Bunkosquad Frequently Questioned Answers
- Who gave you a website?!?
The miracles of modern technology, combined with a $70 payment to the Internet Board of Overseers and a steady job to keep the site hosting dollars flowing.
- What is a bunkosquad anyway?!?
On those old cop shows like Dragnet and the Rockford Files, the Bunko (alt.spl. "Bunco") Squad dealt with fraud, con men, scam artists, and their ilk.
- What's the capital of Kansas?
- Want to use the power of mailing lists to increase your Internet sales UP TO A MILLION TIMES OVER - NO gimmicks, NO phony addresses!!!!!!?
Hey, Kreskin...do I look like I'm selling anything?
- Do you do this full time? How do you make a living off this?
Believe it or not, the six figure income that BunkoSquad provides me (ahem) doesn't allow me the luxury of not having a full time job. I'm currently working in the used book department of America's best book store, buying, selling, and looking for the 1st-edition Hemingway buried somewhere in a box that I can use for my retirement money.
- Is the status quo in this country sustainable, or will the ever-increasing dichotomy between the upwardly mobile elites and the disenfranchised poor and ever-growing lower middle class one day erupt into a full-scale revolution, complete with torchings of banks and sport-utility vehicle dealerships, lynchings on Capitol Hill, and yuppies having their cellular phones snapped in half and shoved [down their throats]?
The latter.
- What is the most forced and painful rhyme in popular music history?
"I laughed at all your jokes,
My love you didn't need to coax."
Rod Stewart, Maggie MayAny two lines from Barry McGuire's "Eve of Destruction" (particularly where he rhymes Red China with Alabama) or Gordon Lightfoot's "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" ("As the big freighters go, she was bigger than most") will be given respectable partial-credit.
- Is it true that the boy who played the little brother in Small Wonder (that show about the robot girl) grew up to be Billy Corgan, lead singer of Smashing Pumpkins?
Beats me.
- I don't have Internet access. How can I get to your website?
How did you get here?
- Who are some people who have influenced your style, philosophy, and worldview?
Dennis Miller (pre-phone commercials), George Carlin (pre-car commercials), Michael Moore, Monty Python, Matt Groening (pre-Futurama), Moxy Fruvous, Karl Marx, Groucho Marx, Ani DiFranco, Michael Corleone, Aleister Crowley (just seeing if you're paying attention), Kurt Vonnegut, John Lennon (post-"Twist and Shout"), Vladimir Lenin, Douglas Adams, Mr. Carlin.
- What are some of your biggest issues with the old George Reeves Superman show?
* Why did a major metropolitan daily newspaper seemingly have a staff consisting of one editor, two reporters, and one cub reporter, all of whom repeatedly were covering one story between them?
* How did every two-bit hooligan and thug get a chunk of Kryptonite?
* When crooks emptied all six chambers of their gun at Superman, causing no damage, a)Why did they then throw their gun at Superman? and b)Why did he flinch?
* What kind of tough, no-nonsense, inquisitive reporter was Lois Lane if that feeble Clark Kent disguise baffled her for so long? - Who's your All-Time All-Hated NBA Team?
C - Bill Laimbeer, Pistons (ret). This guy would put an elbow in his grandmother's throat if she was a second late with the clicker.
PF - Dennis Rodman, Team Neptune. Just shut up, OK?
SF - Scottie Pippen, Rockets. This guy was such a second banana he made Ed McMahon look like the comedic genius behind late-night TV.
SG - Kobe Bryant, Lakers. I hate him so much.
PG - Isiah Thomas, Pistons (ret.) Not so much for his play on the court as for his recent comment that the four biggest stars of the 80s were Larry, Michael, Magic and himself. That's kinda like saying the four biggest American car manufacturers are Ford, GM, Chrysler, and Matchbox. - Why are updates on your site somewhat infrequent (some would say sporadic)?
I don't know. I'll get back to you.
- What is the average air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
African or European?
- What is this "World of Socks" you keep promising?
"World of Socks" is a cartoon drawn by Patrick Rapa and myself that ran in the La Salle University Collegian from 1994 to 1995. It was more timely than Hagar the Horrible, more sardonic than Marmaduke, and funnier than Dennis the Menace. It's also harder to scan than The Family Circus cause we crammed so much fun into every panel. Hence the delay.
- Can I submit something to run on BunkoSquad?
No.
- Do you do any other Web sites?
Not at the moment.
