose behind this is to protect the people working at construction details. . . . A flag person -- they just don't have the same clout."

I know I have readers out of state, so let me ask you this: Do you find that cars are always slamming into construction workers? Do you find that drivers race by SLOW signs and civilian flaggers, possibly with a jaunty Ignignoktesque flip of the finger, confident that no one will impede them? Is there carnage on the highways of Pennsylvania and Wisconsin that could be prevented if only a trained professional were standing nearby?

Oops, I just read the next paragraph:

A 2004 study by Suffolk University's Beacon Hill Institute, examined data from details at construction sites in 103 cities and towns and found that the state has the worst accident rate in the country measured by property damage and the second worst measured by bodily injury.

The study apparently was only about local cops and not Staties. But still. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the day they invent an orange barrel that can drink coffee and entertain the construction workers, this problem will solve itself. In the meantime, I'd like to see our State Police spending less time standing by the side of the road, and more time scanning the infrastructure for wayward cartoon characters.

Posted by Michael at 08:33 AM | Comments (9)

February 01, 2007

Today on Lansdowne Street

Three SWAT teams have been sent to Fenway to subdue this guy.

Posted by Michael at 09:16 AM | Comments (0)

January 31, 2007

My Fan Fiction Salute to Today's Events

INT - LIVING ROOM - DAY

(Frylock is reading the newspaper with a look of alarm on his face)
FRYLOCK: Those crazy Mooninites have struck again!
MEATWAD: Damn, this gonna mean trouble for me.
(Frylock waves the newspaper)
FRYLOCK: They've shut down the entire city of Boston. Traffic's at a standstill, the National Guard has been called out...they've even nuked Revere as a precautionary measure!
MASTER SHAKE (doesn't look up from TV): Does this affect me? No. Do I care? No. Am I going to spend ONE second thinking about it after I finish this sentence?
FRYLOCK: We have to stop them!
MASTER SHAKE: Stop who?

EXT - SOUTHEAST EXPRESSWAY - DAY

(The Aqua Teens are in the car, stuck in traffic. Carl is driving)
FRYLOCK: Dammit! I never should have let you talk me into stopping at Foxwoods.
MASTER SHAKE: What can I say? Sometimes the feeling comes over me, baby! Trust the feeling!
CARL: What, there, the feeling to split threes when the dealer's got a king showing? 'Cuz that there's the kinda feeling you want to...y'know...ignore...
FRYLOCK: And now we're stuck in traffic.
MEATWAD: Maybe we should have taken Boston's efficient public transit system.
(silence)
MEATWAD: I hear they got a Silver Line now. With a classy name like that, it gots to be good.

EXT - LONGFELLOW BRIDGE - EVENING

(Traffic is in complete gridlock. Horns honking, some people have abandoned cars. Ignignokt and Err are dancing on the northbound lanes)
IGNIGNOKT: Do you see what we've done, Err? Just by showing our faces, we have shut this major metropolitan area into an absolute standtill.
ERR: Major metropolitan area my ass! YEAH!
IGNIGNOKT: We have conquered Foreigner, we have disintegrated Loverboy, and now our sights are set on Boston. Take that, holdouts of 70s album-oriented rock!
ERR: I got More Than A Feeling that you're goin' down bizzitch!
FRYLOCK (offscreen): Not so fast!
(The Aqua Teens come into the picture. Shake has a big Red Sox #1 foam finger and Meatwad is eating a pizza)
MEATWAD: We'd'a been here sooner but we saw one o'them Duck Tour boats. I thought our number was up when he drove into the river, but DAMN if that thing didn't float somehow.
FRYLOCK: You can't stay here. The people of this city deserve a calm and orderly commute.
IGNIGNOKT: Would you say they deserve...Peace of Mind?
FRYLOCK: Well, yeah, I --
(A huge flash of light. Suddenly there's shouting and commotion from all sides)
IGNIGNOKT: Well, there you have it. People living in competition.
FRYLOCK: You don't get another warning.
(Frylock shoots a laser beam, which Ignignokt dodges. An explosion is heard offscreen)
ERR: Way to go LOSER! You just made the Big Dig tunnel collapse!
FRYLOCK (puzzled): But I didn't even shoot in that direction.
SHAKE: Look, can we wrap this up? And soon? I'd like to go over to Hah-vahd, and **** up some smaht kids.
MEATWAD: I want to stay! I met some lady who works for Mayor Menino and she says maybe what I could give Mayor Menino some speak lessons.
FRYLOCK: No! This ends now!
IGNIGNOKT: It matter not. We're off to dance in the streets of Hyannis. Everybody's waiting. Gettin' ready. Anticipating.
ERR: But Boston ain't gonna forget us soon!
IGNIGNOKT: Yes, we won't soon be forgotten.
ERR: So long baby!
(Ignignokt and Err vanish off screen)
FRYLOCK: Oh, man, it's going to take weeks for everyone to get home now.
MEATWAD: Because of those mean moon men? I hate them.
FRYLOCK: No. Because it's Friday rush hour.

FIN

Posted by Michael at 07:36 PM | Comments (5)

In Which Gov. Patrick and I Disagree Publicly for the First Time

Governor Deval Patrick told the Associated Press: "It's a hoax -- and it's not funny."

What can I say? It's funny to me.

Posted by Michael at 04:09 PM | Comments (1)

You Vertical-Leaping Bastards

Channel 4 has the best summary of the suspicious device that got all of Sullivan Square, and now all of Boston, in a OMG!WTF!BBQ! tizzy this morning. Adam at Universal Hub has a link to a closeup of the device in question, and...Oh my God! It's Ignignokt! Randomly-placed circuit boards today, can the Foreigner belt be far behind?

Posted by Michael at 02:51 PM | Comments (3)

January 30, 2007

I Don't Get It

Can anyone explain to me exactly how Massachusetts' new "universal health care" law actually helps anyone? First, you get fined and punished if you don't have insurance; now you get fined and punished if you don't have the right kind of insurance.

Who gets any benefit from this, apart from insurance companies?

(I'm not just complaining here; if there's a real benefit to the individual that I'm not seeing, I'm happy to hear it.)

Posted by Michael at 08:48 AM | Comments (0)

January 29, 2007

Dan Shaughnessy Remembers Where the Garden Is

Dan Shaughnessy, who wondered aloud on Friday why anyone bothers following the Celtics' miserable season, today wrote a column about the Celtics' miserable season. Proving there's no pigpile too high for Dan to jump on.

Now, there aren't a lot of people around who have said more unkind things about the C's this year than me, but I get into full circle-the-wagons mode when an outsider (yes, Dan) starts saying some of the same things I've been saying all along. Let's look at some of the highlights:

Boston plays in Indianapolis tomorrow night, then comes home to face the Lakers Wednesday and the Clippers Friday. If the Celtics drop the next two, they'll tie the franchise record for consecutive losses, which would put it all on the line Friday night against the Clips.

Some of us (read: me) even took the extra step of looking at the schedule to see when we might see the next win. I have the Valentine's Day tilt against Milwaukee penciled in as a "maybe" (which would break a potential 18-game plummet), but after that is a brutal Western trip, then a possible liferaft against the Knicks at the end of February. Any way you slice it, it's going to be a long winter.

Nobody seems bothered. Not even the fans. A robust 17,269 trekked to the basketball barn and most of them seemed happy with the show -- even the few who didn't go home with a free T-shirt shot out of a toy cannon.

"Happy with the show" makes it sound like we were all just there to have a good time and didn't care who won. Not true. There's a grey area, though between "hopeful to see a good game and maybe steal a win" and "let's all slit our wrists because this team sucks so much". It's easier to have a decent time when your expectations are nonexistent. To be fair to Dan, though, it's harder to judge the pulse of a fanbase when you only go to five games a year.

The Celtics have been playing without Paul Pierce since Dec. 21 (stress reaction, left foot), but there's little excuse for what we're seeing these days.

You say "little excuse"; I say "the entire team is under 25, their coach is befuddled by the concept of game management, and no one's confident enough to take the momentum-shifting shot." Excuses? No. Reasons? Yes.

...boilerplate history lesson...

But now there is little light. Executive director of basketball operations Danny Ainge has given us a team of overgrown kids who don't know how to win without Pierce.

Hmm. Sounds like what I said. If you look at the Celtics for what they realistically are - a very good college team playing an NBA schedule - there's a little more light.

And for the rest of the year they're going to play under a cloud of suspicion because of the long shadow cast by Ohio State 7-footer Greg Oden and Texas freshman Kevin Durant. Those two young men are expected to be the prizes of the 2007 draft and Boston's lose-to-win strategy could yield a franchise player.

Cloud of suspicion? When you've got Philly dumping Allen Iverson for loose change and ready to break the kneecaps of anyone who scores 25, when you've got Memphis trying to trade their one good player before they accidentally go on a winning streak (much more on this situation later), and when you've got the Knicks in tank mode (to be fair, Isiah may not realize he traded away his #1 pick), the Celtics don't look all that suspicious. They just don't look that good.

They are spiraling toward Secaucus with their sights set on Oden and Durant, and no one seems too upset about any of it.

Sorry, Dan. My next game's against Miami next week; I'll be sure to wear the sackcloth so you don't accidentally think I'm not full of woe.

Posted by Michael at 08:08 AM | Comments (1)

January 26, 2007

One More Globe Snippet to Complain About

From Ellen Goodman's column about whether Barack Obama is too young to be taken seriously:

One of the charms of the boomers, the watermelon in the demographic python, is how they are managing to age without getting old.

Well, there goes a perfectly good mouthful of coffee.

Without getting old?!? Obviously, Ellen Goodman hasn't recently watched a football game, where the beer commercials are now outnumbered by the commercials for prescription drugs to treat male problems. Commercials targeted, without irony, to the same people who flipped their wigs (sorry...hair transplants) over the fact that they had to suddenly explain the facts of life to their kids when Janet Jackson's tired old bosom was revealed to the nation. I give Ellen props for the watermelon line, though.

Posted by Michael at 09:16 AM | Comments (0)

January 24, 2007

There Once Was A Woman From Rozzie...

No, I won't finish this limerick. You win, John Daley.

Posted by Michael at 11:28 AM | Comments (2)

January 14, 2007

You Stay Classy, San Diego

Have I mentioned I love the Patriots? Some notes:

• It's been said before, but I think Marty Schottenheimer could botch a two-car funeral. What a bad job managing the second half.
• On the other hand, I think that when the season is over, we should put Belichick and Brady in charge of the Iraq war. When there was 3:30 left and the Pats started their drive, I felt such a feeling of calmness and inevitability. I love these guys.
• Here's the Chargers' contact page. As of 9:00 PM, the Chargers hadn't announced who may or may not be eligible to order AFC Championship tickets. Let me know if you hear anything.
• 13 hours of football watching this weekend has convinced me of three things: Wendy's chicken meal is (whispers) $2.99. Roosters don't like it when you wake them up. And this is, despite anything you may have heard to the contrary, our country.
• Peyton? We're coming....

Midnight Update: Is LaDainian Tomlinson's beef really "they celebrated their victory by imitating one of our players' victory celebrations, so they are classless"? Ooh, someone doesn't like being part of the MVP-sent-home-by-the-Pats club.

Posted by Michael at 08:50 PM | Comments (1)

January 08, 2007

Never Shoulda Let Him Go

Bronson Arroyo may have been sent packing to the Midwest, but his heart is still in Boston. That, and the indie-rock scene in Cincinnati is still getting its act together. So the lanky ex-Sox hurler is coming back to rock the Roxy this weekend, and you can enter to win tickets from Exploit Boston! Hurry; entries are due Wednesday at noon.

Posted by Michael at 07:58 PM | Comments (0)

December 04, 2006

Walkin' After Midnight

For all the complaining I do about this city -- walking along Memorial Drive, in the late late hours, looking over at the skyline, with no traffic to dodge and no pedestrians to fight, on an unseasonably mild December night, really makes me remember that I actually like Boston.

Posted by Michael at 01:43 AM | Comments (0)

December 01, 2006

Instant Arrest

How freaking dumb do you have to be to rob a Dunkin Donuts?

Posted by Michael at 12:41 PM | Comments (2)

November 20, 2006

Let the People Vote On Marriage

As I understand it, the Massachusetts Legislature just forced marriage on everybody. This is wrong. Marriage is a fundamental institution that affects everyone, and it's too important a decision to be left to the individual couples.

I'm confident that our judges will act swiftly to override the legislature, so once we have the ability to vote on marriages, I want to be ready with some endorsements. So here are some case files:

Marc and Amy, Leominster. Marc's working a pretty good IT job; Amy does some freelance Internet editing and looks after the couple's 2-year-old, Robin. They seem very happy, and deserve a good shot. I urge a YES vote on their marriage.

William and Joanne, Hingham. They were married 45 years ago; since their youngest son, Andrew, moved out in 1992, they pretty much sit in stony silence and wait the clock out. It's pretty sad. I urge a NO vote on their marriage.

Jeff and Kevin, Somerville. One of the first same-sex couples to legally wed, Jeff and Kevin are leading a wonderful life together, free of all of the so-called "gay agenda" sidetracks that so many worried about. They're doing just fine; I urge a YES vote on their marriage.

Brian and Lucia, Douglas. Though they appear happy, the tragic fact is that Lucia only wanted to marry Brian (back in 1992) to acquire citizenship. The relationship's been rocky, but for the sake of their three children, I urge a tentative YES, but this bears watching.

Lee and Annabelle, Malden. Just a nightmare. They shout at each other all day, their children are shell-shocked loners, and their dog stands outside in the rain all day on a 2-foot leash. What the priest was thinking when he sanctified this union is beyond me. I strongly urge a NO vote on their marriage.

Jill and Sarah, Northampton. They admit they got married last year "sort of on a lark", but they say that the union has made them really realize the depth of their commitment to one another. I urge a YES vote on their marriage.

Willard and Ann, Belmont. Although they seem happy and successful, this couple belongs to a group that is known to have radically realigned marriage in the past. Although they claim to be committed to each other and each other alone, their organization has been linked to polygamy and marriage-arranging in the past. They may be innocent of these insinuations, but the state can't let outward appearances change the fact that this may be an unstable environment for their children. I urge a NO vote on this marriage.

Posted by Michael at 06:48 PM | Comments (2)

October 17, 2006

You'd Think Dunkie's Would Run Courtesy Vans

Bruce at mAss Backwards rightfully rips the fact that Boston cops are being pulled off police work to ferry around dignitaries from the International Association of Chiefs of Police. Ferry them to and from bars, that is, not to and from summit meetings on escalating crime.

Bruce makes all the right points about priorities, and efficient use of taxpayer money, and all that, but what I want to know is this. Are cops being pulled off traffic details to help with the convention? Because I'd hate to see dozens of cars careening into orange barrels and ditches because there's not a $50/hr hand-waving-specialist there to dissuade them.

Posted by Michael at 04:18 PM | Comments (0)

October 15, 2006

Get Lost, Mitt

Seriously. The only things that make you actually show your face in the state you allegedly govern are disasters and antigay rallies. What a stand-up guy.

So the ridiculous Family Research Council chose a rally in Boston to show to all their friends at churches nationwide the horrible effects gay marriage has wrought on the Commonwealth. Horrible effects like....well, I can't think of any. But clearly there are some, because if this is a big enough issue to bring the Governor to Boston, there must be some compelling reason.

Mitt told the rabid religious crowd that "activist judges struck a blow to the foundation of civilization -- the family". Again, I haven't heard of one family in Massachusetts dissolving because of gay marriage, but what do I know, I've only been in Massachusetts this whole time and not going to fundraisers in South Carolina.

Romney continued, "What (the judges) ignored is that marriage is not primarily about adults, marriage is about the nurturing and development of children ... every child deserves a mother and a father." Actually, Mitt, as someone in charge of state government, you ought to be aware that marriage is a legal contract issued by the state. You can look over the relevant laws if you like; I didn't see anything there about children. But the facts are certainly on your side; that is, assuming you're running for President in 1952.

Tony Perkins, head of the noxious FRC, said, "When we look at what has happened with same-sex marriage, as it began in this state and threatens to spread across the country, we've seen in its wake the loss of religious freedoms and the ability to speak out based upon one's moral convictions." Again, he has no actual examples of anything happening, but since he spends all his days researching families, I'm sure he has some concrete evidence.

And Mr. Perkins, I'm going to go ahead and speak out based upon my moral convictions. You are a first-class bigot and liar, and history will soon see you as a fossil. And if Americans have any sense at all, they'll soon send you and Governor Mitt into the irrelevance you so richly deserve.

Posted by Michael at 10:23 PM | Comments (6)

September 29, 2006

10 People Who Could Disappear Off the Face of Boston Without Me Batting An Eyelash

1. Cab Drivers. I'd like to think that if I did the same thing all day, every day (like, say, driving a cab), I might get slightly better at it. Yet these guys have no concept of exit-only lanes, crosswalks, or pulling over to let someone out. I'm fine with their driving like maniacs - that's part of the Cabbie Code - but the incompetence, not so much. Plus, their lobbying means the T has to keep it's we're-a-world-class-city-really 1 A.M. closing time.

2. Bike Riders. Not you, of course. I know that you don't ride on sidewalks or run red lights or swerve into pedestrians to avoid cars, and swerve in front of cars to avoid pedestrians. And then you certainly don't wrap yourself in an aura of self-righteousness and go on and on about how bikes must legally be treated the same as cars. It's not you. It's the 98% of bad apples who give the other 2% a bad name.

3. Ernie Boch Jr. His costs are less! So he can sell for less! Ernie, spend some of the savings on a spokesman whose voice and delivery doesn't make me want to stick my face in a fan. You don't want me to come on down; I promise.

4. Detail Cops. 49 states realize that civilians are perfectly capable of waving cars around holes in the ground. I'd like to think that cops join the force to stop crime, not to putter around and enforce road crews' break hours. As soon as they invent the orange barrel that can drink iced coffee and talk on the cell phone, though, this problem will work itself out.

5. Sportswriters. We have some good ones. But we have way too many who are bred with hyenas and vultures, and can't resist a pigpile. Red Sox collapse in August? You knew it all along. Patriots stumble slightly? Time to start digging Belichick a grave. The reason the rest of the country thinks Boston fans are whiny front-runners.

6. Mitt Romney. Robert Pack, a servicable NBA point guard, was traded from Dallas to the Celtics as part of a four-team deal involving Donyell Marshall and Danny Fortson on August 16, 2000. The Celtics, before the preseason began, traded Pack to Denver in the Stith/Cheaney deal on October 16. Robert Pack spent two months as a Celtic without playing a game or donning a uniform. And he's still had more of an impact on Boston than the guy who's been our governor for four years.

7. Whoever's behind turning Harvard Square into a mall. We've lost the Tasty, the Bow & Arrow, Wordsworth, several used book stores. And we've gotten cell phone stores, banks, and we're probably getting more. That being said, IHOP is coming to Harvard Square and I couldn't be happier. I never claimed not to be a slight hypocrite.

8. Weathermen. "Hurricane Pablo has left the entire island of Hispaniola underwater; tens of thousands are dead and millions are missing. Will it affect your weekend? I'll have the AccuCertainUltimaPulledOutOfMyAss Forecast at 11."

9. Whoever made the 66 Bus schedule. It should be nominated for a National Book Award in the Fiction category. Though I guess it's honest, after a fashion; they promise four buses an hour, and that's what you get. Unfortunately, they come by at :03, :04, :04 and :07 past the hour. When I lived in Arlington, I assumed the 77 bus was the worst in the system. When I lived in Central Square, I thought it was the 1. Now it's the 66. Either the T hates me, or they're remarkably consistent.

10. People Who Bitch and Moan and Don't Do Anything To Help. We're really annoying, huh?

Posted by Michael at 07:13 PM | Comments (6)

August 21, 2006

Wicked Pissah

(via Universal Hub)

Posted by Michael at 11:32 PM | Comments (5)

August 10, 2006

MLB Releases Updated Red Sox Schedule

BOSTON - Major League Baseball has taken the unprecedented step of completely overhauling the Red Sox' late-season schedule, BunkoSquad has learned. In reaction to the team losing four straight to the hapless Devil Rays and execrable Royals, Acting Commissioner Bud Selig invoked the "best-interests-of-the-game" clause, to send the woeful Boston nine to spread cheer all around baseball.

"When you look at the faces of the kids in Tampa Bay and Kansas City, you see why I had to make the move," Selig said. "These are kids rooting their whole lives for crappy teams. They're about ready to give up on baseball, until the Red Sox come to town and make it all OK again."

The Red Sox will now stay in Kansas City for the entire weekend, before heading to the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota from 8/14-16. The five-game Yankee series will be played as scheduled. The Sox will then depart on a nine-game trip to Pittsburgh, Washington and surprisingly, Papua New Guinea, where the hope is that the series will breathe some life into the fledgling New Guinean national team. The New Guinean team was established yesterday and will get a solid week of practices in, once equipment arrives from the U.S.

The Sox will return to Fenway for a homestand against Pawtucket, Kansas City, and the AlbaNineties, an Albany, N.Y., organization that meets socially to play baseball under 1890s rules (note to ticketholders: that series will be all afternoon games.)

In mid-September, the Red Sox will spend a week in New York City, playing 3 games against the Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital All-Stars, followed by 4 against the Yankees.

The rest of the schedule will consist mainly of games against New England high-school teams and nursing homes, capping it off with a highly-anticipated finals-weekend series against basketball's famed Washington Generals.

Selig defended the decision to leave the Yankee games intact. "The rivalry is as heated as ever," he said. "Plus, I got a letter from a 9-year-old boy in New Jersey - big Yankees fan - who said he's on his second hamster since 2000, and is scared that this hamster will live his entire life without seeing the Yankees win the World Series."

In other news, the Red Sox picked up Julian Tavarez' contract through 2015.

Posted by Michael at 11:00 AM | Comments (2)

May 31, 2006

It's Nice When Things Make Sense

Sadly, this isn't one of those times. On the bus ride into Harvard Square this morning, we were doing fine until we reached Point A on the map at left. Here, there was a massive backup on JFK Street, to the point where there was actal gridlock, blocking the cars on Memorial Drive. We waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, after a light-cycle and a half, we crawled forward enough to reach Point B, where the left lane disappeared and everyone had to merge. Here's where the bus driver thankfully let people out, so the rest of the story continues on foot.

Points C and D are adjacent in real life. Let's make C stand for Cop, and D stand for Ditch In the Road. Now that traffic's in one lane and moving along okay, C is waving cars through (which, frankly, let's give him credit for, since most detail cops are more likely to be smoking butts, drinking iced coffee, and talking to the construction workers than making even a half-hearted and superfluous attempt to move traffic along). And, I'll admit, it's good he's there. Since only the savviest of drivers would note a long line of orange cones, the presence of heavy earthmoving equipment, and a freaking ditch in the road, and make the mental leap to think "There's a ditch in the road".

Now, I know how things work in this state. I know somewhere, there's a perfectly good reason why it has to be a cop standing there, waving along cars that are already moving, as opposed to a civilian. Or a scarecrow. Or a cardboard cutout of Grimace. Or an orange barrel. And I know there's a perfectly sound explanation why the cop couldn't relocate to the corner of Memorial Drive, to help with the traffic that's actually stuck. (I honestly think cars would be careening into the ditch if he weren't there.)

But I know that asking any questions of this sort will probably get me pulled over and possibly detained as an enemy combatant. So, nice work, everyone. Nice work.

Posted by Michael at 09:54 AM | Comments (1)

May 25, 2006

Happy Anniversary

It's a sign of how much-ado-about-nothing this whole thing is, that I totally forgot that May 17th was the 2-year anniversary of the first legal gay marriages in Massachusetts.

Still no earthquakes.

Still no plague of frogs.

Still no clamoring for legalization of incest, polygamy, and bestiality.

Still no downfall of society.

Still no takers for the crisp new $50 bill I've pledged to anybody who can explain how their rights have been curtailed, or how they've been otherwise harmed, by the ruling.

Maybe someday, people like these angry Norwoodians will get tired of being on the wrong side of history.

Posted by Michael at 05:00 PM | Comments (2)

May 19, 2006

The BC-Holy Cross Game

Bob Ryan has an excellent column taking Boston College to task for dropping Holy Cross off its basketball schedule.

I don't think I've made it a big secret that I'm not that impressed with college sports, and here's a good reason why. BC wants to run with the big boys in the ACC, but they need some games to fill up their early-season schedule. So they find a bunch of patsies and rubes who want a glimpse of the spotlight (assuming BC is the spotlight), cream them, and everyone's happy. Holy Cross used to have the double advantage of (1) being one of those patsies, and (2) having decades of tradition playing BC in various sports.

The problem came when Holy Cross got -- well -- good. They've been to the NCAA tournament a lot recently; they've never made it out of the first round, but they've caused many a britch to be soiled in Kentucky and Kansas in those first round games. And they beat BC a couple of years ago and play them close other years. Outrage!

(Disclaimer: I grew up in a Holy Cross/rabid-anti-BC household. I'd feel this way anyway but that needs to be on the record.)

So Ryan gets quotes from the principles involved (BC coach Al Skinner, HC coach Ralph Willard, BC AD Gene DeFilippo and HC AD Dick Regan). What are some of the arguments?

* Physical play has Al Skinner worried about the BC team's health
* Upsets tarnish the prestige of a major-conference school
* Strength of schedule matters for tournament seeding
* Stuff like tradition and honor don't matter anymore
* Incessant mockery from other ACC coaches if Skinner loses to a patsy
* Eagles cultivating rivalries with 05-06 opponents TX Southern and Shawnee St.
* Scheduling a 45 minute road trip to Worcester cuts into valuable class time

Read down that list (ahem ahem cough) and see if you can decide what the real reason is that BC has pulled the game off its schedule.

Posted by Michael at 10:12 AM | Comments (1)

May 14, 2006

Suicide Rate in Boston Approaching 87%

BOSTON - After five days of steady drenching rain, and with four more days of the same in the forecast, the suicide rate in Greater Boston is approaching 87% of the population, BunkoSquad has learned.

"It seems everyone in town has come to the same conclusion," said Harvard psychologist Claude Morraieux, in a hastily-written note left next to his body. "People are convinced they will never see the sun again, and decided to leave this earth on their own terms."

The mass suicides cut across gender, racial, and socioeconomic lines. The only people immune to the phenomenon seem to be people whose well-being depends on the misery of others. Meterologists and live-feed journalists are reporting "a 110% chance of job satisfaction", and MBTA bus drivers are working double shifts for the chance to drive around with "OUT OF SERVICE" on the front of the bus, and splash any survivors waiting at bus stops.

"This is a dark time for our city," said Mayor Thomas Menino. "When the sun comes out, which they say will be about July 17th, we'll have tens of thousands of waterlogged bodies to remove. And that might cut into the plans we had to fix a pothole this summer."

Some people are hopeful for a silver lining. Will the deaths of 87% of the population mean a reduction in rents and housing rates for those who remain? "Not likely," said real estate expert Stanley Fluvanna, chuckling. "Not likely at all. Suckers."

But the tragic stories are multiplying. A resident of Somerville who wished not to be identified said that when the 6:00 news on Saturday started with a 48-hour forecast, "you could hear single gunshots up and down the street." Rumors tell of an unidentified man setting himself on fire when he walked into a sports bar to see the Yankees playing in sunshine in New York. And Englishman Rob McKenna, on a week's vacation in Boston, was brutally murdered by suspicious science fiction fans.

The Globe plans to run a 4,600 page special obituary edition once they can find enough people to typeset it.

Posted by Michael at 12:13 PM | Comments (3)

May 10, 2006

Hint: It's C

What do the following dates have in common: April 4th, April 15th, April 23rd, April 28th, May 2nd, May 7th, May 11th (projected), June 9th (projected)?

(A) Days when the Kansas City Royals dug deep, looked failure in the face, and managed to scratch out 5+ hits in one game
(B) Feast days of patron saints of various Eastern European countries
(C) Days when I've put my winter coat in the closet, happily vowing not to see it again until November
(D) Birthdays I inexplicably remember, of people I haven't seen in 15 years.

Posted by Michael at 02:20 PM | Comments (1)

April 30, 2006

Freedom Trail

It was so nice today, I actually decided I wanted to make like a tourist, and walked the entire Freedom Trail. Even the Bunker Hill monument. All 294 steps. A full review will soon be online at my sister site (not to be confused with my sister's site, which I don't think exists yet).

Posted by Michael at 11:59 AM | Comments (3)

March 15, 2006

Nine Words, Upon Returning From Texas to Boston

Holy crap! Who forgot to pay the heating bill?

Posted by Michael at 06:57 PM | Comments (0)

March 10, 2006

Validate My City!

Usually those "there are two kinds of people in the world" dichotomies either bore me or amuse me (my favorite: "There are three kinds of people in the world; those who can count and those who can't.") Rarely is there one that has some kind of truth in it. Until now.

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who are excited about Barney's opening in Boston, and those who I might conceivably want to know.

"There's no question this town is now hip," said Annette Born, principal of Urban/Born Associates, a retail consulting firm. "We can stand up against New York and San Francisco."

Finally! We can stand up against New York and San Francisco! And we can all pay $395 for a pair of cufflinks! $28 for a novelty bib! Or $580 for a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes that contain as much material as your average wristwatch! Suck it, Schnectady!

I find it interesting that on their website, "Dog Accessories" is a subcategory of "Womens". I think, and I might be stereotyping here, that this is because when men think of dogs, they think "something I can throw tennis balls at, and in a pinch can help me hunt down food". As opposed to "I want a dog that will fit in a $1,980 Goyard Hullot dog carrier (with matching $320 collar)." Just a guess.

And there's more to come:

Recent real estate openings have also made room for shoe czar Jimmy Choo at Copley Place and the Italian designer Valentino on Newbury Street.

This is a great thing for Boston. As I sit here in my green sweater (Christmas gift), comfy jeans (Gap, $30), black shoes (Payless, $17) and ballcap (schwag from a deceased dot-com), I think - finally! There's even less chance that I'll run into these kinds of people!

Posted by Michael at 10:24 AM | Comments (8)

February 24, 2006

T-Rific

The MBTA announced it's going to raise fares next year, making the cost of a bus trip (probably) $1.15 and a subway trip (probably) $1.55. Love those round numbers, guys. Why not make the bus $1.17 and the train $1.53?

Happily, BunkoSquad has received a leaked copy of the T's plans of what to do with all the extra money. Some of the improvements:

1. Change the frequence of several major bus routes, particularly the #1 and the #66. Now instead of releasing 4 at a time every 40 minutes, they'll release 3 at a time every 30 minutes.
2. To cut down on walking, add a new stop on the B-line between B.U. Central and B.U. East
3. Garbled messages in stations now available in English, Spanish, and Russian
4. Build a quick, efficient connector between North Station and South Station (just kiddin')
5. Connect the Blue Line to the Red Line (Stop! You're killing me!)
6. If you see something, now you can text-message something
7. $4.3 million in improvements to the Bowdoin Station, the Wonka Factory of the T (nobody ever goes in; nobody ever comes out)
8. A $5 million advertising campaign to convince people that the Silver Line isn't just a bus
9. Improved cell phone reception in all subway tunnels, 'cause people aren't being quite aggravating enough
10. 75% of inbound Green Line trains will now stop at Copley, cutting down on all those unncessary trips to Park St. and Government Center
11. More fun toys in the Kendall station

Should be fun.

Posted by Michael at 09:54 AM | Comments (0)

February 10, 2006

Boston For Sale

The Globe is owned by the New York Times, Gillette is owned by Proctor and Gamble, Dunkie's is owned by the Carlyle Group, the Governor's office is owned by Utah. Now, apparently, we've sold two of our most recognizable skyscrapers to Dubai.

It's a shame.

(found on Universal Hub)

Posted by Michael at 10:14 AM | Comments (1)

January 20, 2006

Two Problems

The Massachusetts House passed a bill that would let cops pull you over for not wearing a seatbelt. Previously, they could nail you with a $25 fine, but they had to pull you over for something else first.

Problem one: If you die in a car crash because you couldn't/wouldn't take 2 seconds to buckle your seatbelt...isn't that just Darwinism stripped bare? Why are we trying to thwart the laws of natural selection and working to ensure that these stupid genes pass on to the next generation?

Problem two: It's real easy to imagine a scenario like this happening:

Policeman in generic lily-white suburb (let's call it Notsew or Yelsellew): Do you know why I pulled you over?
Black Motorist: (honestly puzzled) No, sir, I don't.
Policeman: Well, it looked like you weren't wearing a seatbelt.
Motorist: Well, I am, as you can see, sir.
Policeman: Uh-huh. But since I've got you here, one of your taillights is flickering - that's a $25 ticket. You've got an air freshener hanging down from your rear-view mirror - that's a $25 ticket. Your muffler sounded a little off - I'll let you off with a warning there. I can't read "The Spirit of America" on your front license plate - that's a $50 ticket. And I'm pretty sure I saw you hurry to put on your seatbelt when I pulled you over. So there's another $25.
Motorist: (thinking) I'm never coming through this town again.
Policeman: (thinking) He'll never come through this town again.
Policeman: OK, now step out of the car please.

I guess this must be another one of those little liberties we have to give up so the terrorists don't affect our way of life. Or something.

Posted by Michael at 10:22 AM | Comments (1)

May 01, 2005

Ah, Massachusetts

An open letter to the Globe:

Recently I went on a two week driving tour down and back up the East Coast. And the whole time I was gone, I thought something might be wrong with my car, and couldn't figure out what it was.

Then I got back to Massachusetts, and my car started behaving like itself again. I guess my car just got used to the potholes and torn-up, horribly maintained roads, and couldn't handle straight, flat pavement. It's good to be home.

And I'm not even going into the fact that we all deserve our reputations as the worst drivers out there. Luckily it took me about 6 seconds to readjust.

Posted by Michael at 12:58 AM | Comments (1)

April 14, 2005

Bah

I had a good longish post written about Mayor Menino's plan to go after parking lots near Fenway that raise their rates at big games, and then my computer froze.

Cliff Notes version: I agree with Carpundit, and if they want to keep the costs of going to a ballgame down, they can start by enforcing Mass Gen'l Law, Chapter 140, Section 185D.

Posted by Michael at 01:33 PM | Comments (0)