All Entries Related to "Pop Vulture"
May 30, 2008
This Morning's Discussion
PERSON 1: Are you going to see Sex and the City this weekend?
(PERSON 2 and PERSON 3 laugh)
PERSON 3: No, I don't think so.
PERSON 1: seems like a perfect thing for a single guy to do; go sit in a room full of women...
PERSON 2: True.
PERSON 3: Yeah, but what a waste of $10. Wouldn't it be better to just be outside the theater when the movie let out?
PERSON 2: Like you're crouching in a duck blind.
PERSON 1: Right, and ask someone coming out, "How was it? Would you like to get a drink and discuss it?"
PERSON 2: Well, don't come right out with, "How was it?"; that makes you look like the guy who can't afford to go see a damn movie.
PERSON 1: That'd be even worse tomorrow. What with the matinee crowd and all.
PERSON 2: And you definitely don't want to make it look like you're just pacing around outside the theater waiting for the women to come out the door.
PERSON 3: I just thought of a major flaw in this plan.
PERSON 1 and PERSON 2: What?
PERSON 3: Even if it works, you then have to pretend you're interested in the Sex and the City movie for a little while afterwards.
FIN
(The above was loosely based on both an actual conversation in which I participated, and on some of my stream-of-consciousness about the situation. I'll be watching the Celtics tonight, at a bar, with friends, so if you see some mope lurking outside the Common Theater tonight, it ain't me. No promises on not trying to swoop on the matinee crowd tommorow. And don't bother asking why Person 3 speaks before Person 2.)
Posted by Michael at 02:48 PM | Comments (1)
May 21, 2008
Creator of Backstreet Boys, 'N Sync Sentenced to 25 Years In Prison
Not nearly enough, I say!
Oh, it's for defrauding investors, not for creating the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync. I guess that sounds about right, then.
Posted by Michael at 02:52 PM | Comments (2)
April 07, 2008
Pieter-Dirk Uys at Zero Arrow Theatre
I got a chance last night to go see Elections and Erections, a one-man show by Pieter Dirk Uys (as part of the American Repetory's blogger outreach program). I hadn't known a lot about him before I went; the best way I can describe him is as a South African, more political version of Eddie Izzard. In that you have to be pretty smart to keep up with him, he frequently calls back to jokes from earlier in the show, and he does much of his performance in a dress.
Calling what Uys does a "one-man show" isn't exactly accurate, either, since half of his act is performed in costume and in various characters. He even does a puppet show. Some of his characters are inventions (like his Evita Bezuidenhout, a flat-out mockery of Afrikaner upper-middle-class morality), and some are real (Mother Theresa, Bishop Tutu, and Winnie Mandela all show up during the program). All contribute to his relentless skewering of South African society and its awkward transition from its despicable past into its uncertain future.
It certainly would have helped to know more about South African politics than I did, but Uys does a remarkable job breaking it down for ignorant Americans. (Like the piece of work that is the country's Minister of Health, who thinks AIDS can best be fought with a garlic and beetroot diet.)
Uys does a really nice job balancing the funny with the intensely personal. He tells one gripping story of an apartheid-era fling that, if discovered, would have ended with him in big trouble and the other guy probably killed. It's kind of jarring after the funny bits, but it really does illuminate some of the fear and insanity of the time.
The show will be playing at the American Repertory's Zero Arrow Theatre in Harvard Square until May 5th; many of the shows will also involve guest speakers and political discussions about South Africa's past and future. The whole schedule is on the ART's website, and is definitely worth checking out.
Posted by Michael at 09:53 AM | Comments (0)
November 07, 2007
Christmas is Still in December, and My Birthday is Still in April
It's about freaking time.
Posted by Michael at 11:00 AM | Comments (0)
June 12, 2007
I Think That Cubby's Got It In For Me
How to feel like an utter schmuck in 5 easy steps.
1. Constantly DVR reruns of a 25-year-old sitcom, waiting for the funniest episode in the history of television comedy to come around.
2. Come home Monday to find that it did. Pump fists in the air.
3. Watch it, relive it, love it.
4. Go to your cable menu to change the record settings so the episode will stay on your box until you delete it.
5. Screw up; delete it.
Sigh. I need either a tranquilizer or a Chiclet right about now.
Posted by Michael at 09:38 AM | Comments (4)
June 11, 2007
Contrarian By Nature
At 10:01 last night, I was just as shocked and bewildered as everyone else. But this morning, the more I read about how everyone hated it and how much it sucked, the more I like it.
PS - OMG IT WAS TOTALLY THE RUSSIAN GUY FROM SEASON 3 LOLZ
Posted by Michael at 11:02 AM | Comments (1)
June 04, 2007
Sopranos Finale Gambling
I think I'm moving all my chips to the "Janice mortally wounds Tony, whose life flashes before his eyes in the form of everyone he's had killed over the years" box.
Posted by Michael at 02:28 PM | Comments (2)
May 02, 2007
Tom Poston Died
RIP George Utley. Seriously, now, what the hell do I have to do to expedite Newhart coming out on DVD?
Posted by Michael at 08:48 AM | Comments (5)
April 20, 2007
LostBlog: The Extended Edition
Spurge, in comments, wanted to know why I put up this frustrated post after Wednesday night's Lost. I'm not going to give up on it - it still hooks me week after week - but it does drive me crazy at times. So, Spurge, you asked a serious question and by god you're going to get a serious answer. Those of you waiting to watch the whole season at once (or who don't care) are hereby excused.
Things That Are Driving Me Nuts, In No Particular Order.
1. No one on the island seems capable of asking a followup question. I don't think this actual exchange actually occurred, but it's the kind of thing I'm talking about.
Sayid: Maybe if we go around to the other side, we can infiltrate the camp from over there.
Rousseau (ominously): No, we must not go over the other side.
Sayid: _________.
2. The scene that's had me most apoplectic all season was when Juliet was digging up the medical supplies and got cornered by Sayid and Sawyer. They say she's not going anywhere until they get some answers. She points out that one of them's a crook and one of them a torturer, so they have no moral standing to ask her anything. They hem and haw, instead of saying, "None of my crimes/torturing was against you*. You, on the other hand, have kidnapped Walt, used Michael to kill two people, kidnapped god-knows-how-many people from the tail, kidnapped Claire, almost killed Charlie, caged Sawyer and Kate, screwed with the minds of Jack and now Locke, beat up Sayid on like twelve separate occasions, and almost kidnapped Sun. Now some answers, please." *And yes, I know Sayid tortured Ben. This still would have been a better answer than NOTHING.
3. Dropped hints that are never follwed up on. The four-toed statue? Nobody seems curious what happened to Mr. Eko? I know, all in good time, but it's frustrating.
4. I'm not feeling the flashbacks the way I did the first two seasons. Kate got betrayed by her mother? We knew that. Desmond was in a monastery? Interesting, but seemed like it was only useful to set up the Jacob/Isaac analogy. Jack's tattoo? Who cares?
5. I've about had it with new characters (hence the Harlem Globetrotter reference). OK. Who's on the parachute? Is it someone Penny sent? Is she related to the chess players? Can we see more of Penny? How did Penny know to have the chess players looking for magnetic duisturbances? Can we please see more of Penny?
OK. That's some of it. While I was scouring Lostpedia to get some background for this post, I remembered that I really do like this show, and I really am going to stick it out to find out what the hell is going on. My belief at this point is that the Hanso foundation is working on time travel - it would explain Desmond, it would explain how they could make Locke's dad appear, it would explain...well it would raise a lot more questions than it would answer. But whatever. Just so long as it's interesting.
Posted by Michael at 01:37 PM | Comments (2)
April 19, 2007
LostBlog 4/18/07
If the season finale involves the Harlem Globetrotters showing up on the island, I'm definitely giving up on this ridiculous show.
Posted by Michael at 12:53 AM | Comments (1)
March 26, 2007
Yeah, I Went There
Normally, I'd consider Mayor Menino to be his usual grandstanding self, not looking at the big picture, when he makes the media circuit after the most recent shooting in Boston. He's going after the people who held the party where the tragedy took place, and ordinarily I'd say he's barking up the wrong tree.
But don't forget that party-hosting isn't specifically allowable by any law or statute; in fact, in the case of Horovitz, Yauch and Diamond v. New York (1986) the Supreme Court affirmed the lower court's decision that the plaintiffs did indeed have to fight for their right to party.
(Yes, I recycled that joke from the Universal Hub thread)
Posted by Michael at 03:11 PM | Comments (1)
March 22, 2007
I Figured Out Lost
You know that cartoon Duck Amuck? It's maybe the most brilliant five minutes in world history - Daffy Duck keeps trying to keep up as the animator keeps erasing backgrounds, changing music, changing Daffy's appearance at whim. Nothing makes any sense, and at the end we find out it's Bugs Bunny, just screwing with him.
I'm pretty sure that's what's going on with Lost right now. I'm just not sure who's playing the role of Daffy. It might be that Ben=Bugs Bunny and the castaways=Daffy, but I have a sinking suspicion that Daffy=the viewers at home.
Posted by Michael at 09:07 AM | Comments (0)
March 15, 2007
This Will End Well
To comemmorate the 30th Anniversary of Star Wars, Lucasfilms and the U.S. Postal Service will wrap a few hundred mailboxes in selected cities to make them look like R2-D2.
How much you wanna bet these suckers are listed on Ebay 14 seconds after the installation guy rounds the corner?
Posted by Michael at 06:49 PM | Comments (1)
March 14, 2007
Music Industry to Music Fans: Drop Dead
Sooz and Exploit Boston! Radio are featured prominently* in a Globe article today about how a special Congressional panel decided to screw over indie Internet radio broadcasters and non-major-label artists by jacking up the royalty fees they pay.
What a great deal for the record industry - dry up the flow of those small payments being sent from small broadcasters to small bands, meaning that the only people who can afford to broadcast over the Web are huge companies who pay royalties directly to ASCAP and the RIAA, and don't have to deal with whiny freeloaders like the musicians who actually create the music. Especially ones who have the gall to not be signed to major labels.
This may go to the US Court of Appeals, who are probably receiving gifts of free packs of Shakira and Blink-182 CDs as we speak. After all, there's no reason for a nickel to change hands in this country without some billionaire getting a piece of it. What a fantastic country.
*CLARIFICATION: Sooz would like it noted for the record that the "couple of hundred songs" and "dozens of listeners" mentioned in the article are very-lowball figures. It's more like a couple hundred bands, and dozens of listeners every day. Go be one of those listeners.
Posted by Michael at 09:01 AM | Comments (2)
March 13, 2007
That Word Does Not Mean What You Think It Means
It doesn't really bother me that much that Ben Affleck is making a DVD aimed at teaching babies to be Red Sox fans. Whatever keeps Sum of All Fears II out of theaters, after all.
But don't give me this:
New dad Affleck, a Boston, Massachusetts native, is a die-hard Red Sox fan.
Die-hard? That explains why we always see him in the crowd at games against the Orioles and Devil Rays.
Donnie Wahlberg...there's a diehard fan. Every year he's at the Celtics-Clippers game in LA, he often flies up to Sacramento when the C's are there, and he'll join Mike and Tommy in the booth and talk intelligently and knowledgeably about the franchise.
Affleck sits in the front row of Sox-Yankee games with his starlet du jour, and once showed up in the booth and ripped Lou Merloni.
As George Carlin (as the hippie) said when Homer Simpsons dared Chief Wiggum to smash the hippies' heads open...this man does not represent us.
Posted by Michael at 01:41 PM | Comments (0)
Oblivious
How did I never see this connection before?!?
Posted by Michael at 01:00 AM | Comments (2)
February 21, 2007
The English Language In Its Terminal Phase
I like to think of myself as a calm, easygoing, non-serial-killer type of person. That being said, if you unironically use one of the following phrases in my presence:
- The Donald
- Brangelina/Bennifer/etc.
- "baby daddy",
I'll cut you. Don't think I'm kidding.
Posted by Michael at 02:47 PM | Comments (3)
February 12, 2007
There's A Little Black Spot on the Sun Today
Police show...in late July!
Tickets go on sale...next Tuesday!
Thanks for giving us a little advance time to put aside some money. Well, it was a nice idea for a week. Jerks.
Posted by Michael at 04:08 PM | Comments (0)
February 05, 2007
Tickets Please
There aren't too many concerts anymore that make me want to drop everything and go stand in line for tickets. However, if The Police play at Fenway this summer, all bets are off.
Posted by Michael at 02:05 PM | Comments (3)
February 02, 2007
Perspective
I realize that, in general, a nation under constant attacks from terrorists, under martial law, and with utter and total restriction on the media is a Bad Thing.
Then I watch three minutes of The Insider, and suddenly my bleak dystopia almost starts to look good.
Posted by Michael at 07:06 PM | Comments (0)
January 31, 2007
My Fan Fiction Salute to Today's Events
INT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
(Frylock is reading the newspaper with a look of alarm on his face)
FRYLOCK: Those crazy Mooninites have struck again!
MEATWAD: Damn, this gonna mean trouble for me.
(Frylock waves the newspaper)
FRYLOCK: They've shut down the entire city of Boston. Traffic's at a standstill, the National Guard has been called out...they've even nuked Revere as a precautionary measure!
MASTER SHAKE (doesn't look up from TV): Does this affect me? No. Do I care? No. Am I going to spend ONE second thinking about it after I finish this sentence?
FRYLOCK: We have to stop them!
MASTER SHAKE: Stop who?
EXT - SOUTHEAST EXPRESSWAY - DAY
(The Aqua Teens are in the car, stuck in traffic. Carl is driving)
FRYLOCK: Dammit! I never should have let you talk me into stopping at Foxwoods.
MASTER SHAKE: What can I say? Sometimes the feeling comes over me, baby! Trust the feeling!
CARL: What, there, the feeling to split threes when the dealer's got a king showing? 'Cuz that there's the kinda feeling you want to...y'know...ignore...
FRYLOCK: And now we're stuck in traffic.
MEATWAD: Maybe we should have taken Boston's efficient public transit system.
(silence)
MEATWAD: I hear they got a Silver Line now. With a classy name like that, it gots to be good.
EXT - LONGFELLOW BRIDGE - EVENING
(Traffic is in complete gridlock. Horns honking, some people have abandoned cars. Ignignokt and Err are dancing on the northbound lanes)
IGNIGNOKT: Do you see what we've done, Err? Just by showing our faces, we have shut this major metropolitan area into an absolute standtill.
ERR: Major metropolitan area my ass! YEAH!
IGNIGNOKT: We have conquered Foreigner, we have disintegrated Loverboy, and now our sights are set on Boston. Take that, holdouts of 70s album-oriented rock!
ERR: I got More Than A Feeling that you're goin' down bizzitch!
FRYLOCK (offscreen): Not so fast!
(The Aqua Teens come into the picture. Shake has a big Red Sox #1 foam finger and Meatwad is eating a pizza)
MEATWAD: We'd'a been here sooner but we saw one o'them Duck Tour boats. I thought our number was up when he drove into the river, but DAMN if that thing didn't float somehow.
FRYLOCK: You can't stay here. The people of this city deserve a calm and orderly commute.
IGNIGNOKT: Would you say they deserve...Peace of Mind?
FRYLOCK: Well, yeah, I --
(A huge flash of light. Suddenly there's shouting and commotion from all sides)
IGNIGNOKT: Well, there you have it. People living in competition.
FRYLOCK: You don't get another warning.
(Frylock shoots a laser beam, which Ignignokt dodges. An explosion is heard offscreen)
ERR: Way to go LOSER! You just made the Big Dig tunnel collapse!
FRYLOCK (puzzled): But I didn't even shoot in that direction.
SHAKE: Look, can we wrap this up? And soon? I'd like to go over to Hah-vahd, and **** up some smaht kids.
MEATWAD: I want to stay! I met some lady who works for Mayor Menino and she says maybe what I could give Mayor Menino some speak lessons.
FRYLOCK: No! This ends now!
IGNIGNOKT: It matter not. We're off to dance in the streets of Hyannis. Everybody's waiting. Gettin' ready. Anticipating.
ERR: But Boston ain't gonna forget us soon!
IGNIGNOKT: Yes, we won't soon be forgotten.
ERR: So long baby!
(Ignignokt and Err vanish off screen)
FRYLOCK: Oh, man, it's going to take weeks for everyone to get home now.
MEATWAD: Because of those mean moon men? I hate them.
FRYLOCK: No. Because it's Friday rush hour.
FIN
Posted by Michael at 07:36 PM | Comments (5)
January 29, 2007
Congratulations to Ben Stiller, Hasty Pudding Man of the Year
(Ben Stiller, winner of the 2007 Hasty Pudding Man of the Year, not pictured)
Posted by Michael at 11:05 PM | Comments (1)
You'd Better Change It Back Or We Will Both Be Sorry
The National Board of Preserving 80s Music has slapped Chips Ahoy with a $500,000 fine for their cringe-inducing use of The Human League's "Don't You Want Me" in the commercial with the singing cookies. This is believed to be the largest punishment for desecrating 80s and late-70s pop music; the previous largest fines had been for the use of Blondie's "Call Me" in a car commercial, Iggy Pop's "Lust For Life" to sell cruises, and Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" in an ad for Flomax.
Posted by Michael at 09:08 PM | Comments (5)
January 09, 2007
Out-Of-Context Simpsons Quote of the Week
"My marketing plan attracted a record number of police and fire officials. But few stayed to bowl." - Homer
Posted by Michael at 08:34 AM | Comments (0)
January 08, 2007
Never Shoulda Let Him Go
Bronson Arroyo may have been sent packing to the Midwest, but his heart is still in Boston. That, and the indie-rock scene in Cincinnati is still getting its act together. So the lanky ex-Sox hurler is coming back to rock the Roxy this weekend, and you can enter to win tickets from Exploit Boston! Hurry; entries are due Wednesday at noon.
Posted by Michael at 07:58 PM | Comments (0)
December 17, 2006
You
TIME Magazine really named "You" the Person of the Year? Seriously? Really? YOU?!?!
Here were the finalists:
Posted by Michael at 01:17 AM | Comments (1)
December 12, 2006
The BunkoSquad Commercial Roundup
THUMBS UP: BMW commercial where the kid unwraps his new robot(?) and starts screaming his head off, with his little sister joining in. Just makes me smile every time I see it.
THUMBS DOWN: The Visa Check Card commercial where the guy paying cash brings the whole Busby Berkley production to a screeching halt. I must be cursed, because I've never ever ever been behind someone paying with a debit card who didn't have some problem with the reader or the PIN entry or something. It's a sandwich. It's six bucks. Carry a few bills around.
THUMBS UP: I'm a Mac/I'm a PC. I've heard a rumor that Apple is thinking about getting rid of John Hodgman, because he's so hilarious and endearing as the PC that it makes it look like the PC's a better choice. Anyone else heard this rumor?
THUMBS DOWN: Dunkin' Donuts "Maybe It's Fratalian". My anti-Dunkies bias has been well chronicled in this space, but I actually kind of liked the latest round of ads. "Doin' Things Is What I Like To Do". "KARATE!" "Alarm Clock Catastrophe".
But this "Fratalian" ad is pathetic. First of all, the premise, that people are confused and frightened by these strange new words to describe coffee beverages. Yeah, there's some new place called Starbucks that might be opening a store in the Boston area soon; better launch a preemptive strike!!
Seriously. People in Saskatchewan, people in Amarillo, even people in Rhode Island, knew what cappuccinos and cafes au lait were back in 1997.
Second, John Goodman. How the mighty have fallen from the greatest roles in movie history. Hope they're paying you in Munchkins, big guy.
Third, the way Goodman sneers out "you order in English". Good strategy. Act like you're the beverage purveyor of choice for people who can't be bothered to learn a new word or broaden their horizons somewhat. And what's more, NO ONE WHO WORKS IN DUNKIN' DONUTS HAS ENGLISH AS THEIR FIRST LANGUAGE. At least in any of the Dunkie's I've had no choice but to go into in the last few years. If I have to pantomime to get a damn honey-glazed, please teach me how to say it in your native tongue so we don't have to go through this again next time.
UPDATE: Half an hour after this posted, I was unfortunately reminded about those Citibank commercials with the loud Russian guy. Thumbs down. Wery wery far down.
Posted by Michael at 08:28 PM | Comments (6)
November 19, 2006
Alarm Clock Catastrophe
Now that the song's in your head too, can anyone help me out and tell me what Taxicab Lady is holding in her left hand?
Posted by Michael at 12:54 PM | Comments (7)
November 05, 2006
This Is Our Country
We're 15 minutes into the Patriots-Oysters game, and all I have to say at the moment is this: I will never buy a Chevy or a John Mellencamp album for as long as I live.
Posted by Michael at 08:34 PM | Comments (0)
October 11, 2006
Lost: What They Did vs. What I Would Have Done
Skip this one if you're not up for hearing some Lost plot developments.
1. SCENE: Sun's dad (in flashback) walks in on her and Baldy.
WHAT THEY DID: Sat there stunned.
WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE: Well, deadbolt the door in the first place, for one thing.
2. SCENE: Sayid suggests sailing up to the "abandoned" dock, saying "of course it's safe".
WHAT JIN DID: Sailed up to the dock.
WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE: Realized that 40% of the human race's last words involved some variation of "Of course it's safe", and high-sailed it away from the place.
3. SCENE: Sawyer's been warned about the punishment for slacking off while breaking rocks in the hot sun, and tasered several times. But Kate's bending over a lot, and the sweat's making her dress awfully clingy.
WHAT SAWYER DID: Leaned on the shovel, and stared at Kate's butt for a few minutes.
WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE: Can't top that, really.
4. SCENE: Sawyer's got the rifle, Kate's got Blondie's gun pointed right at her.
WHAT KATE DID: Nothing. Just stood there and watched Sawyer surrender his advantage.
WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE: Figured that at worst, The Others were going to work me to death or kill me in some other horrible way. And at best, they're just a bunch of dead-eyed suburbanites who are having a picnic while I'm doing their slave labor, and watching Sawyer mow them down is probably worth my life.
5. SCENE: The lady in the boat tells Sun that she's not an enemy, and that shooting her will only make them enemies.
WHAT SUN DID: Shot her.
WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE: Asked for some no-nonsense, non-cryptic, no-bullcrap explanation of the previous statement. Said something to the effect of "With friends like five armed frogmen climbing onto my boat, who needs enemies?" Probably shoot her.
6. SCENE: Henry/Ben shows the 2004 World Series' final groundout to Jack as proof that The Others have contact with the outside world.
WHAT JACK DID: Considered Henry/Ben's offer.
WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE: "Henry/Ben, I will cooperate with you. But not until I've watched every second of those 2,110 minutes on the 12-DVD set."
Posted by Michael at 10:20 PM | Comments (0)
May 24, 2006
The Lost Finale
OK...I watched it...every second...very attentively.
Now could someone tell me what the hell happened?!?
Posted by Michael at 11:22 PM | Comments (5)
April 19, 2006
IMDB
I've always thought it would be cool to have an IMDB page. But my goals have changed somewhat; I now want to have a better IMDB resume than Anne Sellors.
Posted by Michael at 09:52 AM | Comments (0)
April 12, 2006
Lost in My Own World
As regular readers of this space know, I'm often the last to the party when it comes to pop culture phenomena. Two years passed between the first time I heard the phrase, "You'd really like Aqua Teen Hunger Force" and my first viewing. (Three days passed between my first viewing and my relentless overquoting of the "Universal Remonster" episode, but that's another story.) The Family Guy and Arrested Development bandwagons had left the station long before I tried to jump aboard. (I don't have a Nielsen box, so don't blame me for their demise.)
What does this have to do with anything?
Thursday night, I was in the video store, trying to keep myself from renting Apocalypse Now and thus having to finish my Mr. Smith review, when it crossed my mind to think, "I should finally give the Lost DVDs a try."
So I've been watching Lost. And if I didn't need a paycheck and occasional Mountain Dew injections, I may well have been watching Lost nonstop since Thursday night. It's that freaking good.
Remind me of this next time something great comes along. I'm trying to cut my slack time down to 2 months.
Posted by Michael at 01:04 AM | Comments (6)
February 16, 2006
Halle Berry
Harvard's Hasty Pudding Theater Club had its Woman of the Year party/parade through Harvard Square today. I got a vantage point from my boss' fourth-floor balcony; you can see the pictures on Flickr.
Bonus Trivia Question. 14 years ago (gulp), my first-ever published column appeared in my high school paper. Adam Cook and I spent a day in Cambridge trying to find out what we could about Hasty Pudding. What key fact did we learn? The first person to answer correctly gets to see X-Men 3 this summer, on my nickel. Preferably with me, but I could Paypal you 9 bucks if you're out of town (or if you're Adam, who's disappeared off the face of the Earth somewhere in Kansas). Leave your guess in comments. If no one gets it right, the funniest guess will win, but we'll go see the movie at a second-run theater.
Posted by Michael at 07:08 PM | Comments (3)
January 30, 2006
Baseball and the Simpsons
Every year, I think about doing an NBA preview in which I assign each team a Smiths/Morrissey song to sum up their preseason. This year, I got as far as "Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before" for the Celtics and "There's A Place In Hell For Me And My Friends" for Portland, but ran out of steam.
But someone with follow-through (Dan McCarthy on Barstool Sports) has gone one better, and compared each Major League Baseball franchise to a Simpsons character. It's really good reading, with stuff like this:
Cincinnati Reds - Principal Seymour Skinner - Spent much of their existence under the hand of a domineering, insane woman who was impossible to please (Agnes Skinner, Marge Schott). Possessors of a dirty little secret that they would rather sweep under the rug (Skinner's true identity of Armand Tamzarian, Pete Rose). Their lives were given meaning in the '70s (Vietnam, the Big Red Machine) but now all they have to escape the monotony of their everyday existence is the flashbacks.
I really like the entries for the Dodgers and the Cubs, among others. Go take a look.
Posted by Michael at 11:02 PM | Comments (1)
January 06, 2006
Such A Good Idea, It'll Never Ever Ever Happen
Hear this?
(inhale.....exhale.....inhale....exhale)
That's the sound of me pointedly not holding my breath about this idea, touted in Thursday's Globe, about a la carte cable TV. The idea is that we all have 14,500 channels, 14,480 of which we never watch, and we should be able to pick and choose which channels we receive and pay for.
Yeah, that'll happen. Cable companies are all about freedom of choice and saving customers money. But just in case America is unexpectedly hit by a common sense bomb, I've got to start thinking about which channels I want to keep and which ones I want to axe.
Religious channels. We liberals have successfully kicked God out of public schools and Nativity scenes out of public view; why do I need six or seven preachers preaching fire and brimstone at me while I'm trying to flip to the Nuggets/Mavs game?
TNT. Keep it. The greatest thing about America in the 21st Century is the fact that TNT somehow manages to show 37 Law & Order episodes in 24 hours.
Independent Film Channel. I honestly don't even know if I have this; if I do, it's somewhere in the 500s and my remote-control-flipping finger doesn't have that kind of stamina. I'd like it, though. It would save me from having to watch any of the movies I've sworn to watch and review.
Fox News. You might be surprised, but I'd keep it. I've never bought ipecac syrup in my life -- never needed it, thanks to Bill O'Reilly -- and I'd like to keep it that way.
MTV. I'm sorry that all I can do is make references to fictional mobsters. Really. But I'd hate for the end of my 20-year love/ hate/ love/ hate-with-the-fire-of-a-thousand-burning-suns relationship with MTV to end with me just checking off a little box on a little form. I want to take MTV out to my boat, like everything's cool. I want to confront MTV and tell it I know what it's done to me. I want MTV to blubber for its life for a few minutes, to promise me that it will never happen again, and we can go back to the way it was in the old days, with Martha Quinn and Duran Duran and cheesy game shows and the Thompson Twins. I want all this to happen, and then I want to empty my .357 Magnum into MTV's black, treasonous heart.
Posted by Michael at 12:58 AM | Comments (0)
June 19, 2005
Tom Petty Concert Review
Short review: It was awesome. Petty's always been one of my favorite artists, but I'd never seen him live until Saturday night. And I wasn't a bit disappointed.
Longer review is up at Exploit Boston. Sooz has some terrific photos as well. I'll be doing a lot of event listings and reviews for EB; if anyone reading this is involved in, or knows about, cool happenings around town, forward them to me or straight to EB!.
Posted by Michael at 11:37 PM | Comments (0)
May 16, 2005
Everybody Loves Top-Ten Lists
With the passing of Everybody Loves Raymond into that great void of "TV Shows Which Will Apparently Be Widely Missed Even Though Virtually No One I Know Admitted To Ever Watching One Or Two Episodes" (the genre spearheaded by Friends), it's time to rank BunkoSquad's Top Ten Sitcoms Of All Time:
(bonus challenge points, no animated shows, like there was any doubt which was #1)
(extra bonus challenge points: I have to name my favorite episode)
1. Seinfeld. Best episode: the two-parter where Jerry befriends Keith Hernandez.
2. Cheers. Best: Hourlong episode with Woody and Kelly's wedding.
3. Newhart. (I maintain that when it comes out on DVD, I'm taking a day off) Best: When Dick hires Larry, Darryl and Darryl to exhume a witch buried in the inn's basement.
4. Black Adder. Shame there are only 24 episodes. Best: Prince George agrees to patronize Samuel Johnson's Dictionary.
5. The John Laroquette Show. Possibly the most underrated sitcom ever. Best: John wins an electric car and finds himself leading a radical Basque separarist group.
6. The Bob Newhart Show. Best: Bob and the guys get drunk and order Chinese takeout.
7. Taxi. Best: The gang encourages ex-hippie Reverend Jim to apply for a cabbie job. Hands down, the funniest half-hour in TV history.
8. Green Acres. Say what you want; this show consistently delivered the goods. Best episode: Arnold Ziffel Drobney the Duck swims to France.
9. Police Squad! A total shame it only lasted 6 episodes (but spawned 3 movies). Best: Frank poses as a locksmith to bust up a protection racket.
10. Mr. Belvedere. Best: George takes over as anchorman at the TV station.
As always, your mileage may vary.
Posted by Michael at 08:17 PM | Comments (3)
May 13, 2005
Stoooooooo-Pid
Another note on the Huffing-The-Vapors-Of-Our-Own-Fabulousness-ton Post. Someday blogging may be considered as passe as disco or the grunge look. And someday your kids may ask, "What led to the downfall of blogging, and perhaps the whole Internet? Was there an exact moment when the pseudocelebrity-blog revolution collapsed under the weight of its own vapidity?"
$10.00 says the words Greg Gutfeld will appear somewhere in your answer.
Posted by Michael at 03:18 PM | Comments (1)
May 12, 2005
I'm In A Select Group
To see what all the fuss is about, I went over to check out the group blog on Arianna Huffington's new website. Because what I've always thought is this: "I like the fact that everyone has a voice on the Internet, but I really feel there's an underrepresentation of B-to-C list celebrities -- the kind of people who if you said 'I saw _____ at the airport', I'd go 'Hmmm', unsure of what I'm supposed to think."
I scanned a little bit, and found it's about the same ratio of thought-provoking stuff versus narcissistic preening as you'll find here on BunkoSquad. About 30/70, in other words.
But I was delighted to find I'm in a very small and select group - I am one of the 15 blogs in America not listed on their blogroll! My "too-hip-for-you" cred is gaining traction by the hour.
UPDATE! Greg at The Talent Show crunches some numbers about the Huffington Post.
Posted by Michael at 02:04 PM | Comments (2)
May 03, 2005
Shame On You, Gwen
One of the truths we learned in our recent road trip, along with "pick up and use those free hotel coupon books you get at Interstate rest areas" is "never turn off your CD player and check the radio".
Because the radio is, to be blunt, horrible. We heard 50's "Candy Shop" a couple of times (bad enough), but also a song so bad - so awfully, awfully bad - that we were just captivated by the sheer horror, and actually thought that it was a joke. Maybe some latter-day Weird Al had come along and recorded a tune so preposterously ludicrous as to skewer the entire crap-hop genre.
Sadly, no. The song is "Holla Back Girl" by Gwen Stefani. And it has zoomed past "Macarthur Park" and "Jenny From the Block" to claim the coveted Worst Song Ever Recorded honor from this space.
You knew Gwen's career was going to crash and burn eventually. Her cover of "It's My Life" was writing on the wall, writing large enough to see from three counties over. But there was always the assumption that her downward spiral into total irrelevance would be slow and gentle, and might include the phrase "appearing in next month's Playboy" somewhere along the line. But this is jump-the-shark-and-into-a-damn-brick-wall time. And if it's real then I don't want to knooooooow.....
Posted by Michael at 10:52 PM | Comments (0)
March 25, 2005
Song Beginnings: An Unscientific List
Inspired by Jen's post: my five favorite beginning to songs. She seemed to mostly go with first lines; mine seem to be opening chords or instrumental beginnings that let you know you're in for a musical treat.
In no particular order:
1. "Round Here", Counting Crows. The fact the music doesn't start until about 15 seconds into the track. The quiet guitar. The first line: "Step out the front door like a ghost into a fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white."
2. "Orange Crush", REM. when in doubt, start with some fast drumming.
3. "Won't Get Fooled Again", The Who. Drums and keyboard, setting the stage for eight minutes of maybe my favorite pure rock song of all time.
4. "Cherub Rock", Smashing Pumpking. Speaking of opening drumrolls...
5. "Yellow Ledbetter", Pearl Jam. Picture it, Hartford, 1996. First time ever seeing my favorite band (it was a limited run of dates -- the 'FU, Ticketmaster' tour). Concert ends. Encore ends. we stay behind, not wanting to leave. The band comes back out and plays this song. Unbelievable.
I reserve the right to heavily edit and change this list as more stuff comes to me.
Posted by Michael at 08:30 PM | Comments (5)
January 23, 2005
Johnny
When I was a kid, there were only two nights a year I was guaranteed to be allowed to stay up really late: New Year's Eve and the baseball All-Star Game. But once in a while, if I was particularly good (trust me; it wasn't often) or something else was going on, I'd find myself awake after 11:30.
One such occasion - I must have been 10 or 11 - I was up late Saturday, turned on the TV...and was heartbroken that some stupid show called "Saturday Night Live" (again, trust me; it was stupid in 1984) was on instead of Johnny.
I'm too young to have seen Johnny's glory days. But I remember the visits from Joan Embry, vaguely remember Carnac, and I know what do do if you're ever driving on the Slauson Cutoff.
We'll miss ya, Johnny.
Posted by Michael at 03:38 PM | Comments (1)
June 04, 2004
A Good Music List, For Once
I love lists; I hate lists. But for some reason, music lists stick in my craw more than any other. I bit my tongue and held off from commenting on some stupid magazine's list of the worst songs ever that tabbed "We Built This City" -- one of my many many guilty 80s pleasures -- as the worst ever.
But this list nails it. It's the 50 Coolest Song Parts of all time, with links to mp3 clips of the cool song parts in question (admittedly, most of the clips sound like they're being played underwater, but you get the idea). The top 5 are undeniable:
1. The drums kicking in on "In the Air Tonight";
2. Roger Daltrey's primal scream in "Won't Get Fooled Again";
3. The opening riff to "Barracuda";
4. "Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me....";
5. "My name is Sue! How do you do! Now you gonna die!".
I don't totally agree with the rest of the list, of course (like, hello? Where's the opening riff to "Welcome to the Jungle"?), but it's a valiant and pretty comprehensive effort. Plus it links to VikingKitten. Well done.
Posted by Michael at 11:18 PM | Comments (2)
May 16, 2004
I Just Hope Kennedy's Not Involved
Sooz talked me into going out to see the phenomenally-underrated Lloyd Cole at the Paradise Lounge last night; it was an acoustic show in a tiny room that wasn't nearly full enough, and thus was one of the ten best concerts I've ever been to.
Since the show started really late, we also got to have a great conversation with two Emerson professors about life, music, the evil that is Clear Channel, etc. And towards the end of the night, we all came up with a thought that's equally fascinating and terrifying...
In 20 years, will there be an alternative-rock version of Branson?
The possibilities boggle the mind. Bjork and Morrissey and Weezer could all settle in to their own theaters. Beck could stop by and do a few weeks a year. Michael Stipe's BBQ-tofu joint. The Cure Waterslide Park. Middle-aging hipsters can head south for a week every winter (I'm assuming it would end up being somewhere near Athens or Austin) and watch the Red Hot Chili Peppers do three shows a night.
Like I said...fascinating but terrifying. Please leave any suggestions to further terrify me in the Comments.
Posted by Michael at 07:55 PM | Comments (1)
February 02, 2004
Superbowl
24 hours later, I'm going to shamelessly rip off Peter King, and present my 10 Things I Think I Think about the big game.
1. I think I think that being a Patriots fan has become a heady mix of euphoria and determination. In their 15-game streak, they only really blew out one team: a Buffalo squad checking their watches and tee times the last game of the season. So there's never a moment when you can truly breathe easy, but you also know - way back in the back of your head - that Belichick and Brady will figure out a way to pull it out.
2. I think I think the Pats are as close to a dynasty as anyone may ever get again in the NFL. Look at their roster and find one area that needs obvious improvement. Defense? Not a chance. Receivers? Above average, and with a quarterback that can make the most of them. O-line? Perhaps. Kicking? Please; despite his first half, if an invasion from Neptune could only be staved off with a 50-yard field goal, you know you want Vinatieri out there to save the planet.
The only immediate issues are a more consistent running game (Antowain Smith's getting a little old, and Kevin Faulk's never had that breakout I expected) and punting (egads). They've got draft picks and cap room; they've also got, I'm now convinced, absolute geniuses running the show.
3. I think I think that if I were in Vegas now, I'd probably play it safe and bet on a Pats-Panthers rematch next year. These are two solid teams.
4. I think that the Panthers' uniforms look very dated (teal is so 1997), but look ten times worse on their punter. Todd Sauerbrun looked like he showed up in his pajamas.
5. I think I think I'm officially out of touch with pop culture:
5a. I still expect that when I hear the words "2-time Grammy winner", I will at least have heard of the person in question. Until Josh Groban came out and sang that NASA song. I wandered into the room just in time to wonder why Doctor Who was out there. I've been informed by someone more in the know that Groban is like "Kenny G with lyrics". Good to know.
5b. I think I think that I'm apparently out of touch enough to think that Justin Timberlake hardly qualifies as a "suprise special guest." Come on. Doesn't he always turn up at stuff like this? To me, a special surprise guest would be Lou Reed or a reunion of the Talking Heads. Not some overproduced lip-syncher who can't understand that to get back in the spotlight, you actually have to leave it at some point!
6. Unfortunately, I think I now have to segue into talking about America's Most Famous Nipple. I mean. Come on. Scandal, controversy, outrage, panic - the script of the last 24 hours could have been written by computer, and American fell for it. Everyone involved knew it was going to happen. This shock and outrage is just pitiful. (For a better summary, check The Fat Guy's take on it.)
That said, if I were President, and not above using a national crisis (which, apparently, this is) to ram through questionable legislation, here's what I'd do:
Tough choices, I know, but they need to be made.
A.) Punish the networks involved. Viacom should be forced to sell CBS off for having the audacity to show a nipple on-air for 0.3 seconds. Anyone currently working at MTV will be indefinitely held under the Patriot Act, and the channel will revert to playing exactly what it played in 1986.
(UPDATE: That's not even accounting for the commercials. CBS thought MoveOn's ad was inappropriate for a national audience, but commercials about kids swearing and horses farting weren't. You go, Tiffany network. You go soon.
B.) Punish the performers not directly involved. Kid Rock should be held for wearing an American flag shirt (and for not even pretending not to lip-synch) and Puffy should be held for wearing a Panthers jersey.
C.) Punish the performers directly involved. Maybe we can send Justin into space after all; the Mars rover looks like it may need a permanent caretaker. And, just to be safe, Janet Jackson's entire family should be sent to Mars with him. Toby Keith, too.
7. I think I think that since Peter King talks about Starbucks every week, now's a good time to give an emphatic thumbs-up to their hot vanilla creme drink. Mmmmm.
8. I think I think that, although I'll still religiously read him and undoubtedly laugh a lot, I liked Bill Simmons better when he was just the Sports Guy. He's now becoming the Half-Sports-Guy/Half-Uber-Guy's-Guy, and while it's OK to have a column that's 15,000 words about sports and 15,000 words about his celebrity poker game, I miss the days of the regular "30,000 words about sports" columns.
9. I think I think we up here in Boston had better cherish the Pats' win. The Bruins are nondescript, the C's look like they're edging into "San Antonio 1996 tank job" mode, and I refuse to let myself get emotionally involved with the Sox until August (yeah, that'll last).
10. I think I think I'm very impressed that Peter King can come up with 10 of these every week.
Posted by Michael at 10:39 PM | Comments (2)