All Entries Related to "Sports"
November 15, 2007
Help A Brother Out
If you're around tonight and have no plans,
1.) Watch the Bruins/Leafs game if it's on in your local area.
2.) Check in on my live-blog at BostonNOW (here's my page there, which is where the live-blog will live starting 7:00ish), live from the Garden.
3.) Comment, especially if you have wonderful things to say.
Thank you in advance.
Posted by Michael at 11:50 AM | Comments (1)
June 13, 2007
Best Idea I've Read All Week
The SportsFrog has a hell of an idea for the NBA Finals:
Or, perhaps, ABC might be prevailed upon to simply take the screen to black shortly after tip-off on Thursday night and start rolling credits four seconds later. Then people can still hold onto the hope that Lebron might do something marvelous and make the series worth watching. Better than the reality, at that point.
Posted by Michael at 09:00 AM | Comments (0)
May 30, 2007
Jane Heller Loves You When You Win
Jane Heller, in Sunday's NY Times:
As for the Yankees, if they suddenly start winning and somehow become not only the American League champions this season but the World Series champions, I will take that as a sign that they want me back and I will give them serious consideration. But as of right now, we are over. I am not that into them anymore.
Whether or not this attitude is deplorable isn't even up for debate. But do we read this as (a) the true feeling of 90% of Yankee fans, who are self-professed diehards inasmuch as they never have to actually die; or (b) the setting back 30 years of the female sports fan. Now, I don't think it's (b), as I know more than a handful of female sports fans, and they wouldn't bail out on a team after one crappy spring, let alone write about it in a national newspaper. You know, I bet Heller wears (well, wore) a pink hat.
In related news, we've got the BunkoSquad LiveCam back up, with real-time pictures of the Yankee bandwagon!
Posted by Michael at 09:11 AM | Comments (2)
A Developing Situation
Award-winning sportswriter Dan Shaughnessy goes BEYOND THE HEADLINES today. Using his unmatched skill at putting two and two together, he discovers something you may not be aware of - the Red Sox are playing really well right now. That's the kind of analysis that sails right over the heads of laymen and bloggers.
Incidentally, if Fenway isn't ringing with chants of "Where's Roger? - clap clap, clapclapclap" from 7:00 Friday until 11 PM Sunday, folks ought to think about turning in their tickets.
Posted by Michael at 08:34 AM | Comments (0)
April 21, 2007
33
Apropos of...well, you know...I've prepared a little tribute to pro athletes who have had the number 33 retired by various teams. Let's take a look, in ascending order of awesomeness. This, not being a term paper, is liberally cribbed from Wikipedia and other Internet sources.
Stone Johnson, Kansas City Chiefs. Poor Stone never actually took the field in a real game. The Grambling star and Olympic sprinter was playing a 1963 preseason game in Kansas when he suffered a spinal injury that killed him ten days later. The Chiefs have had to retire more than their fair share of numbers due to tragedy; running back Mack Lee Hill died during knee surgery during the 1965 season, and Joe Delaney died while trying to save a bunch of drowning kids in 1983. If you guessed that Stone Johnson's fatal injury came against the Raiders, you're a true student of the game. | |
 | Alvan Adams, Phoenix Suns. The Oklahoma Kid won the 1976 Rookie of the Year award for a season where he helped lift the Suns from irrelevancy to the NBA Finals. He had 20 points in what pretty much everyone considers the greatest game in NBA history. Adams averaged 14 points and 7 rebounds over 13 seasons, all in Phoenix. |
 | Mike Scott, Houston Astros. There aren't too many players who I utterly and totally identify with one team and one season. But if you mention Mike Scott, I immediately think "'86 Astros". That's the year Mike no-hit the Giants, went 18-10 with a 2.22 ERA and 306(!) strikeouts, almost singlehandedly put Houston in the World Series (which would have completely altered the course of my life as a Red Sox fan, for better or...well, it couldn't have gone any worse), and put the split-finger fastball on the map. Oh, and he won the Cy Young Award, no big surprise there. I always thought of Scott as a one-year wonder, but he put up some solid numbers for the rest of the decade, winning 20 games in 1989. |
 | Sammy Baugh, Washington Redskins. The first superstar quarterback. "Slingin' Sammy" is the only player who's led the NFL in an offensive, defensive, and special teams category (he played in the 2-way days). As a rookie in 1937, he led the Redskins to the NFL title, throwing for 335 yards in the championship game at Wrigley Field(!). Statistically, his best season was 1945, when he threw for 1669 yards with a 70.3% completion rate. The Skins would have won that championship too, probably, except Sammy got hurt in the title game and Cleveland won instead. The black spots on Sammy's record are (1) he still shares the record for 4 interceptions in one game, and (2) he was the starting QB on the wrong end of the biggest massacre in league history. |
 | David Thompson, Denver Nuggets. This is the guy Michael Jordan looked up to as a kid. An athletic prodigy at NC State, Thompson was the #1 pick in the 1975 draft of both the ABA and the NBA. While making up his mind, Thompson was treated by the Atlanta Hawks with a gourmet meal at McDonalds; he went to Denver in the ABA. He finished second to Dr. J in the first ever slam dunk contest, but Thompson's dunks were legendary (he "invented" the alley-oop at NC State), and helped him average 20 PPG over six years. Then, sadly, David got hooked on drugs (it was the late-70s NBA, after all) and never was quite the same. Let that be a lesson to you future Michael Jordans out there. |
 | Patrick Roy, Colorado Avalanche. Four Stanley Cups (2 with Montreal, 2 with Colorado). Most career wins of any goalie. Three Conn Smythe trophies and three Vezina trophies. Patrick would have been a lifelong Canadien, but his feud with coach Mario Tremblay (Roy reportedly laughed when Tremblay walked into the clubhouse as coach for the first time; I hope it was one of those hearty "Ho Ho" French Canadian laughs) became too much to bear, and the Habs shipped him out west in what's become known as "Le Trade". I love French Canadians. With the Avs, Roy responded to some trashtalking by Jeremy Roenick (my personal Sega NHL god among men) by saying, "I can't hear what Jeremy says, because I've got my two Stanley Cup rings plugging my ear." He won two more in Colorado, but history doesn't relate where he stuck them. |
 | Patrick Ewing, New York Knicks. From Cambridge Rindge and Latin to Georgetown to the Knicks (and then to Seattle and Orlando, but the less said about that, the better), one of the most solid big men in NBA history. Ewing won an NCAA title with the Hoyas, then wound up as the obvious #1 pick in the '85 draft, which was astonishingly won by New York. Ewing played 15 years with the Knicks, but never got a ring, as the Bulls seemed to be in their way every year. The one Finals he did play in, in 1994, he played his heart out, but John Starks' screwups (which still bring a smile to my face) cost the Knicks the series. I'll remember Patrick best for the fact that he started sweating profusely the moment he took off his warmups. The video from his retirement ceremony pretty much sums up the love and respect Patrick earned in New York City. |
 | Eddie Murray, Baltimore Orioles. I think Eddie spent a year with every team in the Majors, but it's the early years in Baltimore that Eddie will be remembered for. The AL Rookie of the Year in '77, Eddie quickly got a reputation as one of the most feared hitters in the game. He's one of four members of the 3,000/500 Club. And check out those stats; the name "Steady Eddie" doesn't even come close to describing how consistently good his performance was. Unfortunately, he never quite seemed to get his due; some early things said about him in the press rankled him, and he never really got along with the media. The Baltimore Sun has a number of old articles that really go into depth about how the public gruff Eddie was not the same as the man that teammates and friends recall as warm, funny and caring. Really interesting reading. |
 | Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Bucks and Lakers. The only player on this list to have his number retired by two teams, Kareem's longevity and versatility are astounding. At UCLA, he was so dominant that the powers-that-be instituted the "Lew Alcindor" rule forbidding dunking. His conversion to Islam and name change led to him being traded from Milwaukee to L.A., where he felt he'd fit in better. With L.A., he won five rings (to go with one from the Bucks), re-patented the sky hook, and scored more points than anyone in the league before or since. His farewell tour during the 89-90 season brought him gifts and standing ovations in every city he played in. He had a brief stint as an airline pilot, cut short due to food poisoning. He coaches basketball at an Apache Indian Reservation in Arizona. And if you think he was a soft player, one of the knocks on him all along, you try dragging Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes. |
 | Honus Wagner, Pittsburgh Pirates. True, Wagner played before players wore uniform numbers. But when Honus managed the Pirates, he wore #33, which was good enough for the Bucs to use when honoring the greatest shortstop in baseball history. "The Flying Dutchman" had a career batting average of .327, and regularly led the National League in RBIs, doubles, total bases, and steals. Of course, he's most famous for the T-206 card, which was, according to legend, pulled from the presses when Honus objected to being linked to tobacco products. One of the handful still in existence just sold for $2.35 million. |
 | Larry Bird, Boston Celtics.Some stories.
|
Join us next year at this time, when our guests will include Charles Barkley, Earl Campbell, and Rollie Fingers.
Posted by Michael at 12:01 AM | Comments (4)
March 29, 2007
Daisuke Can Win Games All By Himself
Dan Shaughnessy gave us something to look forward to yesterday:
The result of all this [what 'this' is isn't worth getting excited about; trust me] will be a five-day frenzy of Dice-K speculation on two continents. Is he hurt? Is he frustrated? Is he a diva? Is he physically and mentally prepared for his first big league start next Friday in Kansas City?
The problem with this is that the rest of the Red Sox are scheduled to be in Arlington, Texas, on Friday.
Will Daisuke be traded to Detroit by next week? (I used the Internet to check the Royals' schedule, but then again I'm a basement-dwelling loser who uses the Internet to look stuff up, and not some hotshot sportswriter.) Or is he planning to beat Kansas City all by himself? Is the Japanese concept of ronin, the masterless samurai, still alive and well?
Or did Shaughnessy just eff up?
Posted by Michael at 09:46 AM | Comments (4)
March 23, 2007
You Provide the Content: Baseball Music
So Jon and I have decided we need to start a letter-writing campaign to make Soul Coughing's "Super Bon Bon" the official song they play at Fenway when Papelbon comes in from the bullpen.
So I'll throw this out to the panel: what's your walk-up song? What do you want to hear the PA blaring when you come up to bat or out of the 'pen?
I'll throw a few of mine out: "The Mountain Song" by Jane's Addiction; "Waiting Room" by Fugazi; "Lounge Fly" by Stone Temple Pilots (even if it was used for MTV News); or "Go" by Pearl Jam.
Your turn; maybe we can at least come up with something to help David Wright.
Posted by Michael at 10:50 AM | Comments (3)
March 20, 2007
Forgettable All-Stars of the 80s and 90s
As part of my day on Our Book Of Scrap, I've dusted off the much-beloved "Forgettable 80's All-Stars" from the ill-fated BunkoSquad SportsBlog, added pictures, updated the text, and expanded it through the 1990s. Here they are in all their Stillwellian glory.
Posted by Michael at 01:58 PM | Comments (0)
March 14, 2007
That's What I've Been Saying!
Hater Nation touches on something I've been saying for years; why does the 64/65 game to get into the NCAA Tournament have to be between the two champs of two lesser conferences? Why don't the last two teams to roll off the bubble have to fight it out? Why do the 6th-place teams in the Big 10 and ACC always get in, while schools like Niagara and Florida A&M (whose appearance in one actual tournament will be the most meaningful moment of these kids' lives) get a trip to Dayton, Ohio, for a game that no one watches?
Next brilliant idea: pick the field of 64 and assign the games totally randomly. Kansas-Florida in the first round? Holy Cross, Niagara, Texas-Corpus Christi and Eastern Kentucky in one group, with one guaranteed a trip to the Sweet Sixteen? Let's do it!
Posted by Michael at 08:40 AM | Comments (1)
March 13, 2007
NOOOOOOOOO!
Posted by Michael at 02:43 PM | Comments (0)
That Word Does Not Mean What You Think It Means
It doesn't really bother me that much that Ben Affleck is making a DVD aimed at teaching babies to be Red Sox fans. Whatever keeps Sum of All Fears II out of theaters, after all.
But don't give me this:
New dad Affleck, a Boston, Massachusetts native, is a die-hard Red Sox fan.
Die-hard? That explains why we always see him in the crowd at games against the Orioles and Devil Rays.
Donnie Wahlberg...there's a diehard fan. Every year he's at the Celtics-Clippers game in LA, he often flies up to Sacramento when the C's are there, and he'll join Mike and Tommy in the booth and talk intelligently and knowledgeably about the franchise.
Affleck sits in the front row of Sox-Yankee games with his starlet du jour, and once showed up in the booth and ripped Lou Merloni.
As George Carlin (as the hippie) said when Homer Simpsons dared Chief Wiggum to smash the hippies' heads open...this man does not represent us.
Posted by Michael at 01:41 PM | Comments (0)
March 11, 2007
I Didn't Win the Lottery Last Week
So I will not be making the following trip, even though I've concocted a schedule for the 16th straight season, pending a Mega Millions jackpot. If anyone has $10K lying around and wants to live vicariously through me, though, here's the itinerary:
- Sun 4/22 Yankees at Boston
- Tue 4/24 Colorado at NY Mets
- Wed 4/25 Toronto at NY Yankees
- Thu 4/26 Red Sox at Baltimore
- Fri 4/27 Florida at Philadelphia
- Sun 4/29 Reds at Pittsburgh
- Mon 4/30 Texas at Toronto
- Wed 5/ 2 Baltimore at Detroit
- Thu 5/ 3 Toronto at Cleveland
- Sat 5/ 5 Colorado at Cincinnati
- Tue 5/ 8 Pittsburgh at Cubs
- Wed 5/ 9 Washington at Milwaukee
- Fri 5/11 Detroit at Chicago Sox
- Sun 5/13 Detroit at Minnesota
- Thu 5/17 Angels at Seattle
- Sun 5/20 San Francisco at Oakland
- Tue 5/22 Houston at San Francisco
- Fri 5/25 Cubs at Dodgers
- Sat 5/26 Milwaukee at San Diego
- Tue 5/29 Seattle at Anaheim
- Tue 6/ 5 Giants at Arizona
- Sun 6/10 Brewers at Texas
- Tue 6/12 Oakland at Houston
- Fri 6/15 Tampa Bay at Colorado (are tickets available?)
- Sun 6/17 Florida at Kansas City
- Mon 6/18 Kansas City at St Louis
- Fri 6/22 Detroit at Atlanta
- Tue 6/26 White Sox at Tampa Bay
- Thu 6/28 Pittsburgh at Florida
- Mon 7/ 2 Cubs at Washington
Posted by Michael at 11:37 PM | Comments (2)
February 14, 2007
John Amaechi in ESPN Magazine
ESPN Magazine has a long article made up of excerpts from John Amaechi's book about being in the closet as an NBA player. It's definitely worth a read, and I'm definitely going to read the whole book. Two passages stood out:
...Plus, I had another convenient excuse: I'm English. It's an old phenomenon, dating back to the film stars of the '20s, when audiences would ask, Is he gay or is he British? Every time I did something eccentric, like bringing my fabulously flaming friends to games, people would quip, "Oh, he's just English. Leave him alone."
And:
Sometime after Christmas of my last Utah season, in 2002, [Andrei Kirilenko] instant-messaged an invitation to his New Year's Eve party. Then he wrote something that brought tears to my eyes: "Please come, John. You are welcome to bring your partner, if you have one, someone special to you. Who it is makes no difference to me."
Very interesting stuff. Don't expect to come out of it with a newfound respect for Utah coach Jerry Sloan, though.
Posted by Michael at 10:42 AM | Comments (1)
January 29, 2007
Dan Shaughnessy Remembers Where the Garden Is
Dan Shaughnessy, who wondered aloud on Friday why anyone bothers following the Celtics' miserable season, today wrote a column about the Celtics' miserable season. Proving there's no pigpile too high for Dan to jump on.
Now, there aren't a lot of people around who have said more unkind things about the C's this year than me, but I get into full circle-the-wagons mode when an outsider (yes, Dan) starts saying some of the same things I've been saying all along. Let's look at some of the highlights:
Boston plays in Indianapolis tomorrow night, then comes home to face the Lakers Wednesday and the Clippers Friday. If the Celtics drop the next two, they'll tie the franchise record for consecutive losses, which would put it all on the line Friday night against the Clips.
Some of us (read: me) even took the extra step of looking at the schedule to see when we might see the next win. I have the Valentine's Day tilt against Milwaukee penciled in as a "maybe" (which would break a potential 18-game plummet), but after that is a brutal Western trip, then a possible liferaft against the Knicks at the end of February. Any way you slice it, it's going to be a long winter.
Nobody seems bothered. Not even the fans. A robust 17,269 trekked to the basketball barn and most of them seemed happy with the show -- even the few who didn't go home with a free T-shirt shot out of a toy cannon.
"Happy with the show" makes it sound like we were all just there to have a good time and didn't care who won. Not true. There's a grey area, though between "hopeful to see a good game and maybe steal a win" and "let's all slit our wrists because this team sucks so much". It's easier to have a decent time when your expectations are nonexistent. To be fair to Dan, though, it's harder to judge the pulse of a fanbase when you only go to five games a year.
The Celtics have been playing without Paul Pierce since Dec. 21 (stress reaction, left foot), but there's little excuse for what we're seeing these days.
You say "little excuse"; I say "the entire team is under 25, their coach is befuddled by the concept of game management, and no one's confident enough to take the momentum-shifting shot." Excuses? No. Reasons? Yes.
...boilerplate history lesson...
But now there is little light. Executive director of basketball operations Danny Ainge has given us a team of overgrown kids who don't know how to win without Pierce.
Hmm. Sounds like what I said. If you look at the Celtics for what they realistically are - a very good college team playing an NBA schedule - there's a little more light.
And for the rest of the year they're going to play under a cloud of suspicion because of the long shadow cast by Ohio State 7-footer Greg Oden and Texas freshman Kevin Durant. Those two young men are expected to be the prizes of the 2007 draft and Boston's lose-to-win strategy could yield a franchise player.
Cloud of suspicion? When you've got Philly dumping Allen Iverson for loose change and ready to break the kneecaps of anyone who scores 25, when you've got Memphis trying to trade their one good player before they accidentally go on a winning streak (much more on this situation later), and when you've got the Knicks in tank mode (to be fair, Isiah may not realize he traded away his #1 pick), the Celtics don't look all that suspicious. They just don't look that good.
They are spiraling toward Secaucus with their sights set on Oden and Durant, and no one seems too upset about any of it.
Sorry, Dan. My next game's against Miami next week; I'll be sure to wear the sackcloth so you don't accidentally think I'm not full of woe.
Posted by Michael at 08:08 AM | Comments (1)
January 27, 2007
SuperBowl XLI Preview
I meant to file this report from Monon, White County, Indiana, exactly halfway between Chicago and Indianapolis, but quickly realized that would be stupid. But since the record shows that I called SuperBowl XL as a 24-17 Steelers win (actual final score: 21-10), let's go back and look at the intangibles for Sunday's matchup.
Sports Suffering. Chicago, in my lifetime, has a Superbowl win, six NBA titles, and finally, a World Series title. Indiana has one NBA Finals appearance and maybe some college sports championships. I guess even two 90+ year baseball droughts is better than, literally, nothing. Advantage: Indianapolis.
Coaches. What do Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith have in common? Duh! They were both born during the Dwight Eisenhower Administration! Anyway, Dungy has had his teams knocking on the door for years, whereas on the other hand, Lovie? Lovie?!? I could buy Huggy Bear Smith, or Walter "Sweetness" Payton, but a grown man named Lovie? Advantage: Indianapolis.
Uniforms. Impossible to pick. These are two of the NFL's classic looks, which the teams have wisely avoided messing with over the years. The Bears will be wearing black, the Colts white. This is an honest to God tossup.
Music Scene. Chicago has the Smashing Pumpkins, and Liz Phair (Liz...call me). Indianapolis has...radio stations. Advantage: Chicago.
Quarterback: Peyton Manning, taking a break from his TV-pitchman career, is a QB stat machine. Mentioning the name of Bears QB Rex Grossman makes everyone in Chicago make a grim face and reach for the Mylanta. Advantage: Indianapolis.
Politics: Chicago politics are full of corruption, graft, cheating, and larger-than-life crooks. Indiana gave the world Dan Quayle. Advantage: Chicago.
Food: Indiana's not really famous for any food; Chicago's mostly famous for the deep-dish pizza. Chicagoans, however, will slap you if you order ketchup (or catsup) on your hot dog. I believe in freedom of hot-dog choice, plus I like ketchup. I'm partial to catsup, too. Food fascism earns you no points from me. Advantage: Indianapolis.
Annoyance Factor. The only grudge I have against Da Bears is an old one. The fact that Walter Payton wasn't able to score a touchdown in Superbowl XX, while William 'The Refrigerator' Perry, Coach Mike Ditka, punky QB Jim McMahon, defensive stalwart Mike Singletary, Superfan Bill Swerski and the late Brian Piccolo were all permitted to reach the end zone in the Bears' 234-3 win over New England. Indianapolis, on the other hand, is very very annoying, for reasons that begin with "Peyton" and end with "Manning". Advantage: Chicago.
BunkoSquad readership. Hoosiers: If you're out there, you're quiet. I know a few of my fans have Chicago connections, though. Advantage: Chicago.
So the final tally is 4-4-1. The tiebreaker will have to be the Colts' superior offensive firepower and surprisingly able defense. Final score: Colts 34, Bears 20.
Posted by Michael at 11:35 PM | Comments (4)
January 26, 2007
Shaughnessy: Friday, Jan. 26
Some highlights of today's ADD special:
Suppose Barry Bonds gets hot early. Suppose he's closing in on Hank Aaron when the Giants come to Fenway June 15. Highly unlikely, but just suppose . . .
Wow! That hadn't occurred to me! At least until Gordon Edes mentioned it on the Globe's Red Sox blog yesterday. But I'm sure the notion came to Dan independently, since who reads blogs?
Just who are the loyal 16,199 who went to the Celtics' game against the Hawks Wednesday night? And why?
One, I had good seats. Two, part of being a diehard fan is meaning sometimes you die hard. Sometimes harder than others. I know that the thing these days is for hotshot columnists and other idiots to ignore the local teams when they're losing, then show up in full colors as soon as things get interesting. But people like that make pond scum look principled and honorable. People like that are not worthy of being pulled out of burning cars, let alone share in the triumph that comes after years of suffering. In other news, I have a 0.000002% chance of getting Red Sox tickets this weekend.
Speaking of the Celtics' golden days, did you catch the Wall Street Journal's "Private Properties" listing in late December?
If you ever hear me asking that question, put a bullet in the back of my head. I am absolutely serious.
Cornerback Johnathan Joseph Monday became the ninth Bengal to be arrested since Jan. 1, 2006, when he was charged with possession of marijuana. Wonder if Joseph is a nickel back or plays in the dime package.
OK, that one was pretty good.
"Friday Night Lights" is pretty good television.
You know what else is good? Butterscotch pudding. Yes sir, not bad at all. Did Dan walk away for a second and let Larry King take the keyboard?
With Rex Grossman on deck, a popular parlor game is listing the worst Super Bowl quarterbacks in history. The staff of the New York Daily News came up with David Woodley, Trent Dilfer, Joe Kapp, Vince Ferragamo, and our own Tony Eason.
Parlor game?!? Are you serious? It was also the poll on the front page of ESPN.com yesterday, which I realize is flying under the radar a little bit. And anyone who didn't vote for Tony Eason is not to be trusted.
Did you know that Dave McCarty worked a night as Wally the Green Monster when he was on the disabled list in 2004?
Actually, no, I didn't. And it's nice that 80% of the way through a column written by an award-winning sportswriter at a highly-regarded newspaper, I finally learn something that I didn't know and actually was interesting.
Vern Ruhle died in Cincinnati last week at the age of 55. If you don't know Ruhle's place in Red Sox history, you're definitely new to the Nation. Ruhle was the hurler who hit rookie Jim Rice with a pitch, breaking the slugger's hand Sept. 21, 1975.
Or maybe you just didn't pay attention to regular-season games. I looked that game up out of curiosity; Rice played five innings after he got hit with that pitch and broke his hand. Yikes.
Folks in Southern California can set their alarm clocks to 7:05 a.m. if they want to put on the television to watch the Angels play the Red Sox in Fenway Park April 16.
That cracks me up. Nothing like listening to the ballgame when you're driving into work in the morning.
I'm still trying to find the Versus network on my cable. It was much easier back in the 1970s when we just had to put aluminum foil on the antenna to bring in snowy Channel 38.
Your cable company, if requested, will send you a little pamphlet with channel listings. Did you know I get BBC America now? Unfortunately I never have time to watch it, since now that we have the DVR, we don't miss a single hour-long crime drama or Arrested Development rerun.
Dan Shaughnessy is a Globe columnist. His e-mail address is dshaughnessy@globe.com.
Michael is a blogger (read: loser, frustrated journalist). His email address is bunkosquad@gmail.com.
Posted by Michael at 08:33 AM | Comments (1)
January 25, 2007
You Wound Me, Sir
John Daley reports that on his pathetic radio show, pathetic Dan Shaughnessy opined that,
"all bloggers" are losers and frustrated journalists. And apparently, we're destroying the political system.
Whatever, Dan. Just keep in mind that MY ill-conceived, hackneyed, half-assed ramblings and reconsiderations of the glaringly obvious DON'T require the death of thousands of trees and a fleet of trucks to distribute them all over hell and creation.
Posted by Michael at 08:42 AM | Comments (4)
January 24, 2007
Dan Shaughnessy Cliff Notes
Posted by Michael at 08:18 AM | Comments (2)
January 23, 2007
Age Ain't Nothin' But a [Depressing] Number
Every time I go to a Celtics game, I scan the program to make sure that both teams have at least one player older than I am. It's a whistling-past-the-graveyard maneuver that lets me still kid myself that I may suddenly develop quickness and a consistent jump shot (though I do have a career shooting percentage of 1.000 on NBA floors) and make it in pro sports. All I can say is, thank god Theo Ratliff (4/17/73) is still on the roster.
So what to make of the fact that the Raiders hired a 31-year-old kid as their head coach? 31?!? Not that coaching the Raiders is anyone's idea of a sweet plum, but still.
Next installment: I'm baffled to learn I'm older than a U.S. Senator.
Posted by Michael at 04:12 PM | Comments (0)
January 22, 2007
No Love For Grover Cleveland Alexander
Here's an update on the Hall of Fame project I mentioned last week: there's a permalink to all updates, and Doug has started separating the locks (so far 3: Hank Aaron, Ernie Banks and Johnny Bench) from the guys with no chance. I'm really surprised Grover Cleveland Alexander didn't make the cut; maybe I've overrated him, maybe people have short memories. Or maybe it's anti-Reagan backlash.
My endorsements for the B's currently active: Chief Bender yes, Yogi Berra yes, Wade Boggs no (it's personal; he was an unlikeable mercenary prick), Lou Boudreau yes, Jim Bottomley no, Cool Papa Bell yes, Roger Bresnahan no.
Posted by Michael at 09:25 AM | Comments (4)
January 19, 2007
Hall of Fame Project
Doug at Our Book of Scrap has a cool project getting underway: asking readers to vote on baseball Hall-of-Famers and whether they're truly worthy of Cooperstown or not. He's still on A, so get in on the ground floor. I'll get you started: Hank Aaron? Yes.
UPDATE: Actually, since I get a little overmaniacal, I'll share how I voted on all the A's.
- Hank Aaron: yes
- Pete (Grover Cleveland) Alexander: yes
- Luis Aparicio: yes
- Richie Ashburn: no
- Cap Anson: yes
- Luke Appling: yes
- Earl Averill: no
- Sparky Anderson: yes
- Walter Alston: yes
Posted by Michael at 02:45 PM | Comments (1)
Noooooooo!
Trot Nixon, Cleveland Indian?!?!?!?
Who wants to start a candlelight vigil with me?
Posted by Michael at 01:58 PM | Comments (2)
January 16, 2007
LaDainian Tomlinson on Sportsmanship
While some have dismissed Chargers running back LaDainian Tomlinson's critical comments about the Patriots' postgame celebrations as mere sour grapes, BunkoSquad research teams have learned that Tomlinson has actually taken a consistent stance over the years against what he terms "excessive celebration". Some of his previous statements:
April 9, 2003. On the toppling of the Saddam Hussein statue in central Baghdad: ""When you're a world superpower, I just wouldn't think you would need to act that way. But obviously that's the way they reacted to it and there's nothing we can do about it."
January 21, 1981: On the release of Americans held hostage in Iran: "It's been building, a little bit up to this point, the whole disrespect thing. It's not just something that happened yesterday. It's been building a little while."
July 20, 1969: On Neil Armstong being the first man to walk on the moon: "From my standpoint, Marty [Schottenheimer] always tells us to act like we've been there before. That's something that your coach always tells you. To me, if guys are acting like that, then it comes from top to bottom, in my opinion."
August 15, 1945: On V-J Day: "We're out competing, and what message do you want to send our kids? Is that the way you react after a win? In my opinion, that's not the way you react."
April 14, 1865. On the assassination of President Lincoln: "I wasn't going to go over and do anything crazy. I was just going to tell the guy, 'Don't disrespect us in our theatre, you guys won the war, congratulations.' I think the Union guys kind of blew it up a little bit more by holding me back like I was going to attack the guy or something."
August 24, 410. On Alaric I leading the Visigoths into Rome: "I don't know how that would go over, but obviously I probably wouldn't say two words to him. I definitely wouldn't. In the heat of the moment and competitive nature, sometimes you say things."
Posted by Michael at 09:06 AM | Comments (5)
January 14, 2007
You Stay Classy, San Diego
Have I mentioned I love the Patriots? Some notes:
- It's been said before, but I think Marty Schottenheimer could botch a two-car funeral. What a bad job managing the second half.
- On the other hand, I think that when the season is over, we should put Belichick and Brady in charge of the Iraq war. When there was 3:30 left and the Pats started their drive, I felt such a feeling of calmness and inevitability. I love these guys.
- Here's the Chargers' contact page. As of 9:00 PM, the Chargers hadn't announced who may or may not be eligible to order AFC Championship tickets. Let me know if you hear anything.
- 13 hours of football watching this weekend has convinced me of three things: Wendy's chicken meal is (whispers) $2.99. Roosters don't like it when you wake them up. And this is, despite anything you may have heard to the contrary, our country.
- Peyton? We're coming....
Midnight Update: Is LaDainian Tomlinson's beef really "they celebrated their victory by imitating one of our players' victory celebrations, so they are classless"? Ooh, someone doesn't like being part of the MVP-sent-home-by-the-Pats club.
Posted by Michael at 08:50 PM | Comments (1)
January 09, 2007
The Hall-Of Fame Vote
Let everyone else debate whether Ripken and Gwynn should have been unanimous, or whether McGwire will get in next year. I, for one, would like to to know who the three people who voted for Dante Bichette are, where they live, and what their recreational substances of choice are.
Posted by Michael at 02:42 PM | Comments (1)
January 08, 2007
Never Shoulda Let Him Go
Bronson Arroyo may have been sent packing to the Midwest, but his heart is still in Boston. That, and the indie-rock scene in Cincinnati is still getting its act together. So the lanky ex-Sox hurler is coming back to rock the Roxy this weekend, and you can enter to win tickets from Exploit Boston! Hurry; entries are due Wednesday at noon.
Posted by Michael at 07:58 PM | Comments (0)
December 31, 2006
It's the J-E-T-S
New England vs. New York in the playoffs. It don't get any better than this.
Oh, and Denver? Those Superbowl plans you made are starting to look a little In-Com-PLETE!
Posted by Michael at 08:03 PM | Comments (1)
December 08, 2006
(Wearing Tie)
Best Photo Caption. Ever. Glad they cleared that up.
Posted by Michael at 10:44 AM | Comments (2)
December 04, 2006
My One Post On the Hot-Stove-League Impending Debacle
Imagine your spouse or whatever saying, "I'm going to trade in your Corvette. I know you loved it, I know it felt like part of the family. And I know what amazing things it's capable of. But it's high-maintenance, and expensive, and it broke down last summer. Sure, it can be fixed, but do you really want to deal with the headache of driving it around all next year? Even if it is awesome?
"Wouldn't you rather have a nice Taurus? Sure, it's used. It's had a few owners, and none of them were really crazy about it. It's not going to impress anyone. But you won't spend as much on gas, and it will get you around, for the most part. It's just not exciting.
"Plus, that jerk next-door neighbor you hate says the Corvette should go."
How would you feel about that?
How are we supposed to feel about trading in Manny Ramirez for J.D. Drew?
Posted by Michael at 02:05 PM | Comments (1)
November 27, 2006
You Can't Run From Karma
Remember Freddie Mitchell? The Eagles wide receiver who talked all kinds of smack before and after Superbowl XXXIX, even though he forgot to make the slightest bit of difference in the game itself?
Where are they now?
Apparently, Freddie just got relieved of his duties as a substitute teacher in northern Indiana, supposedly for asking for girls' phone numbers. The high-school girls, I imagine, wanted to hold out for someone who caught more than one pass in the Superbowl.
Posted by Michael at 02:42 PM | Comments (0)
October 19, 2006
Have You Won A Championship More Recently Than a New York Team?: A Handy Guide
Nice try, Mets. I guess New York's not really a sports town these days. You can check here to see if your team has won anything more recently than anyone from NY has. (The New Jersey Devils don't count.)
| YEAR | NFL | NHL | NBA | MLB |
| 2001 |  |
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| 2002 |  |
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| 2003 |  |
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| 2004 | |
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| 2005 | |
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| 2006 |  |
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Posted by Michael at 11:54 PM | Comments (0)
Fox Sports Sucks
I'm trying to stay away from "what he said" posts, but what he said. 'Kin A.
Posted by Michael at 07:22 PM | Comments (0)
October 18, 2006
Spend Eternity With the Devil Rays
I'd heard about this, but this is the first time I've seen anything official. Major League Baseball and Eternal Image are set to offer officially-licensed MLB coffins and urns. Once all 30 MLB teams are accounted for, they want to expand to the NFL, NHL and NASCAR.
Naturally, there are a couple of things I want to know. Wouldn't being buried in a coffin with a Cubs logo be a little...redundant*? Will the NASCAR urns be festooned with logos, like everything else is? Will archaeologists in the year 5406 marvel over the fact that there are thousands of Arizona Cardinal coffins in graves, all dated 2006?
I have two requests. One, go ahead and bury me in a Yankees coffin. I've made enough "over my dead body" jokes that karma probably owes me a wallop. But first, see if they offer defunct NHL teams. And see if they offer little speakers. Because spending eternity listening to "Brass Bonzanza" in a Whalers coffin pretty much proves the existence of heaven.
(* I'm sorry, David, it really doesn't work unless it's the Cubbies. I tried other teams, but it just wasn't as funny)
Posted by Michael at 04:27 PM | Comments (1)
October 17, 2006
Great Moments in Postgame Press Conferences
So where does Denny Green's implosion after last night's Bears-Cardinals game rank in hilarious press conferences? Some informal research puts it fourth all time.
4. Dennis Green, Arizona Cardinals. "They are who we thought they were."
3. Rick Pitino, Boston Celtics. "All the negativity in this town sucks." (no video available)
2. Jim Mora, Indianapolis Colts. "Playoffs?!?"
1. Allen Iverson, Philadelphia 76ers. "Talkin' about a practice."
Posted by Michael at 01:00 PM | Comments (4)
October 07, 2006
Update On My Injuries
Tonight I sustained numerous scratches, bruises, and two sprained wrists while leaping onto the Tigers' bandwagon. I loved tonight's game. I loved Kenny Rogers.
Posted by Michael at 12:49 AM | Comments (0)
August 21, 2006
A Quick Zoology Lesson
I always assumed hyenas were scavengers. That's the image they have in popular culture (as much as hyenas ever show up in popular culture), but apparently only a couple of types of hyenas scavenge, and most of them are actually pretty efficient hunters.
Which kills the analogy I was all ready to make; I was all set to compare Dan Shaughnessy to a hyena, in that he spends most of his time cackling off in the distance, but really comes into his element when there's a corpse to be picked over. But now having learned about hyenas, I can't make that comparison. Plan B, I guess, is something about flies being attracted to a cowpie (which is a perfect metaphor for the 2006 Sox right now).
Dan is pretty sure that the Sox are falling apart because they didn't make a blockbuster trade at the deadline. I think he's sad that they didn't trade any of the young pitchers away, because I'm sure he already had half of the "We hardly knew ye" column written for Craig Hansen's first 4-0 start in Philadelphia.
I think (and keep in mind I'm not a beloved expert columnist for a major daily newspaper) that the Red Sox' misery right now can be traced directly to the fact that Jason Varitek isn't handling the pitching staff right now. I love Mirabelli as a backup, but the difference in pitching between when Jason was around and when he's not is glaring.
Schilling's good, Papelbon's good (mostly), the rest of them are HORRIBLE. It's a sad commentary that the most effective middle-relief job this weekend was turned in by Julian Tavarez.
I really wanted the hyena analogy to work.
Posted by Michael at 09:34 AM | Comments (2)
August 17, 2006
The bOYs of Summer
I missed this on NESN Tuesday night, but Seth Mnookin's blog has a transcript of Denis Leary, Lenny Clarke, Don and Jerry in the booth talking about baseball, religion, and Mel Gibson. It's hilarious.
Posted by Michael at 05:46 PM | Comments (0)
August 10, 2006
MLB Releases Updated Red Sox Schedule
BOSTON - Major League Baseball has taken the unprecedented step of completely overhauling the Red Sox' late-season schedule, BunkoSquad has learned. In reaction to the team losing four straight to the hapless Devil Rays and execrable Royals, Acting Commissioner Bud Selig invoked the "best-interests-of-the-game" clause, to send the woeful Boston nine to spread cheer all around baseball.
"When you look at the faces of the kids in Tampa Bay and Kansas City, you see why I had to make the move," Selig said. "These are kids rooting their whole lives for crappy teams. They're about ready to give up on baseball, until the Red Sox come to town and make it all OK again."
The Red Sox will now stay in Kansas City for the entire weekend, before heading to the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota from 8/14-16. The five-game Yankee series will be played as scheduled. The Sox will then depart on a nine-game trip to Pittsburgh, Washington and surprisingly, Papua New Guinea, where the hope is that the series will breathe some life into the fledgling New Guinean national team. The New Guinean team was established yesterday and will get a solid week of practices in, once equipment arrives from the U.S.
The Sox will return to Fenway for a homestand against Pawtucket, Kansas City, and the AlbaNineties, an Albany, N.Y., organization that meets socially to play baseball under 1890s rules (note to ticketholders: that series will be all afternoon games.)
In mid-September, the Red Sox will spend a week in New York City, playing 3 games against the Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital All-Stars, followed by 4 against the Yankees.
The rest of the schedule will consist mainly of games against New England high-school teams and nursing homes, capping it off with a highly-anticipated finals-weekend series against basketball's famed Washington Generals.
Selig defended the decision to leave the Yankee games intact. "The rivalry is as heated as ever," he said. "Plus, I got a letter from a 9-year-old boy in New Jersey - big Yankees fan - who said he's on his second hamster since 2000, and is scared that this hamster will live his entire life without seeing the Yankees win the World Series."
In other news, the Red Sox picked up Julian Tavarez' contract through 2015.
Posted by Michael at 11:00 AM | Comments (2)
July 10, 2006
Insert Sports Flamewar Here
In lieu of giving a laundry list of reasons why I'm one of those Americans who is mildly intereted in the World Cup, but generally can't stand soccer, I offer this.
The Red Sox and White Sox played 19 innings in Chicago yesterday. They played until somebody won. They didn't stop after 12 innings and have a bunt-off to determine the winner.
Posted by Michael at 10:26 AM | Comments (6)
June 29, 2006
Let's Play Two
Are you like me? Getting a little older, a bit out of shape? But with fond memories of playing Little League and maybe a little wiffle-ball here and there?
Because I'm thinking of organizing a sandlot team and entering ourselves in the National League. Based on the way the Red Sox just slapped around the Braves, Nationals, Phillies and Mets, I think with a couple weeks of practice, we can contend for the NL wild card.
Posted by Michael at 09:57 PM | Comments (4)
Good Times in The Big Apple
Actual result from today's referral page
Posted by Michael at 05:51 PM | Comments (0)
June 27, 2006
Carefully Measured Words
The only members of the 2004 Red Sox who should EVER be booed at Fenway are the ones who show up voluntarily wearing Yankee uniforms as a result of free agency. Especially if they act all surprised that joining the Yankees hurts their popularity around here. That being said, there's actually some discussion about whether Pedro Martinez will be cheered or booed when he takes the mound Wednesday in a Mets uniform.
If you're planning to be at Fenway on Wednesday. And if you're seriously considering booing Pedro Martinez. And if you even have a doubt in your mind about whether or not Pedro deserves a 5-minute standing ovation for his seven years here:
Give your tickets to someone else, because if you're not going to cheer Pedro, you're a freaking idiot who should have their fandom revoked, their Red Sox T-shirt (probably bought Nov. 2004) stripped off their back, and their head dunked in one of the urinal troughs in the men's room. Are the troughs still there? If not, they should be reinstalled just to torture cretins who are there to boo the greatest Red Sox player of my lifetime.
Posted by Michael at 10:12 AM | Comments (1)
June 22, 2006
Ghana
I think I've figured out a big chunk of the reason Americans don't like the World Cup (aside from the fact that soccer is like hockey, minus all the action, fast pace, and hitting). They hate the idea that Team USA could be knocked out by a country that 91% of them couldn't find on a map of Northwest Africa. And that 87% couldn't have even told you it was in Northwest Africa.
Posted by Michael at 10:04 AM | Comments (2)
June 19, 2006
In An Alternate Universe...
Congratulations, Carolina.
(Image borrowed from this page)
Posted by Michael at 11:14 PM | Comments (4)
June 14, 2006
Open Letter to Julian Tavarez
Dear Julian Tavarez,
Go to hell.
Love, Michael
Posted by Michael at 12:00 AM | Comments (3)
June 02, 2006
A Thousand Times Yes
Tony Massarotti of the Herald absolutely nails it today with his column about Red Sox dilettantes. You may remember a few months ago, I asked around, and the consensus was that most of the people I know would be OK with the Red Sox sucking for a year or two if it meant we could get tickets again.
So I've devised a short quiz that will tell if you're one of these deplorable bandwagon-hoppers.
Are You A Real Red Sox Fan?
Posted by Michael at 10:18 AM | Comments (9)
May 19, 2006
The BC-Holy Cross Game
Bob Ryan has an excellent column taking Boston College to task for dropping Holy Cross off its basketball schedule.
I don't think I've made it a big secret that I'm not that impressed with college sports, and here's a good reason why. BC wants to run with the big boys in the ACC, but they need some games to fill up their early-season schedule. So they find a bunch of patsies and rubes who want a glimpse of the spotlight (assuming BC is the spotlight), cream them, and everyone's happy. Holy Cross used to have the double advantage of (1) being one of those patsies, and (2) having decades of tradition playing BC in various sports.
The problem came when Holy Cross got -- well -- good. They've been to the NCAA tournament a lot recently; they've never made it out of the first round, but they've caused many a britch to be soiled in Kentucky and Kansas in those first round games. And they beat BC a couple of years ago and play them close other years. Outrage!
(Disclaimer: I grew up in a Holy Cross/rabid-anti-BC household. I'd feel this way anyway but that needs to be on the record.)
So Ryan gets quotes from the principles involved (BC coach Al Skinner, HC coach Ralph Willard, BC AD Gene DeFilippo and HC AD Dick Regan). What are some of the arguments?
* Physical play has Al Skinner worried about the BC team's health
* Upsets tarnish the prestige of a major-conference school
* Strength of schedule matters for tournament seeding
* Stuff like tradition and honor don't matter anymore
* Incessant mockery from other ACC coaches if Skinner loses to a patsy
* Eagles cultivating rivalries with 05-06 opponents TX Southern and Shawnee St.
* Scheduling a 45 minute road trip to Worcester cuts into valuable class time
Read down that list (ahem ahem cough) and see if you can decide what the real reason is that BC has pulled the game off its schedule.
Posted by Michael at 10:12 AM | Comments (1)
May 04, 2006
Life in the Very, Very Slow Lane
The luckiest man in Boston last night was Toronto catcher Gregg Zaun, who got to celebrate with the rest of the Jays despite the fact that, with two outs in the ninth, he was responsible for a dropped third strike and a throwing error on a stolen base.
I'd been a little obsessed with Zaun all night, since (a) he looks like Robin Hood, and (b) I thought to myself "Geez, this guy's been around forever", and then the scoreboard immediately broadcast some tidbit showing he's three years older than I am. Gulp.
Anyway, the point of this. When I went to do a little research on Zaun, I found this really funny, snarky article from Slate in 2004 about the cushy life of the backup catcher. It had me laughing a lot.
Posted by Michael at 10:40 AM | Comments (1)
April 21, 2006
Are We Going to the Same Place? If So, Can I Come?
You know, if you'd asked me what exactly what I wanted for my birthday, I doubt I'd have ever said "A really long Bill Simmons column about the NBA, anchored around Pearl Jam lyrics."
But I got one. It's like the perfect storm of stuff I'm interested in, but sometimes forget how much of my life has revolved around.
Posted by Michael at 09:11 PM | Comments (2)
Some Sports Trivia
I have a hunch I know who's going to be first to get this one.
What's the unifying theme between all these player/team combinations?
Al Blozis, New York Giants
Fred Brown, Seattle Supersonics
Jim Brown, Cleveland Browns
Billy Cunningham, Philadelphia 76ers
Julius Erving, New Jersey Nets
Elston Howard, New York Yankees
Magic Johnson, Los Angeles Lakers
Sandy Koufax, Los Angeles Dodgers
Kevin McHale, Boston Celtics
Jim Umbricht, Houston Astros
Bill Walton, Portland Trailblazers
Brian Winters, Milwaukee Bucks
Posted by Michael at 12:09 AM | Comments (5)
April 07, 2006
Shhhh.....
There's a chance - a slight chance - that the Pittsburgh Penguins might be sold and moved to Hartford. I like Pittsburgh, really (I'd lobby for them to get the Phoenix Coyotes) but the chance of resurrecting the Whalers is too good to pass up. So get your Geoff Sanderson sweaters out, and cue up "Brass Bonanza"; there may be hockey at the mall again soon!
(PS - I know they won't really play in the mall anymore.)
Posted by Michael at 03:41 PM | Comments (6)
April 03, 2006
First Monday in April
A day when all is right with the world.
Posted by Michael at 12:51 AM | Comments (2)
March 29, 2006
Reminder
The deadline and draft is Friday! For those on the fence, a reminder:
I set up the First Annual BunkoSquad Fantasy Baseball League on sportsline.com. If you're reading this, you're invited to join. This link should take you to the league page (you'll need to register with sportsline if you haven't already), and the league password is "michael". *(Shoot me an email or a comment if you have trouble).
Posted by Michael at 09:57 AM | Comments (2)
March 21, 2006
Loyalty
There are some lines you don't cross.
Monday night, my Dad and I were at the Celts/Lakers game. The halftime show was a feeble free-throw-shooting/tic-tac-toe medley, but that's not the point. They introduced the contestants: "Contestant One is so-and-so from Los Angeles...", scattered boos, "Contestant Two is what's-his-name from New York..."
I turned to my Dad and said, "LA and New York?!? What's next? An Iraqi?"
Yeah, you had to be there, but my point stands. I know people go different places, and do different things, but one thing you don't do is give an arena full of Boston fans a Los Angeleno and a New Yorker and expect us to root for one.
And if you're the center fielder for the first Red Sox champion in 86 years, you don't go to the Yankees and expect to be forgiven.
And if you're the best kicker ever, you don't go to the Colts and expect us not to hope your game falls apart.
Enjoy Indiana, Adam. Call me in mid-January. I suspect you'll be available.
Posted by Michael at 11:56 PM | Comments (3)
March 20, 2006
Will the Last Member of the 2004 World Champions To Leave Please Turn Out the Lights
Bronson Arroyo to Cincinnati for Wily Mo Pena. I know it's pronounced "Willy Mo", but there's no way I'm not going to pronounce it as it's spelled.
It's a weird trade; it seems like they're trying to deemphasize Trot Nixon. I don't know if Wily Mo can play first; I hope so, unless he's just insurance in case Manny wanders off during a game or tries to fly to Israel midseason.
As for Bronson, good luck in that fabled Cincinnati indie-rock scene.
Posted by Michael at 12:22 PM | Comments (1)
March 16, 2006
64 Things That Bug Me About the NCAA Tournament
In no particular order:
1. Dick Vitale.
2. The fact that the games start on Thursday and Friday, depriving the student-athletes of class time.
3. Filling out my brackets without knowing anything about the teams, meaning that my whole thing gets submarined by Chokelahoma.
4. The way the announcers fall back on lauding the coach if they haven't done their homework on the players.
5. BC's annual bitchfest about having to go to someplace like Utah for the first round.
6. The fact that Duke never has to leave the state of North Carolina for the first round.
7. Dick Vitale.
8. All the commercials are for Land Rovers and mutual funds, really tapping into that vital college-kid demographic.
9. The fact that Rick Pitino is still involved in college basketball (though the gods smiled on us and left him out of the tournament this year). To this day, as the wise man once said, I wouldn't pee on Rick if he were on fire.
10. "Washington, DC regional". "Oakland regional". What's wrong with Southeast and West?
11. Every time an at-large bid goes to a 18-11 major-conference team instead of a 26-6 small-conference team.
12. Every time Billy Packer moans about a smaller-conference team making it, because he obviously is upset about having to do research.
13. CBS delaying switching from your "market" game to a fantastic finish somewhere else.
14. People who love Duke and tell you all about it.
15. People who hate Duke and tell you all about it.
16. The fact that college teams get 45 timeouts.
17. Teams fouling to stop the clock when they're down 16 with 45 seconds to go.
18. Dick Vitale.
19. That the play-in game is between two small-conference champs, instead of two fifth-place teams in big conferences.
20. It diverts attention away from the third interminable week of spring training.
21. Even watching irritating teams like Syracuse and Indiana losing is nowhere near as satisfying as the A-Rod face.
22. Actually, seeing that look on Jim Boeheim's face is pretty good.
23. Title IX requires me to give lip service to the women's tournament.
24. Wondering whether LSU's tandem of Seimone Augustus and Sylvia Fowles have what it takes to get the Lady Tigers to the San Antonio regionals.
25. Dick Vitale.
26. Having to stay up superlate for Letterman and Ferguson.
27. Games in San Diego today were delayed when a bomb-sniffing dog freaked out near a hot dog stand. This doesn't bug me, exactly, but it's pretty funny.
28. The NCAA desperately pushing the "student-athlete" angle, even though the Texas-Penn game doesn't include a spelling bee or trigonometry portion.
29. Lazy, gimmicky columns that run out of steam halfway through.
30. Dick Vitale.
31. Dick Vitale.
32. America once again has to learn to spell Krzyzewski.
33. Coaches jump from team to team, but if the kids who went to State U because of the coach want to transfer, they have to sit out a year
34. The fact that this year's freshmen will undoubtedly one day be part of the Celtics' 19th straight rebuilding year.
35. The fact that William & Mary never makes the tournament, keeping me from making some easy jokes.
36. The fact that Austin Peay didn't make the tournament, depriving America of its "Let's go Peay" chant.
37. There are NCAA Division One teams named, among other things, IPFW, IUPUI, LIUB, TA&MCC, and UMBC. Aren't these second-rate labor unions?
38. The billions of dollars flying around the tournament, and the utter and blatant hypocrisy that not a cent of it goes to the players.
39. They've never adopted my idea of having Miami (O.) and Miami (Fla.) play every year for the right to just be Miami for the season.
40. Knowing that two of the Sweet Sixteen will probably have their records scrubbed because of recruiting violations.
41. Troublemakers at games who use rocket launchers to fire beanbags into people's sensitive areas.
42. Coaches don't dress well anymore.
43. Jim Calhoun's karaoke "Moon River" never makes the broadcast.
44. That time Bill Cosby opened the Ark of the Covenant and his face melted off.
45. I already miss Quin Snyder's Jolson impersonation.
46. The fact I've spent 45 minutes looking for funny pictures of coaches.
47. And some of these pictures will give me nightmares.
48. Sometimes, 64 seems like an awfully big number.
49. This has nothing to do with NCAA basketball, but the news is on now, so it's on my mind. Why does Boston local news include police chases in Los Angeles?
50. I miss coaches who used to play craps during timeouts.
51. American business suffers $3.8 billion in lost productivity during the tournament, according to the National Institute of Statistics We Pulled Out Of Our Butts (credit to Fark.com for alerting me to the existence of that institute).
52. The contrived net-cutting-down ceremonies.
53. (I'm down 33 points with 11 entries to go. Time out!)
54. John Calipari's trite, unsportsmanlike chicken dance when Memphis takes an insurmountable lead.
55. The fact that they haven't adopted my idea of having the loser of the 64/65 play-in game play the women's champion in a post-tournament challenge.
56. Did I mention this jackass still has a job?
57. BC whining that they have to play a game early, since apparently Pacific didn't have to be on the court at the same time.
58. Top blue-chip prospects are recruited way too early.
59. The possession arrow. Come on, guys. Grow a pair and jump for it.
60. John Cougar Mellencamp whoring himself out for NCAA promos.
61. He's almost to the end, BABY! It's an AWESOME list! This kid is a PTB BABY - a PRIME TIME BLOGGER! It's been a WEIRD, WACKY TIME! I'm so excited I WET my SHORTS a little bit! AWESOME, BABY!!!!!
62. (Three entries to go, and I'm down by only 19! Time out!)
63. I don't know anything about any of the teams, or the players, or anything at all, really - but I still care for some reason.
64. It's over! "But time is short, and the road is long/
In the blinking of an eye that moment's gone/ And when it's done, win or lose/ You always did your best 'cause inside you knew/ One shining moment, you reached deep inside/ One shining moment, you knew you were alive!"
Posted by Michael at 11:12 PM | Comments (4)
March 02, 2006
Who's Ready?
I set up the First Annual BunkoSquad Fantasy Baseball League on sportsline.com. If you're reading this, you're invited to join. This link should take you to the league page (you'll need to register with sportsline if you haven't already), and the league password is "michael". *(Shoot me an email or a comment if you have trouble).
I've begun the last few seasons in various fantasy leagues, but somewhere along the line my energy fizzles. Not this time, baby. It's on.
Posted by Michael at 10:27 AM | Comments (10)
February 20, 2006
Curt Gowdy 1919-2006
It's one of the biggest regrets I have about being born in the 70s. My Dad has told me many times about when baseball started to be shown on TV in the mid-60s, and what a rush it was to actually see all the American League parks for the first time. The short porch at Tiger Stadium...the monuments in the Bronx...the scoreboard at Comiskey.
It was amazing to see them on live TV, since he had built up such a powerful mental image hearing them described on the radio all those years. And the man responsible for that image was Curt Gowdy, who died today. I feel a real sadness and nostalgia for a voice I barely knew.
Posted by Michael at 10:41 PM | Comments (1)
February 03, 2006
Let's Settle This
It's been a long time since I've had to figure out who to root for in the Superbowl. I don't have a particular love or hate for either team, so we need to go to the intangibles.
Sports Suffering. Pittsburgh won a few Stanley Cups, but the Steelers have had a long title drought and the Pirates have been third bananas for well over a decade. Seattle has quietly been starving ever since a forgettable Sonics title in the '70s, and the Mariners had a few minutes in the sun - kind of like Seattle's weather. But you don't hear Seattlites whining and moaning too much. Advantage: Pittsburgh.
Coaches. Bill Cowher looks like he might actually come attack me if I said anything bad about him. Mike Holmgren looks like a congenial walrus. Advantage: Pittsburgh.
Uniforms. The Steelers' look is classic NFL: black and gold, nothing fancy. I still have mixed feelings about the decal-on-one-side-of-the-helmet thing. The Seahawks look like big blue blobs, but it's not even really blue. Advantage: Pittsburgh.
Music Scene. I've gotten into Anti-Flag a little bit lately. Still, it's a bit of a stretch to give them the nod over Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, Mudhoney, Jimi Hendrix, Heart and Hole. Advantage: Seattle.
Quarterback. I've never had to look up how to spell the names of both Superbowl QB's. I miss the days when they had good, easy-to-spell names like, oh I don't know, "Brady". But Matt Hasselbeck went to BC, and he's related to Elisabeth, who went from Survivor cutiepie to full-fledged Viewbot. Advantage: Pittsloethisburgher.
Politics. Two years in a row, the Superbowl has consisted of two teams from blue states. So that's a wash. But Seattle's pretty progressive and liberal, and Pennsylvania gave the world Rick Santorum. Advantage: Seattle.
Food. I love seafood. Love it. But even the flinging of fish around Pike Street, and the tasty crab at Elliott Bay Restaurant, can't compare to the awesome, life-changing experience of the Primanti Brothers sandwich. Advantage: Pittsburgh.
Annoyance Factor. Seattle pretty much shuts up and plays. Pittsburgh has Joey Porter, this year's random "They need quotes and I'm the man to give 'em" man, and Troy Polamulu, who seems like overexposure waiting to happen. Advantage: Seattle.
BunkoSquad readership. I know Pittsburgh' got my back; there's at least one long-time reader and gracious host-for-a-night out there. The Northwest, if they're reading, are doing so quietly. Advantage: Pittsburgh.
Final tally: 6-3 Steelers, but I doubt that will be the final score. Let's say Pittsburgh, 24-17.
Posted by Michael at 11:12 AM | Comments (2)
January 05, 2006
Survey Results
An informal survey of a few key people has turned up some suprising results. Asked the question, "Would you accept the Red Sox flopping for a couple of years, if it meant that all the Johnny-come-latelies and fair-weather fans would stay away, and real people could actually have a chance to get tickets?", the verdict has so far been 100% "Hell yeah!"
Thank God. I thought I was borderline blaspheming when the thought crossed my mind the other day. But I guess the starstruck girls in pink caps, and the dips who've already forgotten about Bill Mueller, and the majority of cell-phone-waving idiots have gotten to the other real fans, too.
Posted by Michael at 11:39 AM | Comments (3)
December 21, 2005
Turn Around
I don't/won't have tickets to the first Sox/Yankees game at Fenway this year (though if you have an extra, you know where to reach me), but I've got an idea.
The first time Judas Damon comes to bat, don't cheer for his years of service. Don't boo his treachery. Just keep your mouth shut and turn your back on him.
It's better than taking him out on the boat with Silvio and Paulie Walnuts. Marginally.
Posted by Michael at 07:19 PM | Comments (1)
My Only Frame of Reference is Mob Movies
Is this how Michael Corleone felt when he faced Carlo down after the baptism?
Or how Michael felt when he realized Fredo was involved in the assassination attempt?
Or how Tony Soprano felt when he walked Big Pussy out to the boat for the final cruise?
Or maybe the scene from Midnight Run: "Hope it's a wonderful coffee shop, Steve."*
You're dead to me now, Johnny. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.
Hope it's a wonderful haircut.
*Thanks to sooz and i forgot what eight was for on Fark for coming up with the movie that came fromPosted by Michael at 01:38 AM | Comments (3)
October 27, 2005
Tip Of the Cap To the South Side
Congratulations, White Sox and fans. So sweet to see something that no one you know has ever seen before, and you were scared you'd never see.
And so much sweeter that, 2 seconds after it happened, Fox didn't cut to Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon making out at second base.
I think there's an informal agreement in baseball that whoever loses Game One of the Series will tank the next three, to save the nation three extra nights of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.
And that's five teams that have won more recently than the Yankees.
Posted by Michael at 12:26 AM | Comments (3)
October 08, 2005
Guess The Old Saying Is True
...You can't, in fact, win 'em all.
I was strangely calm as my boys were being swept out of existence by the White Sox. Part of it (OK, most of it) was my attitude of, "I only wanted to live long enough to see one", and a lot of it was realizing that Chicago had a much better team.
I don't know what the 2006 Red Sox will look like. I don't expect to see Wells or Damon or Olerud. I won't be surprised not to see Millar or Renteria (too bad) or Manny (bad). Maybe even Schilling.
I know this was a flawed team. I know it wasn't really going to make a run at defending the title. The bullpen was crap, the starters were unreliable, and the stalwarts (Tek, Trot) faded down the stretch. Hey, what are ya gonna do? It's a tough grind, and like I keep telling myself, I lived to see one.
Plus, if history teaches us anything, it's that a Red Sox World Series title is followed the next year by a White Sox gambling scandal. So we'll see!
(I'm rooting for the White Sox to win the whole thing, because a) I understand what a generations-long drought feels like and b) I want to see Bud Seling hand a Series MVP Trophy and a microphone to Crazy Carl Everett.)
Posted by Michael at 01:01 AM | Comments (1)
October 01, 2005
Why I Hate Fox Sports Announcers, Part LXXIV
They told us (I kept a rough count) 145 times that the Yankees would clinch the AL East if they and the Sox tied and Cleveland was a non-factor. That's called Too Much Information, especially after the 76th time.
Then they made a compelling case for why Jason Giambi should be a candidate for Comeback Player of the Year...but they never mentioned exactly what it was he was coming back from. That's where a little background would have helped the casual fan.
Posted by Michael at 08:07 PM | Comments (1)
September 25, 2005
There's Life in the Old Boys Yet
Two local teams, two weeks of fretting, two good feelings on this Sunday afternoon. Let's start with the boys of summer.
I really hope the Indians and White Sox both make the playoffs. Because if the Sox have to pop the Yankees this weekend (And they will. Don't worry), it would be tragic to be just a warmup for another nail-biting, amphetamine-popping, Shaughnessy-pantswetting ALCS. If this team is going to actually defend its title, it's on now. When even Edgar Renteria (in case you're wondering, I'm holding ticket #43449 in the "Throw Edgar Renteria Off A Bridge" raffle, my dad holds tickets #12-104) gets critical hits, then clearly this team realizes that it's now or never.
Now for the boys of Autumn. The Steelers have had the Pats' number (at least in months that end in R), but the Olde Towne Twenty-Two buckled down and answered all the worrying that has gone on in this apartment since last week in Carolina.
Someone close to me, who will remain nameless, isn't sold on the Patriots as a great team because they don't win in blowouts. I explained to her, "Sooz, (oops, I think I blew her cover) they aren't built to blow teams out. What they do is leave every single opponent wondering if they had only done this differently or that differently, they could have won. Like everyone leaves Foxwoods convinced they could have scored big if they hadn't kept getting 15s, or if there was one more cherry on the slot machine."
I think the Rodney Harrison injury is brutal -- we'll know more over the next few weeks, if Belichick doesn't have some magic rejuvenation machine -- but they stepped up today. They made adjustments for the second half -- like they always do -- and Brady was MONEY when the game was on the line. Note to Cowher and any other future victims: leaving New England 1:21 on the clock is like admitting to the seventh-grade bully that you like unicorns. They're just going to use it to kick your ass again and again and again.
I think I like sports again.
Posted by Michael at 10:22 PM | Comments (3)
June 25, 2005
Never Gets Old
Let's check in again on that live-cam of the Yankees bandwagon.
In a related story, the Sports Pickle says we should take heart in the struggles of the plucky Bronx nine, considering the hurdles they've had to overcome.
Posted by Michael at 12:56 AM | Comments (0)
June 08, 2005
More Sox Talk
This is a conversation I've had with friends, and one I've explored in some depth with my sister. And now I throw the question out there to all of you: What job coud you picture each of the current/recent Red Sox having, if there were no such thing as organized professional sports?
I'll throw a few suggestions out there:
Bronson Arroyo - indie rocker, obviously.
Mark Bellhorn - probably a bicycle courier.
Johnny Damon - hairdresser and messiah seem a little too obvious. This is a toughie.
Keith Foulke - insurance salesman.
Nomar Garciaparra - psychiatrist specializing in OCD.
Gabe Kapler - personal trainer at a local gym.
Byung-Hyun Kim - what's the opposite of a fireman? I guess arsonist.
Derek Lowe - I think my sister nailed this; assistant manager of an IHOP.
Pedro Martinez - owner of a mango-tree grove in the Dominican Republic.
Kevin Millar - bartender. Duh.
Bill Mueller - carpenter or stonemason.
David Ortiz - chef at Big Papi's Caribbean BBQ restaurant. Sans Sox uniform, I totally see him in a sauce-stained apron.
Manny Ramirez - I'm genuinely stumped.
Curt Schilling - sadly, a Republican Congressman in some state legislature.
Mike Timlin - host of a hunting/fishing show on ESPN2 (assuming there is an ESPN2 without sports)
Jason Varitek - this is a toughie. I honestly can't picture him doing anything for a living other than catching.
Tim Wakefield - my brother-in-law (again, I defer to my sister's wishes)
David Wells - possibly a bartender at a biker bar.
Again, these are some ideas. Improvements are welcome, as are suggestions for anyone I've forgotten.
Posted by Michael at 12:59 AM | Comments (5)
June 07, 2005
Marky Mark
(from Jen)
Posted by Michael at 10:44 AM | Comments (3)
June 06, 2005
I Love My Bookstore
Working at Americs'a best bookstore has given me a chance to do some incredible things and go to some incredible places. Tonight was one of them.
PEN-New England, an organization of local writers, held a fundraiser at Fenway called "Writing Baseball: Great Writers on the Greatest Game." The main event was a panel discussion with Stephen King, Roger Angell, John Updike, Doris Kearns Goodwin and Michael Lewis. They shared stories about the role of baseball in their youths, the relationship between the game and literature, and some current issues facing the sport today. All in the .406 club with the field as a beautiful backdrop.
And since our store was supposed to sell books at the event, then wasn't - a convoluted saga - my boss Frank and I got complimentary tickets to the reception beforehand. Where I got to get some autographs (Stephen King signed my oft-read tattered paperback "The Shining"), eat some fabulous food, meet owner Larry Lucchino (I think I babbled thanks for last year, but who knows) and...
You weren't allowed to actually touch it. Fair enough. If I'd ever developed a curveball, maybe someday I would have earned that right. Some more pics here.
Posted by Michael at 09:36 PM | Comments (4)
June 05, 2005
Lelands Auction House Is Abhorrent
They're auctioning off a piece of the plane that Roberto Clemente died in.
They are sick, greedy bastards. And the Clemente family is rightly preparing a lawsuit.
(from The Sports Frog)
Posted by Michael at 11:31 PM | Comments (1)
June 01, 2005
Yes, Please
Posted by Michael at 02:44 PM | Comments (0)
May 26, 2005
Slap Away The Fear
On one hand, it's nice to hear that a famous professional athlete is openly admitting that he's in therapy. And it's really impressive for him to go public, and recommend it for troubled kids before their problems become too much to deal with.
On the other hand, it's A-Rod. So the only joke I'll make is in the headline.
Posted by Michael at 04:31 PM | Comments (1)
May 06, 2005
Schadenfreude
Take a look, kids:
Baltimore 18-9 .667 -
Boston 16-12 .571 2.5
Toronto 16-13 .552 3
Tampa Bay 11-18 .379
NY Yankees 11-18 .379
At least something's going right for George Steinbrenner: His horse, Bellamy Road, is a favorite to win the Kentucky Derby. I thought long and hard about what direction to take my joke (of course, my first instinct when looking for a horse joke is to swing it to Laura Bush, but she's stopped returning my calls). Juxtaposing the Yankees' failures with Bellamy Road's potential, I came up with the two candidates:
Joke A: Steinbrenner is really befuddled. Last night, he reaffirmed his belief that Joe Torre is the best jockey in the world, and mistakenly ordered Bernie Williams sent to the glue factory.
Joke B: Tough times at the Yankee practice today. A ground ball took a bad bounce and Jason Giambi sprained his ankle trying to field it. Giambi had to be destroyed.
For context, I should mention that I had a really vivid dream last night (odd, 'cuz I rarely remember dreams) that I was a talk-show host. And if I may say so myself, I think I'm already ahead of Leno.
Posted by Michael at 01:32 AM | Comments (3)
May 04, 2005
Technology Is Cool
I hadn't been aware of this - there's a site now that will actually let you look in at a live picture of the Yankees bandwagon!
Posted by Michael at 12:06 AM | Comments (2)
April 12, 2005
The Fellowship of the Rings
So was it worth waiting 86 years for?
The Idiots of October got one last moment in the sun before it's time to seriously get down to business. Everything (well, almost everything) about yesterday was just right: the flag unfurling; the parade of oldtimers; Bobby, Bill and Tedy; and most of all, Johnny Pesky, the most beloved Sok of 'em all, making his way down the champions' receiving line (best moment: Pesky greeting Curtis Leskanic, "Leskanic! You son of a bitch"). The Yankees, who we still hate but now in a different way, watching respectfully from the dugout steps.
I, frankly, could have done without the Terry Cashman song (Yves wondered if he wrote it in the cab on the way over), and the dual moment of silence for the Pope and Dick Radatz seemed a little...weird. But hey, it's not like the Sox have lots of practice putting together ceremonies like this.
So you want a haiku? OK, here's one.
The joy ride's over
One fifty-five left to go
Let's get back to work
PS - Simmons came out of semi-retirement and wrote a fantastic piece about the day.
Posted by Michael at 12:33 PM | Comments (3)
March 31, 2005
Predictions
Now that I honestly truly think I can put the shovel and scraper away, here are my unsolicited predictions for the 2005 Baseball Season (which starts in (oh my God) 79 hours).
NL West: 1)Dodgers, 2)Padres, 3)Rockies, 4)Giants, 5)D-Backs.
NL Central: 1)Cards, 2)Cubs (WC), 3)Astros, 4)Brewers, 5) Reds, 6) Pirates.
NL East: 1)Marlins, 2)Mets, 3)Braves, 4)Phillies, 5)Nationals.
AL West: 1)Angels, 2)Rangers, 3)A's, 4)Mariners.
AL Central: 1)Tigers, 2)Twins, 3)Indians, 4)White Sox, 5)Royals.
AL East: 1)The World Champion Red Sox, 2)Yankees (WC), 3)Orioles, 4)Blue Jays, 5)D-Rays.
Divisional Series: Cards over Dodgers, Cubs over Marlins, Sox over Detroit, Angels over NY (sorry, guys, it doesn't seem like your century.)
LCS: Cubs over Cards, Sox over Angels.
World Series: Sox vs. Cubs. No way dare I pick a winner here.
Posted by Michael at 11:40 AM | Comments (1)
March 21, 2005
It's Here!
My Dad was a pained Red Sox fan for the first 95% of his life. While convalescing from surgery a couple of years ago (the surgery was unrelated to his Red Sox pains) he decided to put together a book explaining said pain. I believe it was to be entitled Why The Red Sox Never Win. He finished it at the beginning of 2004.
However...as you may remember, recent events changed that particular picture, meaning my Dad had to undertake some serious rewriting. So he did. And today, he finally got to put a copy of that book, now entitled The Possible Dream, in my hand. It will be getting onto local bookstore shelves soon, and as soon as I have a verified link to buy it online, you'll get that too. He's got a website that will have more information.
Congratulations.
Posted by Michael at 01:01 AM | Comments (3)
February 25, 2005
He's Back
Overheard on the WEEI WhinerLine today:
Yeah, we teased him a lot
'Cause he took a lot of shots
Welcome back
As I always do when the Celtics make a big trade, I immediately called my Dad for some fan-peer-counseling. We both always liked Antoine (and still do), but were scratching our heads at this one. Who does Antoine get minutes from (my guess is LaFrentz)? How many minutes at the point now go to the untested Delonte West and the unreliable Marcus Banks? Does this make Paul happy? Will Antoine start launching 3's again? How does Tony Delk feel about losing his trade buddy? Is Antoine really going to wear #88?
And whither Gary Payton? One rumor is that Atlanta will immediately waive him and the C's will try to pick him up again. If this is true, I hope Danny Ainge cleared it with G.P. first, because there has to be a little resentment on Gary's part. A Hall-of-Famer in the twilight years, traded from a struggling team to the Hawks, is a little like having a spear stuck through your heart and then being thrown under a train.
Posted by Michael at 02:03 AM | Comments (1)
February 16, 2005
Greenwell For MVP!!!
I never even thought of this; now that Jose Canseco's admitted he was steroided up throughout his career, maybe they should award the 1988 AL MVP Award to the runner-up. Who just happens to be my favorite Red Sock of all time.
Posted by Michael at 10:58 PM | Comments (5)
February 10, 2005
The Mouth That Bored
Despite being less of a factor in the Superbowl than the Eagles' mascot, despite giving the Patriots all the motivation they didn't really need, and -- most of all -- despite LOSING, Eagles' WR (I think he's a WR; I don't remember hearing his name) Freddie Mitchell still can't keep his mouth shut.
Freddie must be a religious fella. That would explain why he never does anything on Sundays.
Posted by Michael at 03:02 PM | Comments (1)
February 07, 2005
Nothin's Gonna Touch You In These Golden Years
It really wasn't all that long ago that being a sports fan in Massachusetts meant pain and agony. As recently as September 2000, I remember sitting in a dejected Fenway after the Sox finished getting cleaned out by Cleveland, thinking, "We are so screwed. The Pats are bad, the Celtics are going nowhere, the Sox will just take us on another wild ride and long plunge again next year...I hate this city."
So you'll perhaps forgive us if we still stagger around elated at the thought that this has recently become Titletown USA, and maybe gloat a little. We know how few and far between these moments of transcendent joy can be. As the poor suckers in New York are learning. But look:
First place in the "worst division in NBA history" is still first place.
The Bruins haven't lost a game all year.
I still can't think about the events of last October without blacking out for five minutes and then coming to, shaking my head in wild disbelief.
And the Patriots...the Patriots, the stepchildren of the local sports scene, the franchise that once dwelled in the depths of Phoenix Cardinals/Cincinnati Bengals-like ineptitude...the Patriots are a certified football dynasty.
In a way, I'm a little sorry it happened to Philly. They deserve to feel this way more than anyone else (yes, I hear you, Cleveland, but forget it). But it's like Don Corleone told Salazzo; "I wish you good luck, as best as your interests don't conflict with ours." All I can say to my phriends down there is: don't give up. Hang on. When it happens (and it will), all the misery and all the frustration disappears just. Like. That.
Posted by Michael at 12:52 AM | Comments (5)
February 01, 2005
¡Follow-Up!
Reliable sources (i.e., not the Herald) have informed me that Rich Garces wasn't kidnapped. He, depending on the source, either went on a bender, ditched his family, or went to the Caracas branch of the Frying Dutchman for the all-you-can-eat seafood buffet.
We stand by our best wishes and hope for a safe return, however.
Posted by Michael at 09:25 AM | Comments (1)
January 28, 2005
¡El Guapo Is Missing!
Chunky former Red Sox reliever Rich "El Guapo" Garces is missing in Venezuela, according to the Herald. Kidnapping is a very possible motive.
Obviously, all of us here in BunkoSquadLand wish for his safe and speedy return. We'll never forget his crowning moment: the interleague game in Montreal where he bunted into a double play (said my friend Dana at the time: "I think the Expos had time to autograph the ball while they were throwing it around the infield").
And any jokes such as "My God! The kidnappers must have used a crane!" or "What? Did they lure him with a trail of breadsticks?" are crass and inappropriate; plus, they've already been made.
Posted by Michael at 03:25 PM | Comments (3)
January 23, 2005
Philly
Let me preface this with the following: I spent a couple of football seasons in Philadelphia. I know how passionate Eagles fans are. I know how long they've been waiting to win a championship. Not quite Red Sox/Cubs levels, but close. I have many friends who are diehard Eagle fans; I even called and congratulated some of them after the Eagles dispatched Atlanta (guaranteeing an all-blue-state Superbowl).
But forget it, cheesesteakers. You're two weeks away from the buzzsaw. It's on, baby.
UPDATE: What's the Eagles' strength? I'm dying to know. The Pats have strangled Indy's unstoppable offense and pounded holes in the Steelers' unbreakable defense. If this were Independence Day, it would be the scene where Jeff Goldblum spits out, "They're using our own satellites against us!". If Belichick can somehow win the game with Chunky Soup and Terrell Owens' big mouth, he'll do it.
Posted by Michael at 09:36 PM | Comments (2)
January 20, 2005
Take One For the Team
Bill Simmons clues us into the tragic tale of one Steven Manganello, a lifelong diehard Red Sox fan who got hit by a car on October and missed out on the playoffs and World Series, lingering near death in a coma in Japan.
Any normal person would think, "I'm just glad to have recovered and that my team won," but since Steven's a Red Sox fan and not a normal person, I bet he is seriously questioning whether he ought to leap out into traffic again next September.
Posted by Michael at 07:53 PM | Comments (0)
January 16, 2005
Dear Peyton
Meet the new boss...
Same as the old boss...
Posted by Michael at 07:42 PM | Comments (2)
January 10, 2005
Wild-Card Postmortem
Unlike weather forecasters, I'll own up to my mistakes.
Rams/Seahawks, Colts/Broncos. I missed the final score, but I think I captured the essence of these games. I'll be honest with you; the Colts scare the hell out of me. And Sunday's weather in Foxboro looks clear. You may catch me hoping for snow for the only time this year, but if it stays clear, I fear that Peyton and the boys might finally do the job on my Pats. Cross your fingers.
Jets/Chargers. I forgot a cardinal rule: When a playoff game is going to come down to the wire on a series of ****ups, never count out a Marty Schottenheimer-coached team to get the last word. Unbelievable. Good news only in that it allows those poor delusional New York fans one more week of cruel hope (God, I like the feel of these shoes on the other feet!)
Vikes/Packers. Randy might as well be mooning me for doubting his Vikings. You know what? I still doubt them. I only wish Terrell Owens were playing for Philly next week, and one of the coaches would have the Belichickian idea of putting one of his receivers in the defensive secondary, and the two of them would collide helmet-to-helmet and we wouldn't have to hear from either of them for a long, long time. But back to the game, which I didn't actually watch. So I really don't know anything. Kind of like a weather forecaster.
Posted by Michael at 01:13 AM | Comments (3)
January 06, 2005
Wild Card Weekend
You know what BunkoSquad needs more of? (please don't say Double Indemnity reviews...please...) That's right; ill-informed sports predictions. And since you asked for it (well...):
Jets at Chargers: San Diego, 24-17. The Chargers are this year's "WHO won the division?" team, like the '01 Patriots or the '98 Falcons. The only difference is that San Diego is clearly the 4th-best team in a 3-team conference. It's still enough to beat the Jets, though. And since the AFC won't end in a NY/NE title game, here's a good time to remind ourselves of one of the most heartwarming streaks in sports:
10/17: Red Sox 6, Yankees 4
10/18: Red Sox 5, Yankees 4
10/19: Red Sox 4, Yankees 2
10/20: Red Sox 10, Yankees 3
10/24: Patriots 13, Jets 7
11/ 6: Celtics 107, Knicks 73
12/22: Celtics 114, Knicks 109
12/26: Patriots 23, Jets 7
Eight games in a row that count. Dare I say...who's your daddy, Metro NY?
Broncos at Colts: Colts 38-14. I'm looking for an angle for this game that doesn't involve "both teams' names are horses", but I'm not really finding one. I just wish Peyton and crew one last wonderful weekend of long passing and offensive fireworks, before they have to go freeze their little tootsies off in another outdoor January game.
Rams at Seahawks: Rams 24-21 (3 overtimes). Honestly -- how does anyone get psyched for this one? I can barely name a player on either team; it still jars me that the Seahawks are in the NFC. I think these teams could play a 6-month game in all kinds of weather - call it the Iowa Football Confederacy - and it would end up decided by a field goal. I don't follow the pigskin as closely as I used to, but I can't remember a playoff game that stirred me less.
Vikings at Packers: Packers 27-9. Will Lambeau Field be covered in snow? Yes. Is it going to be under 30F? Yes. Are the Vikings still incompetent on defense? Yup. Does Minnesota deserve to be in the playoffs, after losing 11 of their last 10 games and not having won an outdoor road game since they beat the Providence Steam Rollers in 1943? Probably not. At least the schedule-maker was kind, putting the game last on Sunday afternoon. So the Vikes can truthfully say they were one of the last nine teams standing this year.
Full early playoff predictions, which I will expound on and (undoubtedly) hastily revise next week: NE over Indy, Pittsburgh over San Diego, Philly over the combined rosters of the Seahawks and Rams, Green Bay over Atlanta. Green Bay over Philly (I'm really sorry, Philly. Really); NE over Pitt (heh). Pats over Pack; Bill Belichick for President.
Posted by Michael at 12:10 AM | Comments (2)
December 03, 2004
Doc and Paul Kiss And Make Up
Pierce apologized to Rivers.
OK...but we've got our eyes on you.
Posted by Michael at 01:12 AM | Comments (1)
December 01, 2004
The Truth Hurts
OK. Someone's gotta start writing fulltime on the Web about the Celtics, and since Simmons has become a Clippers fan, I'll get the ball rolling.
My Dad and I were walking out of the New Garden tonight after the C's' nailbiting 101-100 win over Milwaukee, talking basketball with Globe columnist Bob Ryan -- well, that's not exactly true. What happened is my Dad said, "Hey, Bob," and then Bob talked basketball to us all the way over to Government Center. I swear, the man didn't take one breath. We learned that Bob likes the uptempo pace of this year's Celtics, he thinks the rookies are going to be good (especially Delonte West, when he heals), and he likes having GP as a point guard. And a lot more. All in a five-minute walk. All in all, I think Bob was pretty gracious, considering we were literally two guys walking up to him in a dark alley.
But what dominated the conversation/monologue was Paul Pierce. Coach Doc Rivers sat him down with about 4 minutes to go in a razor-thin game. Paul, while everyone else on the Boston bench was leaning forward, was leaning back, arms across the tops of the folding chairs next to him, visibly sulking. Then the Bucks called a timeout and Payton and Rivers both started yelling at Paul. Really yelling. Then Paul goes into the game, hits a 3-pointer, and eventually the Celtics walk off victorious.
But something is clearly rotten here. Paul got benched and sulked last week against San Antonio, he sleepwalked through chunks of last year, he's visibly pissy almost all the time this year. It's not as bad as Vince Carter's "woe-is-me" act in Toronto, but it's going to have an effect on this season, and maybe a longterm effect on the kids, if the designated team superstar is turning into a courtside cancer.
While researching(!) this, I found an interesting column by Brendan McGovern on About.com. He suggests that Pierce needs a change of scenery (which is becoming more obvious by the day) and lists some potential destinations. I admit, I like that New Orleans idea.
It's funny (not ha-ha funny, but interesting) that three years ago, Paul and Antoine Walker got the team withing spittin' distance of the NBA Finals. Antoine got traded, and now he's in a low-pressure environment where he can shoot his heart out and no one cares. Maybe that's what's best for Paul, too. And it sucks. After the fading early-90s and the Godawful late-90s, we thought Paul was The Truth and would mean the end of the Celtics' rebuilding process.
But it looks like we have one more rebuilding process to go. And maybe it starts with trading our biggest and most recognizable star. Hey, it's worked before.
I probably would have told all this to Bob, if he had taken a breath.
Posted by Michael at 10:14 PM | Comments (0)
November 29, 2004
Faithful
It's been a long time since I've stayed up way too late reading...especially when I already know how the book ends.
But there I was at 3:00 this morning, clutching my just-finished copy of Faithful by Stewart O'Nan and Stephen King, reminiscing about the glorious events of October, marvelling at the way these two gents brought it all back to life, wishing pitchers and catchers reported tomorrow.
The book's like a baseball season. The regular season has its highs and lows, and there are some forgettable spots, but just like The Team (henceforth capitalized; whenever you see "The Team" in this space, you can rest assured I'm talking about the 2004 Red Sox), the authors cranked it up a notch when the postseason rolled around.
Stewart O'Nan's account of Game 7 against the Yankees -- wow. I'm going to put it up there as one of the best pieces of sportswriting, if not any writing, I've ever read. Check this:
I'm behind home with Steve as we nail down the last outs. We don't even need our closer. It's 10-3, and no one can hit a seven-run homer. Jeter looks sick. A-Rod and Sheffield have both gone 0-for -- complete and total justice. It's like the Sox have walked through the Stadium driving stakes through every single ghost's, vampire's and Yankee fan's rotten, cobwebby heart. It's quiet and the upper deck is half-empty. The Yankees are cooked, and their fans can't believe it. In the biggest game ever played in this rivalry, the Red Sox have beaten the Yankees at home, by a touchdown, on Mickey Mantle's birthday, At one minute after midnight, the start of a new day, when Sierra grounds weakly to Pokey Reese, and Pokey flips to Doug Mientkiewicz (so simple!), the most expensive baseball team in history is history.
And we're sorry, George, but that's more than half a billion dollars you've spent...for nothing.
Come on now: Who's your Daddy?
Diamondbacks. Angels. Marlins. Red Sox.
It's like Papa Jack says: ain't nuthin' for free. SOMEBODY got-ta pay. And, Yankee fans, the one you just bought has a lifetime guarantee.
At two-thirty in the morning, when the cold November rain that Axl sang about is battering on your window and your apartment's heated to an unworldly temperature...goose bump city.
Posted by Michael at 03:45 PM | Comments (0)
It's Annual Make-Me-Feel-Really-Old Time
The baseball Hall Of Fame ballot is out. I guess Wade Boggs is the only sure-fire pick, unfortunately; I didn't like him even when he was on the Sox, and I detested him when he went to the Yankees.
But some of the other first-time eligibles make me feel like an old-timer. Chili Davis? I didn't know he retired. Tony Phillips (the instigator of the only bench-clearing brawl I've ever seen in person)? Black Jack McDowell?
Posted by Michael at 03:39 PM | Comments (0)
November 22, 2004
What We Learned In Detroit
1.) Hey, the race to the Eastern Conference Finals is now wide open, huh?
2.) Who would have thought Ron Artest, of all people, would have a meltdown? He's been such a stand-up guy all his career, if your definition of the term "stand-up guy" frequently requires the use of the term "batshit insane".
3.) I'm curious what happens to any fans involved. Unless there's some severe punishment to them as well, the message here is clear: if you can get an opposing player to go berserk, you've helped your team! When they perfect time travel and have an All-Time NBA season, and the '90 Pistons make their first visit to the Fleet Center, I've gotta be thinking, "Is it worth me, personally, taking a punch from Laimbeer or Rodman to get them suspended for the rest of the year?" It's the old "Would you take a punch from Tyson for $1,000,000?" question, except this time my answer is yes.
4.) I just voted for Artest for the All-Star team. But I'm just a blue-state elite, so what do I know?
5.) Here's the scenario I'd like to see. I haven't read Mike Lupica's take on the situation yet, but I remember how Latrell Sprewell was, to him, the greatest villain in world history a few years ago. Then he got sent to the Knicks and Lupica couldn't start writing "he's-turned-his-life-around" stories fast enough. So clearly there's a place for Artest in NY...it's shocking that it never happened before. (OK, I read Lupica...it's not as sanctimonious as I feared)
6.) The third rail in all this, that I haven't seen touched much of anywhere, is beer. Since the NBA has submarined the entire Pacers' season (not that I'm complaining! Hey, Reggie Miller! Doug Mirabelli has a championship ring and you don't!), why not send a message and forbid the Pistons from selling beer at any more home games this season? Isn't that a surefire way to cool things off, as opposed to more security, which won't necessarily solve the problem and sometimes makes things worse? But as long as teams are collecting $8 or whatever per beer, don't look at this as any kind of viable solution.
I'm just kinda glad my seats are in the upper upper deck.
Posted by Michael at 01:23 AM | Comments (0)
November 01, 2004
I Love These Guys
Scroll down to the item called "Help From Jack".
Posted by Michael at 10:52 PM | Comments (2)
October 30, 2004
I Love A Parade
It's finally real. After some finagling of my schedule (thanks, Pete and Kari), I was allowed to attend the "Rolling Rally" to celebrate the...(ahem)...World Champion...(eep)...2004...(gulp)...Boston Red Sox. I handed off the camera to the incomparable Sooz so she could take some fantastic pictures and so I could clap and hoot and holler. Apparently that's just what I did; the first float of players came into view, I screamed "Mark Bellhorn!" and the next 20 minutes is kind of a blur.
I do remember a few things: screaming for Tito Francona; getting a wave and a nod from Mike Timlin; all of us yelling either "Speech!" or "Sweep!" at Trot Nixon (O.C. obliged by waving a broom at us); Manny holding a sign that read "Jeter's playing golf; this is better!" I wonder if Manny made it himself.
I am going to miss this team. But what a way to close the book on the 2004 Red Sox. Now I must wait patiently for the DVD and the Stephen King/Stewart O'Nan book. But I got my "The Passion of Johnny Damon" T-shirt.
All the pictures Sooz took are here (I heartily recommend choosing the slide show; cranking up that Green Day "Hope you had the time of your life" song is optional).
Posted by Michael at 02:07 PM | Comments (3)
October 28, 2004
Quick Thought Before I Get 2 Hours Sleep
It's just as sweet as I imagined in my wildest dreams.
Posted by Michael at 02:23 AM | Comments (0)
October 27, 2004
Win It For
Continuing the theme started on the SOSH forum and continued by Simmons (which I may repeat some since I didn't read all 48 pages of the forum thread):
Win it for Ted and Yaz and Bobby and Johnny Pesky and Pudge and Dewey and Jim Ed. A part of every single one of them will be holding that trophy soon.
Win it for Ellis Burks, whose career has taken him some interesting places. And when they hand out the rings in April, let Greenie come running onto the field and crash into him one last time.
Win it for Jay, and Mark, and Dave and Peter and John and Fred and Pat, and Eric and Brian, and Jimmy, and Hillary, and Kentucky Jim, and Mark, and Cheryl, and Travis, and Kathy and Kerry, and John and Liz, and Alex, and Chris, and Steve and Churchill and Amy and Hilary and Cathy, and Mark and Carole and Mike, and Dana and Terri, and Amanda and Tony, and Vicki and Jeanne and Molly and Justin. This is a rough chrononological list of every friend who's shared my Red Sox mania (mostly at Fenway) for at least three hours. Amazing how many people will be going through my mind this month, thinking, "I wonder how they feel".
Win it for Dan Shaughnessy, who can finally move on and write something else soon. For Joe and Jerry, who've grown on me exponentially over the last couple years. Digress away, fellas; no one wears their hearts on their sleeves more. For Sean and Don and Jerry, all a million times more worthy of being in the booth tonight than these Fox guys. Why can't the World Series be simulcast on NESN?
Win it for Sooz, and show her I wasn't kidding when I said this would happen someday. With any luck there'll be a critical balk tonight.
Win it for Yves, a born-and-bred New Yorker who made the risky decision to voluntarily become a Red Sox fan. Justify his love.
Win it for my sister Christine. I don't know exactly when the switch went on that turned her into a lifelong fan (probably about the time Tim Wakefield arrived in town, heh heh) but she's there. And for everyone sitting in the bleachers with me and her on 4/15/1997, still the most fun evening I've ever spent at a ballpark.
Win it for my three grandparents who aren't here to watch this team. For Grandpa Frank; I don't think "they stink" anymore! For Grandpa Walter and Grandma Helen: wherever they're watching this Series from, I hope they're not sitting behind a pole.
Win it for my Grandma Ann. She had a triple bypass two weeks ago; at one point while she was recuperating, my Aunt Carol told her how the Red Sox came from behind and beat the Yankees. Grandma nodded and drifted off to sleep. A few minutes later, she woke up out of the blue and yelled, "The Red Sox won!" She was two years old in that far-off, mythical land we know so well as 1918. There's literally no one who's been alive and waiting for this moment longer.
Win it for my Dad. He claimed for a long time that he'd given up on the Red Sox. Yeah, right. But during some down time last summer, he wrote a book about how the team could turn itself around. Then when they announced that Schilling would be starting the second game of the 2004 season, he bought plane and game tickets to Baltimore. If this season has been about one thing, it's been about new beginnings. I think he's enjoyed his new beginning with this team.
Win it for my Mom. That book my Dad wrote? She got to hear every bit of raw material that went into it...and a million more besides. Sometimes a little louder than she wanted to hear it. But who else talked about (literally) dancing in the street every time Greenwell homered in the '95 Pennant Race? Who else got such a kick out of every defensive indifference call, and every manufactured run? This one's for you, Mom. After all these years, they've finally played to their level.
One more.
Posted by Michael at 05:50 PM | Comments (4)
June 18, 2004
Rats Desert Sinking Ship
I've said that there are three groups I want to see go down in flames this calendar year. One down, two more to go.
And now things are falling apart in La La Land. Yoda's fleeing the building before the crap really hits the fan; fitting, since we all saw what happens when the greatest coach of all time actually has to break a sweat coaching.
(And just for the record, can we bury the "Phil Jackson is the greatest coach of all time" argument? Unless someone out there has evidence of a Red-Auerbach-coached team that came into a series the unanimous favorite and then had its collective heart ripped out, thrown on the floor, and stomped on, that is.)
And Shaq wants a trade. And Kobe wants out of LA, though presumably not in favor of a mandatory 10-year contract to play ball in western Colorado. And carpetbagging "stars" Gary Payton (who in 14 seasons has one less ring than rookie Darko Milicic) and Karl Malone (ditto, in 19 seasons) are going to be left floundering.
It was painful to see the Celtics drop out of glory in the early 90's - though to be fair, two of their superstars were physically unable to play anymore and one died - but the mass exodus from Chicago in '98, and the current hit-the-lifeboats mentality in LA, mollify me somewhat.
But won't somebody please think of the celebrity hangers-on? Where do they go? Here?
Posted by Michael at 11:53 PM | Comments (3)
June 13, 2004
Up On the Roof
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Mark at the bookstore hooked me up with a ticket to sit in the new right-field roof seats at Fenway. So there I was yesterday, watching the Sox and Dodgers from high above the field.
The bad stuff: the Sox got clobbered. And I clearly hadn't been in the sun for two years, and had forgotten about the existence of sunscreen. So I spent four hours doing my impression of a Kenny Rogers Roaster, and now I look eerily like Lobsterboy. Oh well.
The good stuff: it's an amazing new view of the park. You sit at a table (there are standing room seats up there, too) and get waiter service - the tickets are 100 bucks a pop, but each table gets $100 worth of complimentary food and drinks (water! lots of water!). We thought about getting 33 bags of peanuts, but cooler heads prevailed. I got a steak-tip sandwich, ice cream, and lots of cold beverages.
And I confirmed that I now live easy-walking-distance from Fenway. The first couple of pics above are from the stroll; over the Mass Av. Bridge, and down Comm Av through Kenmore. Fenway on an amazing sunny afternoon is as good as it gets. Even if the Dodgers hit 172 home runs.
Posted by Michael at 11:26 PM | Comments (0)
April 25, 2004
This Is The End
I've endured a lot in my career as a Boston sports fan: disappointment (see: Red Sox, 1988,1990,1998,1999; Celtics, 2002; Bruins, every spring); deep soul-scarring disappointment (see: Red Sox, 1986,2003; Patriots, 1980s-90s), and even transcendent glee (see: Patriots, 2002,2004). But never the miserable apathy bestowed on me by the 2003-2004 Celtics. And, barring a miracle or complete Indiana meltdown, the Celtics' season will be mercifully put to an end this afternoon.
This was, in short, an impossible team to root for. Danny Ainge, formerly beloved Celts hero, stripped the heart and guts out of a pretty good (for the Eastern Conference) team. If you weren't paying attention (and judging by the attendance lately, you weren't), Danny shipped Antoine Walker to Dallas just before the season started, essentially for Jiri Welsch and Raef LaFrentz (who promptly went on the injury list). Then Eric Williams and Tony Battie (and the execrable Kedrick Brown) went to Cleveland for Ricky Davis and Chris Mihm. Finally, Mike James got traded and the C's got Chucky Atkins from Detroit. Coach Jim O'Brien quit in frustration, and the team backed into an ill-deserved playoff spot despite all their best efforts to fulfiill Danny's dream of losing the draft lottery.
Boston fans, particularly diehard Celtic fans (all 54 of us that remain), don't give up though. We've already started thinking about next year, Danny Ainge's "plan", and who we might find ourselves rooting for next year. So here's my take on tomorrow's roster, from least essential to most:
12 (tie). Jumaine Jones and Yogi Stewart. Thanks for the memory, guys. If you're still on the team next year, I give up.
11. Chris Mihm. Proving there's always room in the NBA for a 7-foot white guy, Mihm provided a list of season highlights I can count on one hand. He's big and willing to bump people down low, though, so I guess there's a job for him somewhere next year. I frankly don't care if it's here, though.
10. Kendrick Perkins. All upside. Played only 35 minutes this year. I'm a little leery of Celtics youngsters who don't get any minutes, and whose names start with "K" and end with "drick".
9. Walter McCarty. We all love Walter. Really. But he's gone from a great defensive player with suprising shooting range, to a decent defender who will only take one shot. When your starting power forward (and that says something right there) won't take the ball inside the 3-point line, you've got issues.
8. Brandon Hunter. I'd like to keep the kid around; he's a fearless big guy who seems to love to rebound. That said, if the right trade comes along, I won't gripe.
7. Jiri Welsch. Showed flashes of brilliance early in the year. Just flashes. Then he settled down into a fairly dull routine of 4-for-11's and head-scratching turnovers. Danny seems to think of Jiri as a young Czech version of himself; maybe if Jiri played alongside the '86 Celtics, we'd see that's true.
6. Raef LaFrentz. Incomplete grade. Get healthy, big guy.
5. Chucky Atkins. There's not a chance he'll still be here when the Celtics get back to the Finals (I wonder if the Fleet Center will still be here for that), but he showed enough skill and leadership for me to want him to stay around for the transition. He may be a good mentor for Banks; after the Era of Shoot-First Point Guards, Chucky was a refreshingly unselfish floor general.
4. Marcus Banks. I've said it, but I'll go on record here. Banks is two years away from being one of the league's elite point guards. Tons of speed, and learning to play at an NBA level. So, the Celtics being what they are, the fans in Seattle or Toronto should have a great chance to watch Marcus after he gets traded.
3. Ricky Davis. Globe columnist Bob Ryan says Ricky is the Continental Divide between old-school, traditionalist basketball fans and hype-jaded kids. I disagree. Ricky's brash, energetic, unafraid, cool -- all the kinds of things old-schoolers are supposed to disdain -- but my Dad and I (both old-school fans) look at him and see hustle, nonstop energy, and ferocious defense. Sure we're wary of the fact that Ricky's been traded about 56 times since he came in the league. But when he's in the game, you pay a little closer attention.
2. Mark Blount. Hardly worth writing about, since the second the season's over, he's likely to be on the phone with Jim O'Brien (who nurtured Blount into a bona-fide starter), making plans to go to Philly next season. And it's a shame. Blount has made one of the most remarkable transitions I've ever seen, going from garbage-time fodder to (seriously) the third best center in the East. His natural skills aren't up there with Jermaine O'Neal or Ben Wallace, but his hustle and his determination keep him focused and contributing. We'll miss you, Mark.
Finally, 1. Paul Pierce. I don't know what to say. It's written on Paul's face that this season has been as trying and as glum for him as it has for us. I hope Danny's not instituting the 90's Red Sox "Let's Make Our Superstars Miserable" plan, or we'll see him out the door the first chance he gets. The plan, as late as 8 months ago, was to build a team around Pierce and Walker -- two guys who really seemed to like and feed off one another. Now Antoine's gone, they haven't built anything around Paul, and teams can zero in on him (like Ron Artest), shut him off, and destroy the Celtics. And Paul looks like he wants to go home so badly, it's depressing.
I hope Ainge has a plan. This is his team now, for better or worse. He's got exactly six months left of the benefit of the doubt. I hope he has a plan.
Posted by Michael at 12:51 AM | Comments (1)
April 16, 2004
I Should Care More
The Sox and Yankees start a four-game series at Fenway tonight. The NY Post flew a banner over Boston yesterday with pro-Yankee slogans. The Globe convinced Dan Shaughnessy to write his quarterly column about the rivalry, which consists of 13% new material (highest in years).
But ya know what? It's April. And I'm tired of getting stoked for regular season games in April: getting all excited over a 3-1 lead or down after a blown save. We freak out in April and wonder why New York eats our lunch every fall.
In the parlance of our times, it's a marathon, not a sprint. And I refuse to get freaked out over the 9th-through-12th games of a 162-game season. At least until the Sox win tonight.
Posted by Michael at 05:38 PM | Comments (0)
March 15, 2004
An Open Invitation to Ty Law
Ty Law wants to leave the Patriots and go get PAID somewhere.
Good for you, Ty. They need you! I mean, it's not like Belichick and Crennel and Pioli can replace a franchise player and still keep the machine humming. (By the way, has anyone heard from Drew Bledsoe or Lawyer Milloy lately?)
So let me be the first to publicly invite you, Mr. Law, to come over next January and watch the playoffs on my big TV. All you have to do is bring me a cap from the Lions or Chargers or Jets or whatever other sorry-ass team will pay you the big bucks to help them go 7-9 next season.
Posted by Michael at 02:03 AM | Comments (1)
February 14, 2004
Only a Bastardized Godfather Quote Will Do
Theo Epstein: We offered him Manny and prospects to let A-Rod go, but Hicks said no. The next day Steinbrenner went to see him, only this time he brought Luca Brasi. And within an hour, Hicks had all but traded A-Rod for Soriano.
Bob Lobel: How'd he do that?
Theo: Steinbrenner made Hicks an offer he couldn't refuse.
Bob: What was that?
Theo: Luca Brasi held a gun to Hicks' head. And Steinbrenner assured him that either his skull, or Alex Rodriguez, would be in the Yankees' dugout next year.
Posted by Michael at 07:38 PM | Comments (1)
February 02, 2004
Superbowl
24 hours later, I'm going to shamelessly rip off Peter King, and present my 10 Things I Think I Think about the big game.
1. I think I think that being a Patriots fan has become a heady mix of euphoria and determination. In their 15-game streak, they only really blew out one team: a Buffalo squad checking their watches and tee times the last game of the season. So there's never a moment when you can truly breathe easy, but you also know - way back in the back of your head - that Belichick and Brady will figure out a way to pull it out.
2. I think I think the Pats are as close to a dynasty as anyone may ever get again in the NFL. Look at their roster and find one area that needs obvious improvement. Defense? Not a chance. Receivers? Above average, and with a quarterback that can make the most of them. O-line? Perhaps. Kicking? Please; despite his first half, if an invasion from Neptune could only be staved off with a 50-yard field goal, you know you want Vinatieri out there to save the planet.
The only immediate issues are a more consistent running game (Antowain Smith's getting a little old, and Kevin Faulk's never had that breakout I expected) and punting (egads). They've got draft picks and cap room; they've also got, I'm now convinced, absolute geniuses running the show.
3. I think I think that if I were in Vegas now, I'd probably play it safe and bet on a Pats-Panthers rematch next year. These are two solid teams.
4. I think that the Panthers' uniforms look very dated (teal is so 1997), but look ten times worse on their punter. Todd Sauerbrun looked like he showed up in his pajamas.
5. I think I think I'm officially out of touch with pop culture:
5a. I still expect that when I hear the words "2-time Grammy winner", I will at least have heard of the person in question. Until Josh Groban came out and sang that NASA song. I wandered into the room just in time to wonder why Doctor Who was out there. I've been informed by someone more in the know that Groban is like "Kenny G with lyrics". Good to know.
5b. I think I think that I'm apparently out of touch enough to think that Justin Timberlake hardly qualifies as a "suprise special guest." Come on. Doesn't he always turn up at stuff like this? To me, a special surprise guest would be Lou Reed or a reunion of the Talking Heads. Not some overproduced lip-syncher who can't understand that to get back in the spotlight, you actually have to leave it at some point!
6. Unfortunately, I think I now have to segue into talking about America's Most Famous Nipple. I mean. Come on. Scandal, controversy, outrage, panic - the script of the last 24 hours could have been written by computer, and American fell for it. Everyone involved knew it was going to happen. This shock and outrage is just pitiful. (For a better summary, check The Fat Guy's take on it.)
That said, if I were President, and not above using a national crisis (which, apparently, this is) to ram through questionable legislation, here's what I'd do:
Tough choices, I know, but they need to be made.
A.) Punish the networks involved. Viacom should be forced to sell CBS off for having the audacity to show a nipple on-air for 0.3 seconds. Anyone currently working at MTV will be indefinitely held under the Patriot Act, and the channel will revert to playing exactly what it played in 1986.
(UPDATE: That's not even accounting for the commercials. CBS thought MoveOn's ad was inappropriate for a national audience, but commercials about kids swearing and horses farting weren't. You go, Tiffany network. You go soon.
B.) Punish the performers not directly involved. Kid Rock should be held for wearing an American flag shirt (and for not even pretending not to lip-synch) and Puffy should be held for wearing a Panthers jersey.
C.) Punish the performers directly involved. Maybe we can send Justin into space after all; the Mars rover looks like it may need a permanent caretaker. And, just to be safe, Janet Jackson's entire family should be sent to Mars with him. Toby Keith, too.
7. I think I think that since Peter King talks about Starbucks every week, now's a good time to give an emphatic thumbs-up to their hot vanilla creme drink. Mmmmm.
8. I think I think that, although I'll still religiously read him and undoubtedly laugh a lot, I liked Bill Simmons better when he was just the Sports Guy. He's now becoming the Half-Sports-Guy/Half-Uber-Guy's-Guy, and while it's OK to have a column that's 15,000 words about sports and 15,000 words about his celebrity poker game, I miss the days of the regular "30,000 words about sports" columns.
9. I think I think we up here in Boston had better cherish the Pats' win. The Bruins are nondescript, the C's look like they're edging into "San Antonio 1996 tank job" mode, and I refuse to let myself get emotionally involved with the Sox until August (yeah, that'll last).
10. I think I think I'm very impressed that Peter King can come up with 10 of these every week.
Posted by Michael at 10:39 PM | Comments (2)
February 01, 2004
YEAH!
Posted by Michael at 11:25 PM | Comments (0)